𝑰𝑹𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑩𝑳𝑬√

blunt

Dedicated to AlexxUnknownn Thank you for the motivation....

Mila's POV....

Dragging a good hit from the burning sweet cancer stick between the supple of my lips, I voluntarily let the warm pale smoke fill the emptiness and numbness in hopes it would fill and smoothe my chest numbing up the pain by letting it linger a bit more deliciously in my mouth.

The puffed in smoke slowed down my breathing eventually resulting into shallow careful breaths so I couldn't dare inhale it and this just made my slowed down heartbeat more away to my ears.......

Staring at the cancer stick rolling between my middle and index finger, I savoured the intoxicating scent trapped between my lips and I couldn't help but realize that all my thoughts that were running wild the past few hours all crashed down the moment the familiar intoxicating scent met my senses.

And it wasn't surprising at all....

That's how it is....

Infact that's how it always does....

It's always the solution...

To every problem in my life...

It keeps and drives me sane......

More than insane....

Just like how they would do....

It fixes everything, numbs the pain, fucks me sane , destroy me more than I imagine before it let's me float...

And I have never been more grateful....

But it's all my fault in the first place, I shouldn't have let these wild thoughts come to me....

I would have controlled them...

I would have tried...

I would have been stronger....especially when I know they are because of the woman that I have been promising myself not to think or imagine that they still exist.

They were dead...

At least to me...

I had promises to keep and fulfil and the ones I vow not to break no matter what.

I have to stick on my word....

Just like how they did towards me...

Even when I fail miserably like today, I still have to convince myself and try to bury everything of them in my mind even the flashbacks themselves...

Because look....we all know;

If I ever meant a thing in their life, they wouldn't have married my sister...

Besides,if they ever loved me, they wouldn't have chased me away..

In the mid of the night.....

All fucking alone yet when they were the same people saying that they love me...

But that's in the past....

All I wish for then right now is to go fuck themselves thinking about me...

And bet they would like it after everything that happened...

I let out a puff of the smoke a light laugh escaping my throat letting all memories vanish from painful recalls to thin dust and blankness before immediately taking another hit as I grabbed my phone from one edge of the bathtub switching it on before scrolling through my contacts before I reached my desired one....