You Were Always a Daydreamer Draft Version

(4) In this dream we observe such weakness.

⚠️Many depressing topics⚠️

Part 4
Dream.
Another piece of me went missing today, it went to play and never come back. I'm back... To where I started. The sky is not exactly full of light anymore. Just warps and bending of lights, like a signal sent to wire has my brain become.

We seem to take for granted the one good thing we can keep until dies, and shows no return. Ain't it sad? Looking out of a cage, some window feels like I can't escape. I don't care anymore.

The constellation, mix with the wires and all I'm doing Is looking with within in the stars, as the wire start to wrap and entangle the forgetful wonders of what it was like to love stars in the sky.

Where I live... I don't normally see stars, so it's Something I can't explain. Why is it now I see such beauty. My head turns, b-but oh my god it hurts... It feels like a thousand layers of my head twitching at once, my entire mind is spinning. Is this... Depression?

Or something else... my eyes, would only see the conflict of colors fighting. My room is fully black filled with strong neon outlines, and broken rifts between many things I can recognize. My bundle of minutes, why do I see it so physical... I... Have to pick them up, before I indulge again.

Constantly hearing screams, they sound mad... Like there's a ton of faceless people writing down their hate for eachother. It sounded so, awful... Depressing and hollow... Repeating records of yells and desperate hatred, as I watch them scream into each other's faces.

Facing the window, like an enemy... I see the trees and nature outside are a garbled spiky and sharp mess. I looked with... No expression.

...
I heard glimpses of hope....
It was in a mixed form of a mess, I stared never thinking I'd see any light? It was clear it wanted my attention, sounding like a sound trying to tear it's way through my disassociates barrier. It would this repetitive mixed madness, as I tried to reach, the message... But my hands weren't moving as I saw they were slowly melting.

Dayless Nights
The sunshine is gone, the sky is full of stars, constellations, wires, strings and neon trails. Ignoring all hope I kept sulking. I didn't let anything pull me, or push me. Not even those. Never felt so tired before, my mind is restless... Something just didn't match my appetite, did it?

It's all fluctuations, a rise and fall between a reality, and a barrier of derealization, but I didn't care I guess I wasn't home. Things that were no longer fitting, would almost be scary at this point, they would bring horror to my days...

There it is again, the same reach for reality. A familiar tune drifting in this unreal fictional cave. It's so unreal, so unlike you. It keeps coming and going, a temptation is running down my spine... Don't they say not all temptation is a sin.

Could I be tempted to hope? More things hurt, everytime I please my urges... It burns with emptiness. Urges so addicting, I found them entertaining. Pushing walls apart, I cannot bear myself.

Such an incredible sensation barrels within, at the same time I'm questioning the morals. Tearing myself into oblivion, the end of such a short cut journey was over... So I feel the last of my guilts, and pain towards myself.

Staring out the window once again, I still can't reach my hand out to touch a star.

The neon lights still strongly fill wherever I go.