RANTS

3

so uh 

im here at my grandmas house now (after 25 hours of flying)

she got discharged from the hospital

but she doesnt know that she has brain cancer

and none of us have the heart to tell her

everyones saying that kids hold the family together at times like this

but what if the kids are falling apart too

more so than the parents

bc i know i am

maybe not more than my dad

but i am falling apart

and the worst part is

none of us can tell her about it

there's too many factors involved, like the cost of the treatment, her reaction, the two months we have left, her emotional stability, and so on. 

My grandma keeps talking about how she's gonna spend time with us after she gets better

and how she'll finally go to the iHop place i wont shut up about (we both have a major sweet tooth)

and shes thinking about all of these possibilities

when there's only one that's gonna happen.

She wont survive

and i know this

the doctors know this

my family knows this

but nobody will dare to make sure she knows this

i dont know what to do

and i cant exactly do schoolwork to take my mind off of this either (see last rant)

idk man

i hate life

this might just be the worst time of my life

help