Helluva Bitch(AU)(Season 1)

Beelzebub/Season 1:Episode 8/Part 2

[The scene opens with Blitzo sitting in the back of a car. Her phone buzzes, and she looks down and sees Loona trying to call him. She declines the call.]

Driver: (offscreen) You want me to drop you off here?

Blitzo: (glances out the window) Oh! Uh! Yeah. Yeah, this looks right. I, uh haven't been here before.

[Blitzo steps out of the vehicle and music can be heard playing as the car drives off. She looks down at her phone and texts Verosika.]

Blitzo: (over text) Hey, I'm came

Blitzo: (over text) Oh shit

Blitzo: (over text) *here, sry :)

[Blitzo looks around nervously until Verosika calls out to him].

Verosika: (waves hand) Blit-zooo!

Verosika: Hey, friend! Glad you could make it!

Blitzo: Verosika! Yeah, hey. Thanks for inviting me.

[The two walk into the mansion, where the party is taking place.]

Verosika: Course! Hey, everyone! Meet the new face and let's make a toast!

[Verosika raises a glass as a toast, inciting all the others to do the same, all the party proceeds to say "YEAHHH".]

Verosika: You want a...drink or anything?

Blitzo: Oh, uh... (tail rises) sure! Totally...

[Blitzo drops her fake smile and looks over to a group of cool boy-esque Imps.]

Colson: And so, I told him, "I'm not going to go for it, unless you throw it away this time."

Imp Skate: That is so, not fetch!

Colson: Not fetch!

[Before Colson could continue, Blitzo chimes in nervously.]

Blitzo: (nervously) Ha, ha, ha, yeah! Like, that happens all the time. Aha...aha...

Colson: Oh-my-god. Blitzo? "Blitzo the Imp Clown"? That you?

Blitzo: Uh, yeah. It's Blitzo... yeah, but I'm not a clown, okay.

Colson: Wow. I can't believe you're showing up to another party. I mean, do you even remember the last one?

Blitzo: (grits teeth) I'm sure you'll remind me.

Colson: (takes out phone) Yeah, this? (shows a picture of Blitzo vomiting) This you, right?

[Blitzo gets angry in response.]

Blitzo: Why do you still have that?

Colson: (looks over to the picture) It brings me joy. You know, you're supposed to keep things that bring you joy.

[Blitzo growls at he.]

Colson: Wow, Bro, you're being negative. Your aura is being aggressive right now.

Blitzo: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe it's 'cus I'm in the presence of a massive asshole!

[The word "asshole" echoes throughout the party, making everyone else gasp in disapproval.]

Colson: (feigns being offended) Oh, my satan! Wow!

Blitzo: What? Is that not an okay thing to say? Like, come on, it's true!

Demon: (offscreen) You can't say that.

[Blitzo droop in response as Verosika comes back with a Drink for Blitzo]

Verosika: (confused) Did I miss anything?

[Blitzo notices and puts up her fake smile again.]

Blitzo: (takes drink) No, no, no! No, nothing. (clears throat) No.

[A voice offscreen booms through a microphone, attracting most of the partygoers.]

Unknown Demon: (offscreen) Haha! How're my party-going bitches tonight? Awooh, awooh!

[Verosika smiles at Blitzo in response, inviting her over.]

Unknown Demon: You ready to party with Beelzebub of Glu-tto-ny? Come on.

[The demon reveals herself to be none other than Beelzebub, who was twirling around the disco ball as she hypes up her audience of partygoers.]

Beelzebub: Hell, yeah! 'Cus the candys is flowin' tonight! And this damn fly is about to get fuckin' wild! Let's get it started!

[Beelzebub with a goat skull as if it were a mask clings to a pole. Cut to Blitzo looking on nervously as Beelzebub begins to sing his song].

[A rap instrumental starts to be heard as if something is about to arrive].

♫Yo, Beelzebub, the rap demon from hell♫

♫Here to drop some knowledge, so listen well♫

♫I'm spitting fire, burning hotter than flames♫

♫But today, I rap about a different kind of game♫

♫Greed and lust, they're hard to resist♫

♫But let's talk about gluttony, the hunger that persists♫

♫Cotton candy temptations, sugar in the air♫

♫Indulging in excess, like we just don't care♫

[A brief shot of a hellhound drinking while peering into one of Beelzebub's honey pits then getting knocked over by a pillar of rising honey.]
♫In this world of desires, we all have our vice♫

♫Mine is the gluttony that comes with every slice♫

♫Feasting on excess, my cravings never cease,♫

♫For the sweet sensation that brings me peace♫

♫Greed and lust, they're hard to resist♫

♫But let's talk about gluttony, the hunger that persists♫

♫Cotton candy temptations, sugar in the air♫

♫Indulging in excess, like we just don't care♫

♫Cotton candy clouds, swirling in the sky♫

♫Colors so vibrant, it catches every eye♫

♫But as I take a bite, my senses are overwhelmed♫

♫Lost in the pleasure, in this sugary realm♫

♫But there's a lesson here, hidden in the sweetness♫

♫Excess only leads to emptiness and weakness♫

♫In the pursuit of pleasure, we lose sight♫

♫Of the true joys in life, love and the light.♫

♫Greed and lust, they're hard to resist♫

♫But let's talk about gluttony, the hunger that persists♫

[Beelzebub enlarges the taco one of her guests planned on eating, then shoves it into his mouth.]

♫ Cotton candy temptations, sugar in the air♫

[Beelzebub moves onto the next table, where she enlarges the alcoholic beverage of two imps which she then shoves down their throats.]

Your King brings the sweet stuff, so keep making me that motherfucking candys! Yeah, keep it comin'!

[Beelzebub enlarges the party's punch bowl and prompts the others to swim in it, which four partygoers do without hesitation.]

♫Indulging in excess, like we just don't care♫

♫ So let this be a reminder, as you walk this road♫

♫ To find balance and moderation, and not to overload.♫

♫ For in the end, it's the simple things that bring true bliss♫

♫ Not the cotton candy fantasies that we often miss♫

[Beelzebub ends her performance by removing his mask with a firework of confetti and the imps and the hellhounds cheer as Blitzo shakes the cotton candy out of her horns.]
Beelzebub: YO! YO! YO! Verosika! (flies over to Verosika) The party is buzzin' now!

Beelzebub: Fuck! (dusts herself off) I feel like I went a little too hard on the confetti this time, though. I have like, (materializes a mini rainbow.) a rainbow in my dick right now.

Beelzebub: (notices Blitzo) Oh, hey! Is this the imp you told me about?

Blitzo: (offended) Excuse me?

Beelzebub: He's a fucking cutie! Where have you been hiding, man? (laughs)

Blitzo: Is there something funny?

Beelzebub: Nah, I'm just really high on all this tasty energy right now. Verosika says you don't get invited out much. I hope this itty-bitty get-together can serve as a fun first time.

[Blitzo briefly looks behind he to see a hellhound slide down a staircase only to get hit in the crotch when he gets down.]

Blitzo: Mm-hmm.

Beelzebub: I would've thrown a bigger one, but I couldn't convince Belphegor to let me break into her stash of party drugs. So fucking lame! I mean, I usually just steal them, but Bel changed the locks.

Beelzebub: (conjures a bottle of beer) She says I'm a total moron for trying. But, hey... I'm proud to be a total moron. *drinks from the bottle*

Verosika: Heh. Anyway, yeah, Beel, this is Blitzo. And, Blitzo, this is my boyfriend, Beelzebub.

Beelzebub: Nice to meetcha, bitch!

Blitzo: Oh, this is... he's hot. (widens eyes in realization)

Beelzebub: Ha! Holy shit! Okay. Verosika, you didn't tell me he was hilarious. That's so funny.

Blitzo: Of course.

Beelzebub: I love that that's the first thing you say to me. You don't give a shit how freaky you come off, and that's fucking beautiful. (moves next to Blitzo) You're my new favorite person.

Blitzo: (fake smiling) Am I, though?

Beelzebub: Yeah, bro! (laughs) No. Reminds me of the time I saw Lilith without a clothing on.

[Verosika turns his head towards he at this.]

Beelzebub: I was like, "Oof! Bro! She's hot as hell!".

Beelzebub: But, then I wanted to die, 'cause it was so awkward. 'Cause she's more like a my sister-in-law to me. You know, but not my sister-in-law. So, I guess... it was fine. I could hit that...

[Blitzo looks around awkwardly.]

Beelzebub: Anyway, man, you have a good time tonight. Get some sweets, get some eats. Drink it, tear it, fuck it up! Whoo!

[Beelzebub walks over to some party guests.]

Beelzebub: Cheers, honey. Thank you for coming.

Beelzebub: Do you need anything? Are you having fun? Are you good? Are you drunk?

[A hellhound with a cone full of Beelzejuice nods in response.]

Beelzebub: Okay, good. Okay, great. (walks off)

Blitzo: Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Verosika: Uh, what? Why? You just got here. At least one drink, right?

Blitzo: Nope, you really wouldn't like me after one drink.

[He puts her cup down at a nearby staircase and walks out the door, shedding tears as she calls Blitzo.]

Blitzo: (In tears) This was a bad idea

[Meanwhile, Loona, still in the aftermath of his night out with Octavia, hears his phone ring, then he looks at it and his eyes bug out.]

[Back at the party, Blitzo is waiting for Loona.]

Blitzo: (sighs) So idiot. I shouldn't have come.

[The H.O.U. van arrives as Loona rolls down the window.]

Loona: Hey, Blitzy. How you doin', are you ok?

Blitzo: (gets in the van) Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just go.

Hellhound: He-hey, that sounds like Loona!

Loona: The "a" is silent, bitch!

Hellhound: He-hey, I knew it was you! Fuck, girl, where've you been? Are you here for the party?

Loona: N-no, I'm just here picking up my son.

Hellhound: Oh, shit! Do you have a son now?

Blitzo: (annoyed) Adopted, asshole!

Hellhound: Aw, girl, you're already leaving? Things just got started. Come in and show us all up again.

Loona: No, no, thank you. But, I think Blitzy wants to head back.

[Blitzo notices a imp approaching the van.]

Imp: Huh, the hot guy next to you wants to leave?

Loona: (growls) Watch it!

Blitzo: Hey, I mean, we could stay a little longer.

Loona: I think we have to go, okay? It's been a very difficult night.

Blitzo: Well, these people seem to know you. Come on! I think I wanna give this another try. (makes tender kitten eyes.) Pleeease?

Loona: (rubs his temples) Okay, fine. Just a small drink and that's it.

[Cut to Loona drinking from a keg as the other guests chant.]

Blitzo: Loon! Loon! Loon! Loon!

Loona: (hops off the empty keg) Ahh!

[The demons celebrate, even Blitzo].

Loona: Ha ha! That was nothing, bitch! Gimme a real challenge!

[Beelzebub then appears behind Loona holding a chicken leg.]

Beelzebub: Oh, yeah? Wanna fucks with the big fly, Hellhound? I got a challenge for ya.

Colson: Oh, she's going to die.

Verosika: (arrives with two yellow kegs) Aaaaalright, let's do this! (puts the kegs down) From Beelzebub's stash, the hardest shit there is.

[Loona is shaking with madness.]

Verosika: You ready, my girl?

Loona: Oh, born ready! (tries to open one of the kegs) Bring it, Fly! I will drink you under this fucking table, you have no idea what kind of night I've had!

[Beelzebub uses her powers to lift the kegs and prep nozzles for them.]

Beelzebub: (laughs) All right, Weird Hellhound, but there hasn't been a soul yet who can beat me at my own game. So, you better bring the fire, bitch.

Loona: Oh, is King Beelzebub too scared to lose to a Hellhound like me?

Beelzebub: Oh, all right, let's do it, you freak!

[Verosika signals for the contest to begin, and Beelzebub and Loona start drinking.]

Blitzo: Come on, Loon! Fuck he up! You can do it!

[Loona rips off the nozzle and chugs the whole keg, surprising Beelzebub.]

Loona: (Kick over the empty barrel) Who's the queen now?!

Blitzo: Yeah! That's my MOM!

Beelzebub: Well, fuck me! It's my first time. I hadn't had a first in a long time. That was amazing, seriously, awesome. I bow my crown to you, Hellhound. (I bow to Loona) Respect, A toast to The Hellhound!.

[All the other party guests raise a glass of beer, including Blitzo, this causes Loona to make a howl, passes out drunk and is carried away while Beelzebub and Verosika look at each other worriedly].

[As the party continues, the guests continue having fun and chatting, Blitzo is shown laughing with a couple of other Imps, and Verosika taps her on the shoulder.]

Verosika: Hey, Blitz. I don't mean to be a buzz kill here. But, your uh, mom... madwoman... Is um... He's seeming a bit...

[Beelzebub appears behind her with a worried face].

Beelzebub: Out of control, like... A mess.

Verosika: Yeah, it's worrying. Do you want to go see her or something?

Blitzo: What!? No! No, Loona is fine. She's always a mess, trust me.

Beelzebub: Look, bro. I see people having fun and screwing around all the time. But, she's getting drunk and causing trouble on purpose. So, I feel like, you should check up on her at least.

[Blitzo starts to get angry as the imps she was talking to poke their heads over to eavesdrop.]

Beelzebub: Just see if something's up.

[Blitzo then marches over to Beelzebub and confronts he.]

Blitzo: Hey, don't act like you know him like I do.

Beelzebub: I ain't sayin' that. I'm just pretty sure she's had four tongues inside him at once. I mean... good for her.

[Verosika nods in agreement.]

Beelzebub: But... I can taste the flavor of people at my parties, and she's giving off a very, not okay vibe, you know?

[Blitzo gets progressively angrier.]

Blitzo: Oh, yeah? And I bet you'd know the "okay" vibe, right? I mean everyone likes you so much.

[Beelzebub flies up near Blitzo's face to challenge him.]

Beelzebub: What's that supposed to mean, you got a problem, sour lemon? (Changes to his demonic form to a bigger fly) Don't fuck with me!

[Blitzo preps for a fight until he sees how it's upsetting Verosika.]

Blitzo: (sighs) Sorry. Yeah, nope, I'll, uh... I'll check on him.

[He walks off as Beelzebub shrinks back to his normal form.]

Beelzebub: Ugh... sorry. Sorry. I know I got a little spicy there. I just... hope everything works out. Now, let's dance! (flies off with Verosika)

[Meanwhile, Blitzo looks around trying to find Loona.]

Blitzo: Loon! Loon! Where are you, you crazy shit?! LOO-

[He sees Loona French-kissing another Hellhound.]

Blitzo: Oh, piss on a dick! (grabs Loona by the collar) What the fuck are you doing, Loon?!

Loona: This guy~ (points to the hellhound, who briefly waves)

Blitzo: It looks like you're in the middle of a goddamn orgy! Stop!

Loona: (slurred) Look, I didn't expect you to come in here and see any of this, Blitzy. I'm so sorry, but it's a party, I'm just havin' fun with, uh... (turns to the hellhound) The fuck is your name again?

Hellhound: Bob.

Loona: Christ on a stick, you would be a Bob. (waves arms, shooing Bob away) Get the fuck away from me, I'm not fucking a Bob tonight! I need a Joan or Roderick in here, stat!

[The Hellhound standing by a nearby corner pulls her in.]

Loona: (sticks tongue out) (Speak Spanish) Hola Papacito~

[Blitzo hits the hellhound multiple times with his brass knuckles in the face, knocking the hellhound back, then Loona stumbles and Blitzo catches her].

Blitzo: You don't need anyone else to suck your face, weirdo. (grabs Loona's hand) You need to drink something other than Beelzejuice.

Loona: Ugh, no...

[Blitzo carries Loona to the van, and buckles him up, then her three new friends wave him goodbye; Blitzo waves back, then she gets in the van and drives off.]

Blitzo: Do you need to throw up?

Loona: Mmm... no.

Loona: (scoffs) Yeah, you do.

[Back at the apartment, Blitzo turns on the lights and puts Loona back on the couch, then gets a glass of water and a blanket for her.]

Loona: I had a shitty day...

Blitzo: Oh, yeah? Is that why you drank like five gallons worth of who-knows-what?

Loona: Fuck, Prodit was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste.

Loona: Will you be there, Blitzy?

Blitzo: Be...where?

Loona: I dunno, just (mumbles) Lonely... die alone.

Loona: I'll be there, Mom.

[He drapes the blanket over Loona and pats his ear.]

Blitzo: Now, go the fuck to sleep, okay? (turns off the lights)

Loona: (mumbling) Moxxie, Millie, Octavia...

[Blitzo takes one last look at Loona before heading into her room, then after a beat, Loona vomits up the Beelzejuice.]

Loona: Oh, Fuck... yeah, I did need to throw up.