You excite me (Jeff x male reader)

Seizure

Y/n POV

It was a pretty normal Saturday, Jeff was out of the house doing God knows what. My dad was out working as again but he called a bit more today, he probably didn't want to leave on a bad note with me. I was chewing on my red pen while listening to music and then it dawned on me. I haven't cut myself in at least a month? Was it something I did differently.
I shrugged it off if I thought about it I would relapse I'm just enjoying my time doing my homework with my new pen.

Slice 

But the thoughts kept flooding. What did I do? I mean Jeffs a pretty big change but I feel like he would make me do it more you know? Do I not have an excuse..? I look down at my thighs my empty hand gently gliding across the fabric. I always hated wearing shorts or leggings. When I would rub my hand on the cuts under the leggings I could feel the swelling of the cuts. With shorts it just pointed out my scars. I hated my scars.

Cut

I never found a good coping mechanism I never really felt like I needed one. The cuttings just a think I do its not for shame or pain. It's just apart of me. At least that's what I say because I've done it so long I've forgotten the original problem.
I did it before mom died. Dad still loved me, I wasn't insecure.
My head hurt from searching my mind for a reason why I would scar myself for the rest of my life. Was it to maybe visualize my pain into a physical form so it didnt feel fake?

Slice.

Was it for attention? I don't think it was ever for that...i don't think really anyone knows.

Cut.

I never thought of it as a big deal but not that I think of it.

Slice.

I wish I wouldn't bleed so much...im getting dizzy.
I lay in the bathroom floor unaware of my surroundings was it my wrists or thighs that I cut. Did it finish my home work. Do I hear footsteps. My nerves were through the roof I could hear every breath I took, very shiver my body got I counted. It was like I had a fever.

Cut.

Just one more? The razor was dull from my skin and my skin was to cut open. In the middle of this I found it to hard to sit in the toilet so I ended up laying in the tub for a better angle. Little did I know the tub started to fill with blood. Not a lot that would be crazy but there was a puddle.
My hearing was muffled, stress, fear, nerves.
I couldn't hear, I couldn't breath and my vision was getting lost.

I don't want to be lost.

Feeling my eyes shut I felt a wave of peace, like my body was physically tired. I couldn't hear the rapid phone calls I was getting from Xavier of from my dad. I couldn't head what my heart necklace said even if he cared to talk to me about himself.

I was alone.

Scared.

This was no longer peaceful I wasn't a dying Swan I was shaking and I couldn't stand without slipping in my out blood. I couldn't see so even if I were to walk I would fall again. I couldn't be left here I could let anyone see me like this. I'm better then this. My mom taught me better.
I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed, if I was breathing or not.

I feel a hot compress on my thigh and I couldn't help but scream and bite my lip with the pain. I grab onto the wrist of whoever was helping me. I didn't know if I was fighting them or begging for help.
I could tell who it was, were there hands calloused like Jeffs, were they big like Xaviers. We're they soft and warm like my moms.
I want it to be my mom.
I just want my mom.

"Y/n."

I hear a strict voice making me flinch out of my frozen state. Who's voice was it? It definitely wasn't my mom.

"Wake up! Please?"

This was a different voice of at least a different tone I couldn't pin point who it was. There were for hands in my body pressing down on my legs. I wince tears of pain flood my eyes.

"He is awake dumbass-"

"I know I'm- I'm just worried!"

My eyes widen and I get flashed with the bright light of the bathroom. I feel my hands slow down on the shaking but they clinged to whatever they could grab onto. The tub and the rack on the wall. My eyes get adjusted to the light it took a minute. Both the figures looked at me one pale and one with a darker skin tone.
My eyes focused on the one holding my leg up over his shoulder.

"Xavier..?" I whispers my jaw having a hard time unclenching. I move it around with my hand with a bit of pain.

"Holy- shit! Fuck- dude!?"

he quickly got ontop of me opening my mouth before getting pulled back by-

"Jeff..?"

I take a moment to look at the situation. My eyes widen as I look down at my blood covered thighs. My eyes widen even more when I see Jeff sitting in a room with Xavier.
They were both holding my legs apart but that besides the point-

"I-im-"

I go to speak even though I had no idea what to say. My head pounded causing me to flinch and grab my hair.

"Hey hey hey, it's fine, you're fine..."

Xavier speaks gently rubbing my calf with his thumb.

"Bloody but fine..."

He smiles looking down at my legs trying to keep the smile as nod to worry me.
Jeff helps me sit up his hands also going to check my mouth.

"What happened..?"

I feel Jeffs's hand slither around my waist lifting up my shirt most likely looking for any cuts on my stomach.

"I think you had a seizure dude-"

My stomach dropped.

———————-

ITS CURRENTLY 4:06 in the morning. Your Pookie dookie has to stay on that grind-

I woke up and was just like.

I really need to write that fuckin chapter.

So I wrote that fuckin chapter.