________________________________________
[Name] to Pigsy: I'd make fun of your height but there isn't enough to make fun of.
________________________________________
Tang: Would you rather kill Monkey King, or—
Macaque: Yes, kill him.
Tang: I didn't say the other thing—
Macaque: I don't need to hear it.
Monkey King: ...I'm feeling a little unsafe.
________________________________________
Sandy: Hey, Redson, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Redson: Yeah.
Sandy: And you, [Name]?
[Name]: Umm... yes?
Sandy: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
[Name]: Did they just-
________________________________________
Macaque as a child: I can't wait to grow up and have cool adventures!
Macaque now: I can't wait to go to bed.
________________________________________
MK: And now for a gay update with Monkey King and Macaque.
Monkey King: Getting gayer.
MK: Thank you, Monkey King.
________________________________________
Tang: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don't murder someone right now.
MK: There are no books in prison.
Tang: *sighs* Thank you.
________________________________________
Macaque: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I'm actually bi.
________________________________________
[Name]: Come on, you need to go to bed.
MK: Mr. Snuffles says that I can stay up as long as I want. And that you need to die!
[Name]: ...
[Name]: What the hell, Mr. Snuffles—
________________________________________
[Name]: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Monkey King will and will not eat.
MK: Grass? Yes!
[Name]: Moss? Yes!!
MK: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
[Name]: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
MK: Worms? Sometimes!
[Name]: Rocks? Usually nah.
MK: Twigs? Usually!
[Name]: Tang's cooking? Inconclusive!
Sandy: How did you... test this?
[Name]: You just hand him stuff and say 'eat this' and if he eats it, he eats it.
Sandy: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Tang: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
________________________________________
Monkey King: Well, needless to say. Uh-oh Spaghetti-os.
________________________________________
Monkey King: Say no to drugs.
Macaque: Say yes to drugs.
[Name]: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.
________________________________________
Monkey King, holding a rock: Macaque just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".
[Name]: If you don't marry them, I will.
________________________________________
Redson: *watching their house burn down*
Redson:
Redson: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.
________________________________________
Redson: That's ridiculous, [Name] doesn't have a crush on me.
Mei: Yes they do.
Monkey King: Yes they do.
[Name]: Yes I do.
________________________________________
Macaque: You have Crayons?
Monkey King: Yes, I have—
Macaque: You're— how old are you?
Monkey King: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.
________________________________________
[Name]: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in.
[Name]: So I've decided to break the fourth wall.
[Name]: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.
________________________________________
Macaque: Where's Tang?
Pigsy: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Pigsy, shouting: Monkey King sucks!
Tang, distantly: Monkey King is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Pigsy: Found them.
________________________________________
Redson: There's no way they like me back.
Monkey King: [Name] would throw themself in front of a moving car for you.
Redson: [Name] would throw themself in front of a moving car for fun.
________________________________________
Pigsy: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Pigsy: Not you [Name]. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.
________________________________________
Tang: *slams books down in front of Pigsy*
Tang: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It's gonna be a long night.
Pigsy: You could of said literally anything else.
Tang: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.
Pigsy: I'm going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won't win. I realize this now.
________________________________________
MK: Here you go, [Name], a nice hot cup of coffee!
[Name]: It's cold.
MK: A nice cup of coffee.
[Name]: It's horrible!
MK: Cup of coffee.
[Name]: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.
MK: C U P.
________________________________________
Pigsy: May luck (and this picture of [Name] eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.
________________________________________
Monkey King: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
MK: No, that's not how you make cookies.
[Name]: FLOOR IT!!
Monkey King: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
MK: YOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Monkey King: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
[Name]: DO IT!
MK: NO-
________________________________________
[Name], T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Pigsy.
Pigsy, not looking up from their coffee: Good morning, problem child.
________________________________________
MK: You're not gonna shoot a puppy, are you Redson!?
Redson: Yeah, in the face, why?
________________________________________
Tang: Hey.
Pigsy: Hey?
Tang: I can't sleep. :/
Pigsy: I can. Goodnight.
________________________________________
[Name]: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?
Redson: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.
________________________________________
[Name]: Good. Thanks, dad.
MK: You just called Pigsy "dad". You just said "thanks, dad."
[Name]: What? No, I didn't. I said "thanks, man".
Pigsy: Do you see me as a father figure, [Name]?
[Name]: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure 'cause you're always bothering me.
Tang: Hey! Show your father some respect!
________________________________________
[Name]: Sometimes, I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
________________________________________
[Name]: My gender is in a constant state of flux.
________________________________________
Pigsy: Tang..
Tang: Oh no, 'Tang' in B flat.
Tang: You're disappointed.
________________________________________
Obviously these aren't canon, but I was bored lol
YOU ARE READING
Chaos, Confusion, and Coffee. |LMK X READER|
Fanfiction✦"In which [Name] finds themselves in their favorite show, Lego Monkie Kid."✦ INFO: Reader is gender-neutral(they/them). Fanfic will be mainly reader's POV. There will be no 13+ scenes. Slow updates. Reader is an adult. Reader's eye color, hair colo...
