IGNITE

thirteen.

‹ 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧 ›

My heart pounded rapidly against my ribcage, my shoulders sagging as I let my head sink into my hands, tugging on the sweat–wicked roots of my hair.

Everything felt wrong—the room too small, the air too hot, the silence too loud.

I didn't move, didn't speak, barely even breathed. Not when I knew Piper stood just outside my bedroom, waiting for a sign that she needed to enter, to save me from the thoughts which threatened to overwhelm me.

Eventually, her footsteps sounded, growing further from my room, and I released a long, shuddering breath, tears pricking the back of my eyes. My body felt numb, a coldness seeping into my bones as my throat tightened, and my hands began to shake.

I had never been one to cry, not since I was young, and I wouldn't start now.

I wouldn't.

So, I pushed myself out of my bed, out of the dark, stuffy room and into the hallway, making my way down the stairs and out of the house.

I needed to feel the cold, to feel something other than the emptiness inside me, the hole that grew every day.

And if the boys noticed my disappearance, they didn't comment.

They didn't need to.

✧

It wasn't until the sun was high in the sky and the day had warmed that I returned home, feeling especially grateful that Piper's worn pair of white converse weren't sitting at the door—that I didn't need to face her today.

Instead, I found my brothers on the couch—the only family I knew, the ones who kept me grounded, who kept me alive. They lounged across the couches while Ryan and Kai bickered about something so pointless that the conversation was impossible to follow.

Ryan didn't look up as I walked in, but Kai paused, his words trailing off as his eyes met mine. I knew what he saw—the dark circles, the sunken eyes, the exhaustion that clung to me. But he grinned, offering me one of the many beers that sat on the coffee table.

I didn't think twice.

Slumping into the armchair beside the couch, I took a leisurely sip from the bottle. "What's the occasion?" I asked.

Kai laughed. "Ryan has a secret admirer."

Ryan shot Kai a glare, his eyes dark. "Shut the fuck up."

"Secret admirer?" I echoed, raising a skeptical brow. "Who?"

"No one."

Through a laugh, Kai spilled the details, "Some unsaved number texted him earlier." He raised his voice an octave, "'When can I see you again?'"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," Ryan warned, his jaw clenched, but I didn't miss the way his cheeks reddened.

"Oh, come on, dude," Kai laughed. "I'm just teasing you. It's good. It's a sign."

Ryan didn't respond, taking a long sip from his drink.

"Who is she?" I repeated.

"No one."

Kai groaned. "Stop being such a pussy and just tell him."

Ryan was silent, and when it became clear he wasn't going to share, I looked to Kai. He moved quickly, grabbing Ryan's phone from the coffee table and darting across the room.

The brunette made a move to follow Kai and shot up from his spot, only to be grabbed by Cyrus, who forced him back onto the couch with a shove, a nearly imperceptible smile playing on his lips.