Boneca [Doll]

Chapter 60: Existence

As absurd as it looked, Luuk tightened his bow tie. Junko insisted he wore it because she would be the bridesmaid. Still trying to connect the dots, but sure, whatever warmed the cockles of her heart. He took the hairpin she gave him and fastened it into his hair bun. The jade was dangling just above his left ear. He removed all of his ear studs but one.

Junko wasn't here since morning. Noel's wedding had nothing to do with him personally, so he didn't follow her to the cathedral that early.

Five minutes into the drive to the cathedral, he saw it beside the main road opposite Stanford University. His phone blared off the same time he parked his car. "Yes, sweetheart."

"Luuk, can you bring my watch? I left it-"

"It's here with me." He touched the watch in his pocket. "And I'm here. You'll meet me after the wedding?" He could simply wait in the car if she was too busy. He had no reason to attend Noel's wedding.

"No. The wedding is in three hours. Where are you? I'm coming to you. Save me for now. Madeleine is being ridiculous." She clicked her tongue. He laughed from the way she whispered.

"I'm in the car, at the park by the fire hydrant."

"Oh, shit. She's looking for me. Give me a minute." She ended the call.

He scanned the entrance fifty yards away. He didn't know what to expect actually. Junko would be the bridesmaid, but could she handle wearing a dress? She had never worn women's clothing. She sounded fine just now. Was it him who was overthinking it?

He was startled by a quick knock on the window. A hand holding a silver strapped four-inches heels touched the seat as soon as the door opened.

"Look at that." Junko slumped on the passenger seat, closed the door, and threw the heels on the floor. The wavy strains of the hair on her temple shook. She had secured her hair into a low bun. Her black diamond earrings caught the light (he gave them to her yesterday). "Madeleine actually asked me to wear those. Is she crazy? She should have given it to me a week ago so I could... I dunno. Practice or something. And she said it totally slipped her mind. Fuck, I almost broke my ankle trying to walk in those just now. Your mom is a fashion designer. How tall are those? Five inches? Six?" She tsked, throwing her muted phone in her laced purse and taking out her cigarette.

But the only thing he was looking at was her face. Since when had she looked like a woman so much? When did she cross the boundary?

Her burgundy dress was embellished with long ruffle lace, covering her chest. The lace was made into the half sleeves too.

"Four." He stared at her matted red lips that were clamping the cigarette butt. "Four inches. Not good for a first-timer. Nope."

Junko blushed when he kept on staring at her, making the pink blusher on her cheeks deeper. "Don't look at me like that," she said. "If I knew being a bridesmaid would make me look like a clown, I'd never agree to this." She peeked at him through her long eyelashes.

Milada even made her wear mascara and eyeshadows. He laughed, not because it looked bad, but because it looked too good on her. He felt ridiculous for thinking she already looked too much like a woman before.

"You're kidding, right?" He touched her hand. It was trembling slightly. "Jesus. Junko, you're fucking beautiful. You've always been, but you look different today." He rubbed her hand. "And it's not a bad thing."

"The shoes are bad." She huffed out smoke. A small pout formed on her face.

He took out her watch and gave it to her. "Where is your ring?"

"I left it at home."

"Why? I gave it to you to wear."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Sweetie, the gemstone is three times bigger than Madeleine's wedding ring. I'd not ruin the mood by flashing something as expensive as that at her wedding."

"It's not my fault that Anderson didn't get her a bigger stone." He shrugged a shoulder. "Anyway, let's buy you new shoes. We have three hours."

She clasped the watch around her wrist and smiled. "Please, or I swear to God I'll show myself barefoot."

"Lean forward a bit. Let me put this on you."

"Put what?" she asked, but still leaned over.

He kissed her forehead and pulled out her mother's hairpin from his hair. "Your kanzashi." He pinned it into her bun.

"Luuk. No. I gave it to you, and I will not take it back." She touched the hairpin.

"Fine. I'm lending it to you. Okay?"

Staring at him for a few seconds, she suddenly leaned forward and gave him a quick peck on his lips, more like stealing a kiss.

"What was that? What are you? A teenager?" he asked.

She stared at his lips. "This lipstick doesn't stain, right?" She giggled, then gasped when her phone vibrated in her purse. She butted out the cigarette in her portable ashtray, then leaned on the seat and strapped the seatbelt. "Shoes." She pointed toward a random direction.

Today, she looked the happiest she had ever been since he knew her. It's weird to say this, but she was doing great being a woman. She was a natural.

He wouldn't know what she was feeling inside. He once thought she had dealt with her uncertainties, but he thought wrong. What happened with her father several days ago made him realize that like him, her fears were still internalized inside a box somewhere in her mind, and being around him would trigger her childhood trauma.

But he saw the way her eyes glinted in happiness today. She was smiling, and it looked too invaluable to be a fake.

He told her that love wouldn't cost anything. But he lied. Because he would sell the world to buy that smile for her. He would sell his Christian soul to Satan for an exchange of her smile.

The smile that was proud of her existence.