Boneca [Doll]

Chapter 58: The Beginning of The End

Luuk had been holing up in the room for two days, refusing to see anyone, not speaking, not eating—too ashamed to look at Junko's face or stay alive. The child in his head had been mocking him since the day Junko was attacked by her father.

"Luuk?"

A slight creaking of the door followed Junko's voice. Her steps got closer, but he couldn't look at her. Ashamed.

"Luuk." He felt her soft touch on his bare arm. His body hair rose, but he still couldn't look at her. Still ashamed.

The scent was mild, but she brought him porridge, like yesterday. Putting the tray on the side table, she kneeled in front of him. "Look at me, honey. It's been two days since you talked to me or eaten anything. I'm worried. Kurosaki is worried too." Her touch on his cheek was so soft, he wanted to melt and mold into her hand.

"Milada has been calling you nonstop. She was expecting you to ground her the first thing after she came back from Slovakia. She was worried sick. She thought you're too angry with her to answer. I've let her know you're fine. Call her, Luuk. She threatened to go to Slovakia again if you don't answer her calls."

He looked at her. Or tried. Because her amber eyes burned his own. It reached his throat, and it reached his heart.

"Oh, Luuk." The bed creaked companionably when she sat next to him, hugging him tight, rubbing his back. "Olhe para mim. Estou aqui com você. Não fui a lugar algum. Estou saudável. Estou bem." [Look at me. I'm here with you. I haven't gone anywhere. I'm healthy. I'm fine.]

She might be physically fine, but God knows what she was feeling inside. Her father harmed her again; she almost died again.

Two days ago, the moment he saw Junko passed out, something inside him died. He had allowed her to get in danger. She almost died because he wasn't enough. She survived because of luck, not because of him. Luck, the element he hated the most in his life. It gave him a false sense of security.

The child in his head was laughing at him since it happened. Jesting him. "You're a useless adult. You promised to protect her. But she almost died again. Tell me what's the difference between you and her father? You two killed her."

And the kid in his head was right. He couldn't even find happiness in the world for himself. How could he dream of protecting her happiness? What did he know about happiness in the first place?

Junko peeled his hands apart from his face. She kissed his forehead, his wet eyes, his cheeks, and his nose as she untied his hair. "I love it when you wear your hair like this. And I don't like saying this, but your eyes are gorgeous when you cry." She twirled his hair between her lean fingers. Then she climbed onto the bed and lay her head on his lap. "Luuk... Last month, my psychiatrist told me a story. Would you like to listen to it, honey?" she said, twirling his hair still. Her pinky grazed his clavicle, sending shivers down his back. She hummed, waiting for an answer.

He murmured an assent.

"I'll tell you if you look at me."

Staring deep into nothingness, he hoped that nothingness would pull him into a black hole. It took him a while to pull his gaze away and look at her pretty face. It hurt, but he willed himself to look into her eyes.

"Do you know that Dr. Bell is a children's book author?" she asked, her lips pulled in a small smile.

He nodded. The story he told that bastard about the Asian elephant in his office was told by Dr. Bell when Luuk was a kid too. He referred Junko to him when they moved to San Francisco because he was his psychiatrist.

"He told me a story about a faceless girl. So interesting. I wonder if he made up the story for me." Junko smiled, her canine stuck out a bit.

Lord, thank you for giving me another chance to see her smile.