To Heal is to Feel

The one who got it

I watch as the sun starts to rise, nervously. I spent the whole night thinking of ways to tell Rick I'm sorry without having to apologize sincerely.

I'm so stupid.

Why couldn't he have just hit me back so we could call it even. If mama can do it, so could he.

Listen to your own thoughts for once, Lanna.

It needs to stop. The voice inside my head needs to stop. It is growing to louder and bold each waking and sleeping day.

It wasn't stopping inside when everyone was sleeping, it was starting to make my head hurt. So, I silently made my way outside and spend the rest of the time sitting in my new found corner.

The door opens and someone walks out. The door shuts with a soft click and I hesitate to move my eyes to the side.

The footsteps become closer, till they stop next to my folded legs. Silence... there's been too much silence these past few days.

"Look," he lets out a familiar tired sigh, "I get it , hmm?"

My head snaps up to him, he... gets it?

"Being in a strange place, with a bunch of strangers. That enough stress alone for a kid like you. And then finding out that your mom's still alive, here. It's overwhelming for you, hmm?" I watch his moves as he slowly bends down to my level.

He sits on the floor in front of me.

I think. Yes, he does get it. But he doesn't get what I want him to get.

'She's not so mom material Rick, but I still love her.' No, I can't tell him that.

"A kid like me?" I divert my attention to another thought. Am I not like any other child?

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, Lanna. You're just... not like regular children your age. It's not a bad thing to be-"

"Different?" I state the word but it comes out as a soft question.

"Yeah, different." He nods, I bring my legs to my chest and wrap my arms around myself. He stares at me as if ready for an attack.

Like he's waiting for me to move.

I flick a finger up, curiously. As soon as my pinky stretched full length, his eyes snap down towards my knee where it had laid.

At this, I want to murder myself with one of my arrows.

"I'm sorry for hitting you off like I did yesterday. It wasn't nice." I let the words flow out of my lips.

When he doesn't say anything is when I begin to feel the worry come back. All because I didn't let him just... hold my shoulder.

I realize, that is how he connects. That's how rick makes sure you know he's alright and he's there. He touches, not just with his raspy words but with his skin.

I stick out a hand, it moves towards behind his neck, slowly, because I don't know how or what I'm doing right know.

I feel his eyes on me as I take a big swallow of anxiousness.

My other arms coming up and following its sibling. Soon, my arms are making a round, wide enough circle around ricks neck.

Next, my head leads to his fresh smelling shoulder. As my nose hits his skin just below his newly ,shaved face, I catch onto the scent of a husky vanilla smell.

I feel something around my stomach and back, snapping back to reality. His head resting on top of my hair.

It was rick, returning the hug I had firstly made.