CLANDESTINE | HS |

THIRTY TWO

Harry

Leaving her standing in that dress felt like torture.

The tears that pooled along her bottom lash line were caused by me, something I'd always told myself I'l would never do.

When I saw her in the arms of someone else it wasn't even seeing them together that felt like a punch in the gut.

No.

It was watching her get to dance without feeling like she needed to hide who she was dancing with.

It was watching her just get to be herself.

Not to say that when she was with me she was anything else, but unless we went to places on the outskirts of town or stayed in, what we have was just one big secret.

I didn't get to just talk about how much I loved her at my parents house or when I'm around my sister. Instead, it was about how we can hide the way we feel and keep it under wraps so that we didn't upset people.

Something that has never been fair but even more so now.

Logan deserved to be loved so loud that everyone could hear— in a way that everyone could see.

Giving her that wasn't the problem, I could do it.

The problem was the lies and the deceiving that we have built one on top of the other to create the relationship that we both thrive inside of.

Telling her that I needed to think about what we had and that I wanted her to come to me when she was ready felt like a lie. I know how I feel and that's something I don't have to think about.

She was the only answer for me.

Over and over again it would be the same answer.

A yes.

An 'I love you'.

A you were made for me.

What I needed was for her to decide which direction she wanted to go in.

Dealing with Lauren would be the hardest part.

We may fight and she might hate me for a while, but at the end of the day I would always be her brother. Logan didn't have that same sense of security.

Was losing her best friend worth it for me?

Standing in the kitchen with my palms pressed against the cool marble, I let out a long breath to calm my racing heart. I originally imagined coming home and waiting for Logan, thinking about the groceries I bought for us to make dinner and her favorite wine sitting on the counter.

Now I wasn't sure when I would see her.

I wasn't sure how long she would think about me.

"Hey there." Making her way between my legs, Toto lets out a meow before looking up at me with her olive colored eyes. "I know, I know." Reaching down to scratch between her ears, I sigh. "Usually Lo would be here feeding you a couple of snacks."

The vibration of her purr tells me that she knows I'm right.

Over the last few months I'd basically been abandoned by my little furry friend in place of the woman I loved to call my girlfriend.

Once grouchy and surly, it was like Logan called out to Toto and their souls meshed together in just the right way.

The thought of never having her in my space hits my chest again.

Not hearing her laugh.

Not touching her skin.

Not being able to love her.