CLANDESTINE | HS |

THIRTY SIX

Harry

Back and forth.

The muscles under my skin are tired, yet they continue to go back and forth over the dark wood, sanding it down to make it just right.

I don't have to look at myself to know that I'm covered in sawdust.

My safety glasses are in place and a mask over my mouth, every precaution that I could take in order to keep myself from getting injured was put into place.

Even if Logan hasn't talked to me— I don't want to add to any stress of hers by accidentally hurting myself.

It feels like part of me has been gone for far too long. Almost like someone carved out a hole in my chest and forgot to fill it. Leaving it wide open and vulnerable.

Keeping my distance from her was the hardest thing that I've ever done. Yet at the same time, I knew that she was being cared for.

From the restaurants on my bank statement that have catered to the floor that her mom was on from the way that Lauren has been by her side as much as she possibly could be.

Does it hurt knowing that I'm not the person with her?

Yeah, it fucking kills me.

I'd learned that Logan wasn't the kind of person who would ever ask for help, almost always preferring to do everything by herself. When she wanted someone there for her she would let them know.

Her grief was my grief no matter how much distance sat between us.

I understood where she was coming from. Pushing me away was a way that felt as if she could protect herself from any more damage to her heart. It wasn't an easy thing to do and it hurt like hell not to see her and hold her in my arms, but I respected her.

I loved her.

Nothing about that has changed nor would it ever change.

Logan was the person made for me and waiting for her would be exactly what I would do until she was back in my arms.

When you love someone you don't just give up and let them go when they need their own space, when they need their own time. Instead whether they need you right by their side or time away, you support them and tell them you love them in any way that you can.

That was something that I could do for her.

Not a day has gone by that my thoughts haven't wished for her or longed for her— just like they have since the very first day that I met her.

Loving Logan was like the light cutting through the dark, stormy clouds after a storm.

Bright and warm.

Happy and a breath of fresh air.

This wasn't easy by any means, but love rarely ever felt easy. Dealing with the good and the bad was a part of life. Something that made people into who they were and shaped everything about them.

Going through life without hardship wasn't in the cards for me and unfortunately it wasn't in the cards for the woman I loved either, but whenever she was ready, I would be there to fight alongside her for the sunshine and the brightness.

We would fight that hardship together, day by day and minute by minute.

Brushing my hand across the top of the table and pushing the sawdust onto the floor, the smoothness under my palm makes my eyes close at the feeling that courses through my veins.

For months this project has been on my list.

Something for people that meant a great deal to me and a very, very small thing that I could do. With what would be enough space for at least ten people, this could allow more people to sit alongside each other surrounded in life and laughter.