Disarrayed Trust; An Additional Chapter To Frankenstein

Extension of the final chapter of Frankenstein

"Think you that the groans of Clerval were music to my ears?" The daemon fell silent after the mention of such a name, as a glare of some sort entered his eyes—or perhaps the absence of it.
"Clerval. Where would one begin to describe such a soul?" Though Frankenstein had mentioned him often, I found myself truly piqued at the reaction the beast had shown towards him so sudden.
"You crave to know the events of which lead to the untimely demise of Clerval? A tale that even of Frankenstein could never know— certainty now." Though disdain and distrust flooded my mind, I was eager to hear what the creature had left to discuss.

"After my wretched creator had destroyed the loyalty he had sworn, I began to keep track of him as best I could, striving to stay ahead of him. I bear not to describe the details of how I managed to stumble upon Clerval, yet I became aware of Frankenstein's scheduled meeting with him in Scotland before I had done so. How fortunate had I been when I learned both my creator and I would discover ourselves there; I cannot say, as fortune is truly far from what one would consider this; perhaps it was closer to that of an utter curse of spite. I shall not know. Yet, presenting the concrete facts, I can say with certainty that I had gained the upper ground and brought myself here before my bearer of suffering— No, such a person had been primarily myself; my abhorred bringer of life had.
"When first here, you must be aware the instantaneous instinct of mine was to seclude myself and shun away from that of man, for I knew a civilization had resided here; I had seen the structures in the distance. I arrived at shore, not far from that of a slightly wooded area west. I had forced myself to remain there untill my mind could devise a plan of what to do whilst here. I could not —would not— allow myself to waste the opportunity to gain vengeance upon he, who gave me life, when I knew there was a possibility he, or someone who he held dear, could be in the near.
"Unfortunately, it could not be for that of much long, as a pang of violent hunger overcame me after mere moments. I wandered out from the comfort of trees, and dwindled slowly into where the human gaze could be rested upon me; and that it was.
"Originally, my plan to find sustainable nutrition was to scavenge amongst the sand of the nearby coast, and plead with the merciless entity above to grant me with either playful shellfish, or the decayed remnants (much akin to my own form) of the creatures that belonged to heartless sea —who of which had dragged them here to leave them stranded on land they were far from accustomed to, inevitably leading to their very demise— to consume. Yet, the Almighty God we praise (vile, he is) gave me the ability to perceive a fire lit just slightly yonder the coast; including that of a lone figure beside it. Perhaps it was a stroke of mere idiocy, or a dash of insanity that had been the very reason I had decided to listen to the compulsive desire to approach it; though once more, I will never be allowed to construct a respectable answer.
"I gradually made my way towards it; entirely disregarding my considerably more sound proposition, until the shadowy figure of a man; no more than twenty and five, made itself clear. This man I had recognized; A spirit beloved by my creator: Henry Clerval. I had seen him many times before; Him and Frankenstein had been preposterously close. So much so, he had spent a better half of an entire year spending time in his presence instead of obeying my orders to create a partner (which had been ultimately frivolous in the end) for my despicable self. He had yet to notice me, as I did him. It seemed the world had the hankering to have my stratagem of allowing my bestower of life to indulge in misery be infinity facile.
"He seemed extremely deep in thought, disturbingly so to not notice a stature like my own nearby. Seeing the visage of one who was so adored, so cherished, especially by he who had loathed and detested mine, filled my own countenance with pungent revulsion and nauseating envy. My mind unveiled back the excruciating reminiscence of the single opportunity I had at obtaining love be mutilated in front my very optics; tearing apart the only hope I had remaining along with it. Repugnance spread all throughout me, and I wanted nothing more than to do the same to my creator; my tormenter besides that of mankind and myself.
"I glazed at Clerval, now filled with a severe enthusiasm to halt his life at once, and guarantee that Frankenstein learn of it; when his eyes, drifted off into the stars of the night mere moments prior, gained perception anew, and secured with my own. The two of us shuddered with this realization, and his face had rapidly flooded with dread and disrelish. I anticipated him to ambush me; to try and assassinate me so that I would be given fair reason to return the act to him, but alas, God was not that benevolent. He froze, petrified by my countenance, my hideous countenance, entirely silent. For the initial brief moments he stared into my eyes, it felt strange.
" The fear he had given, it was not the same as that of my protectors from so long ago; it was unique. It gave an aura that he had no violent intentions, merely controlled panic, which unsettled me. Of all people, I believed Clerval, the one Frankenstein thought of most highly, would have the most dangerous reaction against me; yet that was so far estranged from the truth. He backed away; only slightly, then again, fixed his gaze upon me. A new look had entered his eyes —I had never seen such a glare be made towards me— as he had spoken to me. Calmly and quietly he did, though full of uncertainty and hesitance.
" 'What... exactly may you be?'
"It was a question that struck me like lighting to a rod. I sat, completely stunned at what had just occurred. Never, never had I experienced this. Never had I anticipated this; a conversation with someone of composure, at least partial. Not only such that, but about my very being.
"I remained silent, uncertain of my response to such an advance, when Clerval had uttered another question; 'Do you not understand me? Perhaps you lack knowledge of French, or, if it is not offensive to assume, language as a whole?'
"I hardly processed what occurred, but shoke my head to alert Clerval I, too, could speak.
" 'Yes, I can comprehend your words. I am not an uneducated being. I speak and know of French; English and German as well.'
"Clerval's anxieties seemed to disperse slightly upon hearing my response. Why, I cannot say.
" 'Oh! Impressive, is that not? Yes, I also know of English and German, French happens to be my mother tongue. I would believe it is yours too, due to your pronunciation. Well, it is a relief to know that you do understand my words. Yet, because that is so, then you shall answer my question?' He pleaded, before replying to himself, 'However, do not feel obligated to do so if answering is too much to ask! I do not wish to offend or cause discomfort of any kind.'
"This was the first time anyone had ever considered my own feelings; had amended their words to be less harsh. Of all times, of all people to give me such empathy, it had to be Clerval during a bitter episode of disdain.
" 'Then I will not, as you are correct. It displeases me greatly. Do not ask for such details once more.'
"He nodded, his eyes now shining something I'd seen many times, but never had the pleasure of being gifted; warmth. There was underlying fear behind them, but for reasons unbeknownst to me, he had allowed himself to give warmth towards me; though in restraint. I did, and still cannot understand why he did. I am truly convinced it was the gods above playing a cruel joke on me to increase my suffering. In my responses from here on out, I tried to remain cold and harsh, as the hateful ideas of killing Henry still danced freely within my mind.
" 'Very well. I am aware it can be difficult to open up to those you do not know. I apologize for such a blunt question. I suppose I was, and am, a tad taken aback by your presence.'
"Those words were sharp, as they lacked the venom all the others thrown towards me were acquitted with. A part of me felt so conflicted with Clerval. He had been an honest man, even towards me, and took effort to consider my own feelings, even if briefly.
" 'Yes,' I allowed myself to answer, 'Many are. They perceive me as sinister and evil. They wish me dead, and I am certain you do as well.'
"Against the odds, Clerval shook his head in disapproval.
" 'No, not in the slightest! For, why would one judge a book merely on it's cover? All the best works one can read have covers that diverge interest, yet that does not demean the quality of the tale! In fact; it enhances it, as it will be overlooked by the masses, while you know how wrong they are! And besides such accusations, the reason I was off-put was much less your countenance and more your sudden appearance. I was unaware of anyone being near.'
"I wished to counter his argument —to tell him how he could not judge a book he had yet to read— though instead, I decided I would ask him a question of my own.
" 'Why and how so?'
" 'I suppose I was pondering in my thoughts, and you had been the one to break me out of them.'
"I pried further; 'Of what were those thoughts?'
" 'Not of much, merely a friend of mine. I am set to meet him here within a few days, though I have concern he will not show.'
"He spoke of who I hated; Frankenstein. I pried again, now wanting to hear of all his thoughts, of all his concerns, so that I may use them for selfish desires. 'Why be concerned? If he is a friend, he will be true to his promise. What friend would not?'
" 'Well, he is not one to always remember such things; minute or massive. He has been so busy, as of late, as well. He has been for quite some time; constantly working away, unable to be around me, or even put out the energy to write. For example; he sworn he would write last we spoke two years ago, yet he has yet to send me a single letter back to my dozens, no, hundreds of likely unopened messages. It is an isolating feeling. I hope he will arrive, though I know him all the well, and the lingering suspicion he will fail me again grows with every second.'
"Though, he had yet to reveal his name, I knew exactly who 'he' was. A guilty sensation washed over me when I saw how passionate Clerval had been on this topic. Part of the blame for Frankenstein's inability to maintain connections with Clerval had been on myself. I had been so insistent he worked, that I failed to consider all those around him. Still, I yearned to gain revenge now, to have my creator and all his companions suffer; including Clerval. Yet, that did not sway the pain I felt while hearing his earnest worries.
" 'May I obtain the name of this acquaintance?'
"Clerval looked back at me, with a sort of hurt look on his face when 'acquaintance' had left my lips.
" 'He is much more than an acquaintance, I will have you know. Though he is not perfect as a friend, he is the best I have. He has been there for me when the world was the darkest and coldest, and I for him when he lay almost dead. He is more than just a mere star in the night sky; he is the moon, and I the sea, who sways for him. We are closer than friends, above that of brothers. He is my dearest, Victor. My best of friends.'
"He said all in a very confident, serious tone, one so full of honest admiration and devotion. He had quickly paused after revealing Frankenstein's name, as his face grew noticably red in the fire light. Clerval diffused anxious laughter afterwards, and I could not help but join in vaguely, as I realized how close he truly was to my creator. The excruciating shame of mine rose again.
" 'My! Oh dear! My apologies! I- I have found myself slightly carried away! Please, do forgive me. I suppose I find myself very... Wrapped up in such topics regarding my friend.'
"I tried to switch the discomfort of his away, pulling away from clear overbearing loyalty he had for Frankenstein.
" 'When you say 'Victor', do you mean that of Victor Frankenstein?'
"His face became a brighter shade, almost as if he himself were part of the fire.
" 'Well, yes- You have heard of him?'
" 'That is not of importance.'
" 'Very well, then. Though, I will repeat myself, yes, my friend is that of the Victor Frankenstein. He is a beloved companion.'
" 'Yes, that is obvious. Do you believe you are beloved to him?'
"With those few words, Clerval's demeanor seemed to slightly drop from confidence to uncertainty.
" 'I sincerely hope I am. He has told me time and time again I am, though,'
" 'Though what?'
" 'Well, as a common phrase goes; 'actions speak louder than words', and many of Victor's actions, they seem to contradict his own feelings towards me. I wish I could know what runs throughout his mind, perhaps then I could be a priority to him. I feel everlasting anguish knowing his work seems to replace myself.'
"I saw how defeated he looked, and once more, was greeted with guilt for making Clerval spill so much of his mind out.
" 'Enough of me and my friend, may I learn about yourself?'
" 'What is there to learn?'
" 'Well, perhaps we shall exchange names?'
"Clerval attempted to introduce himself, though I felt discontent with such direction in our conversation.
" 'There is a lack of need for such. We must not get ahead of ourselves.'
" 'I see. My apologies then. I suppose I thought it would be good to know each other, though I shall not pry. May I know why you thought of me to dislike you?'
"I did not know what emotions to experience. Moments ago I had persuaded Clerval into sharing deep information on himself, and now he had gone to openly state he would not do the same to me. While I had little knowledge of Clerval, all impressions I obtained merely enhanced the idea of his benevolence. I desperately wished to refuse him an answer, to turn away from it, and perhaps end both our conversation and his life here, but alas, a new impulse had seized me, and I had found myself speaking truths.
" 'That is because I am not immune to sensing your hate towards me. All do, you are no exception.'
" 'Though, that is not true at all! As I have mentioned, I do not judge books based on cover! I am certain what contents you hold, they are of value!'
"Once again, he had given me reassurance, and now, I felt the requirement to deflect it.
" 'You do not know any of me! You cannot say what I am and what I am not! Why defend me?'
" 'Because I am not! I merely state the truth. You are right to say I cannot say what you are. Only you can do such, but to deem yourself as so lowly, so awful —to deny yourself of confidence— is it wrong of me to not wish that? I do not know you, yet I know you hold worth. All of us, we hold worth. Even the worst scum on this planet have of some value. You are worth something.'
"Again, guilt came in mind. Why had he been so patient with me? Why had he tried to care for me? It overwhelmed me.
" 'What if I were part of such scum? What if I were worthy of self-hatred? How would you be able to know I am not such?'
" 'I can never truly know, that is certain, but no artist of expertise will ever consider himself a great.'
" 'Yet, I am neither an artist nor a work of art! I am a daemon rejected by all, and you are wrong to say else wise! You cannot tell if I am scum or not, so do not ever try to sway my mind on what value I hold!'
"He continued to comfort me, despite all of signs that I was not worthy of such comfort.
" 'No, you are wrong!'
"Something new now washed over Clerval's face, and I cannot name what it was, though it was passionate, and strong.
" 'We all both art and an artist. You may see yourself as hideous, and while others will agree, they do not know what you do. They have not written your story. They have not painted your canvas. They have not sketched on your page, or played your song. You are correct to say I am not certain on what lies in the pages of your novel; I have yet to read it, but you cannot allow what others believe of you to define your character. Once more, only you can. I may not shift your ideals, though I desperately desire that you know honesty.'
"Why? Why had he said that? I listened to those words as my eyes moistened with tears. Despite my demeanor's attempt to stay firm, it had gotten difficult to continue such frigid behavior in the presence of a warm soul. I began to break, coming loose with all the guilt and sorrow in me.
" 'It is not just one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not ten, not even a hundred, but all of man! They all see my form and believe me to be a daemon, and they are far from wrong! I am such! A wretched abomination who cannot find a single companion in this pathetic world! I deserve to be perceived as scum.'
"That is when he had said it. He had said something I had never yet to hear; something I would never hear again. I hated and still do hate myself for allowing such remarks to be made, though at the time, I could not stop him. I was too deep in my emotions to prevent this from spiraling out of control.
" 'Then, perhaps I shall be the first? I shall be your companion. All deserve a companion. All deserve a chance, as I can tell the soul you have, it is pure! I can tell what you have, it is genuine and caring! You do not deserve such harsh judgement, you deserve support. I will be the one to give you that. I will give you all the support I can.'
"When he uttered those words, I could no longer speak. I had nothing more to say. I had done it just then. I had made my first and only companion. Someone who saw me beyond my abhorred appearance. With all his empathy and kindness, he allowed himself to deem me a friend, whilst I, an enemy. Now, two feelings dominated me; guilt and joy. Mere minutes ago, I was certain to end the life of the man who sat before me, to be as cold as I could to avoid this outcome; yet now, here he had been, claiming to be my friend. I felt awful, and wonderful at once. Someone wished to be my friend, to share affection with me, but at what cost? Clerval, he had not been aware of what I had done; what I had intended to do. He called my soul pure; and while I agreed to his declaration at first, the longer I sat with that idea, the worse it sounded. Why had I let him speak? Why had I not just killed him the second I had the opportunity? Why did I allow myself to know him, to befriend him, to see what Frankenstein saw in him? For just a short amount of time, those disgusting thoughts I had kept at bay washed away, and I could embrace Clerval's presence in full.
" 'What,' I paused, feeling intense worry set over me, 'Would make a soul tainted; remove the purity it holds? What must one do that would make them scum like myself?'
"He looked up at me, with a gentle smile, and a subtle chuckle, then spoke.
" 'If we are to be friends, you must dethrone yourself of the title of scum! It would take an awful a lot to truly earn that title; perhaps a murder, or intense hatred that could not be let go. To be malicious and create harm towards those they dislike, instead of being able to understand their views. Even then, I think that soul should deserve a second chance. There are very few things in life that could forever taint a soul. Not even murder would do so, since often times, it can be just. You are not scum, I can reassure that.'
"That disgusting guilt clawed deeper at me. Most of what he had listed had been exactly what I had committed. He was so completely wrong about my soul being pure. Not only was he wrong, but the acts of sin I had done, they had directly harmed him. I had caused such suffering on one he cared so infinitely deep for; I hated him. I had been responsible for two deaths of people he had been close to, as well as my creator: Justine and William. I could not find it in me to understand what Frankenstein had thought and felt. Worst of all; Clerval was to be my next victim. I stared at him, as I felt a despotic impulse wash over me. It was of animosity. It was of repugnance. It was entirely made of guilt. Those thoughts had returned, yet now, I could not keep them under control.
"Clerval continued to laugh softly and awkwardly, as I felt these horrid thoughts take me over. I had been so awful, so, so awful. Why would I deserve a friend? I did not deserve a friend. I could not accept this! I could not allow myself to be happy when I knew what I had done! Not only could I not be happy, neither could he! Neither could Frankenstein! It had been his fault I became corrupted! It had been his fault I had even met Clerval! It was all entirely his fault! I sat there, as these ideas only boiled more vehemently.
" 'Now then, my friend, since you have earned such a title, may I finally collect your name? I shall share mine, too, if I may!' Clerval asked, and that was when I could handle this no longer. I bore no name, nor did I possess an identity besides that of an putrid soul! It did not matter if Clerval had the belief a soul tainted with hate and murder could be redeemed, I was far too deep in my impulses to stop myself. Without thinking, I wrapped my hand around Clerval's neck, and began to suffocate him.
" 'I lack a name, for I am nameless, and a monster! I am a daemon, and I had warned you! There is no peace left for me, and there is no companionship I shall have in this world! I will suffer for all eternity, as there is nothing more left beyond such! We shall all suffer! There is no hope left for a disgrace of God like myself! You have only to blame Victor Frankenstein for this! He is the reason I am so awful, and he is the reason you shall die! Do you understand this? You will die!' I shouted as I strangled Clerval. He screamed out, desperate to gain air. He took large breathes, but to no avail. Within moments, he was dead, but not before he had broken me with his dying words. His eyes were flooded with an emotion that disturbed me; it was not hatred or anger, though fear was apparent; it was of concern, confusion and above all: disappoinment. He did not attack me, even while dying, but rather tried to free himself from my grasp in the most pacifistic way he could: writhing around with vigour. The fact he had been so docile towards me, even now, only fueled my desire to end his life; to destroy him.
"Throughout his shrieks he let out the phrases; 'I do not understand', 'What have I done?', 'I am sorry', and the one that shook me the most: the name of my creator: 'Victor'. He had screamed his apologies to Frankenstein, how he failed him as a friend, and I wanted nothing more then to undo what I had started. I felt nauseous as he begged for me to let go, and confessed how deeply he loved and cared for Frankenstein, getting all the secrets he had left inside him before his death greeted him.
"Yet, nothing had made me feel more sick than when his screams had subsided, and he began to take his final breath, though before he could do so, he uttered three last words. Three words that would forever haunt me, as I do not understand where they came from: 'I forgive you.'
"He stopped squirming right before he said that, until nothing remained in him; his brown eyes were dull now, holding nothing beyond that last flicker of disappointment, whilst his long, brown, curled hair sprawled messily all around his head. I had let my impulses take over me so far, that in doing so, I lost the only person that had ever dared to speak to me; to understand me; to forgive me.
"All of it was an impulse I never wished to have started, but it had lived far too long for me to stop now. The guilt; it could only consume me. For, I had finally achieved what I wanted; but too late. From there, I disposed of Clerval by the shore, and mourned intensely.
"My heart was fashioned to be susceptible of love and sympathy; and when wrenched by misery to vice and hatred it did not endure the violence of the change without torture such as you cannot even imagine."

He would go on, Margaret, to tell of the events after the murder of Clerval, though I could not but feel entirely disturbed. Such hypocrisy he had.