DEFINE LOVE - JOHNNYBOY

CHAPTER FOUR

TW: INSTANCES OF ABUSE-RELATED TRAUMA

July 29, 1965 - 2:50 PM

Johnny’s POV

It’s been one week since that magical night in the lot, and Ponyboy and I are in a steady relationship. We’ve never exactly announced that we’re dating, but we both assumed that the kiss sealed the deal. We haven’t told the gang; not because we don’t want them to know, but because there hasn’t been a good time to tell them yet... We’ll tell them eventually.

I’m currently sitting with Ponyboy on the couch reading "Rumble Fish." I’m not very fond of books, but I find it a lot more interesting when Ponyboy reads to me. He says everything with emotion and emphasizes just the right words in order for me to remain focused. He’s a very good reader and I love listening to his soothing voice.

Ponyboy catches his breath after reading a long paragraph and takes a drink of water from the glass cup set on the table. Before he can continue reading, the front door flings open and Dally strides in. I smile and wave at him politely, but he returns my gesture with a grimace. He looks from me to Ponyboy, who has a hand around my shoulder. Dally, although cruel and intimidating, has always been extremely gracious towards me, so it’s unusual for him to act this way.

“Hey, Dally,” Ponyboy says, taking another swig of water.

“Hey, man. Whatcha doing?” Dally replies, faking a casual wave.

“We’re reading,” Ponyboy holds up the book.

Dally grunts and goes to surf through the fridge. Ponyboy and I both shrug and go back to reading.

However, I can’t seem to focus on what Ponyboy’s saying anymore. I’m still worrying about Dally’s attitude towards Ponyboy and I. It’s as if he became upset when he saw us together. I look over Ponyboy’s shoulder and catch Dally heading out of the house with a can of beer in one hand and a slice of cake in the other.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t realize that Ponyboy has stopped reading and is now staring at me.

“Johnny?”

I snap out of my daze and turn my focus back to Ponyboy. “Yeah?”

“Why aren’t you listening to the story? I thought you liked reading with me.”

“No, I love reading with you! It’s just, I don’t feel like it at the moment.”

“What do you want to do, then?” Ponyboy asks, setting down the book and scooching closer to me.

“I don’t know, do you have anything in mind?” I reply.

He leans forward and pecks my lips. “Let’s just stay here, like this.”

“That’s fine with me,” I smile and place my arms on both of his sides.

We sit there for a moment, staring at each other admiringly. The boy in front of me looks so lovely that I can’t help myself when I lean in and graze his lips. As I’m about to pull away, Ponyboy seizes my face and pulls me into a deeper kiss.

Ponyboy gradually makes his way from his seat beside me and onto my lap. His arms travel around my body, up my shirt and down my waist. My mouth aches as his lips continue to clash with mine.

I’m finding it hard to keep up with his pace, and it’s getting difficult to breathe. My eyes are wide open and my whole body tingles with discomfort.

“Babe,” I cry out, “Please stop, I-”

Ponyboy pulls away and removes his hands from my lower back. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that… I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

Ponyboy’s eyes broaden and his lips curl up in a sympathetic frown. “Oh, Johnny, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what I was doing.”

I look down at my lap, attempting to blink back emerging tears. I’ve never been touched with fondness before. I’m used to being punched, kicked, and ripped apart. That’s why it scared me when Ponyboy took control like he did. I know that I should be able to trust my boyfriend to treat me correctly, but after everything that’s happened to me, it’s difficult not to be afraid.

“I shouldn’t have done that, Johnny, please forgive me. I promise to control myself in the future.”

I nod and bury my face in his chest. Ponyboy wraps his arms around my body and lays his head on top of mine. I smile and eventually drift off.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

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