The Pogue Princess

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲𓇽

I woke up, feeling around the bed for his presence. I quickly realized I was alone, once again. Alone, exposed, scared, on a bed. Alone, exposed, scared, on a bed.

Breathe, I told myself. Pulling myself out of my own, intrusive thoughts. Memories of last night haunted my mind, and likely would forever. I craved JJ's comfort, not wanting to be left alone. Him holding me while I sleep, our fingers intertwined like they were just a month ago. No matter how much I longed his touch, I couldn't get the thought of Rafe out of my mind. His disgusting hands rubbing my body, his lips touching my skin, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth.

Breathe, Briella. I told myself once again, bringing myself out of the past and back to the present. I still was unsure if JJ knew about the Rafe incident, the only other loose end was Topper. Unless he had mentioned it to Sarah, there was no way of any of the Pogues knowing about it. Knowing Rafe wouldn't say a word, ai could guarantee that. I hoped it would remain that way. The thought of any of them trying to do something stupid to get payback at Rafe just caused me more stress.

I slowly tried to get out of bed, moving each muscle with caution. Each slight movement caused excruciating pain throughout my entire body. My inner thighs burned from the bite marks, my entire left side ached from my landing last night, even my head hurt, being extremely sensitive to light.

The second I attempted to apply pressure on my legs, they began to shake. My hand immediately gripped onto the wall, acting as an extra level of support. I could hear Diego laughing outside, relief flowing through my body. It had been too much in one week for that kid. He did not deserve to be dealing with so much at such a young age. He was still too innocent, the world seemed like a happy place to him with nothing bad. Papa had completely taken that away from him, showed him a part of the world he shouldn't have been introduced to yet.

I made my way to the door, slowly opening the door. My horrible attempt to make my way to the couch ended with me falling into its cushions. Disrupting the sweet moment between JJ and Gogo.

"Woah there Breezy, take it easy" JJ said, laughing at the scene he had just witnessed. He came to help me, giving me his hand to hold on to and my body just froze. A million thoughts running through my mind.

He stood there, looking confused at my reaction, eyebrows furrowed trying to understand my hesitation. "You alright Briella? It's just my hand," he reassured, cautiously.

"I— I know. I just really want to, umm, make it to the table on my own." I stuttered, the lie not being believed by JJ or Diego. Once again, I wanted to accept his help but I just couldn't. His hands on me, touching me. The thought was too much.

"Breezy, you sure? I'll just carry you there I don't mind," he suggested, a tone with more worry than anything. He came closer, going to pick me up. My body reacted in the complete opposite way my brain wanted to. My breath hitched and my body shook violently, taking the little strength I had to back away from him.

"I can't, I want to. I want to just hold you so bad, but his hands were on me and I just laid there, and then your hands will be on me the same way and," I panicked. The confusion in JJ faced was evident. He was assuming this had to do with my father and wouldn't understand the actual cause for the fear right now. "I... need to shower"

"Well, the bathroom is right there. Do you want my help to get there or are my hands too poisonous?" he asked sarcastically. The panic left my body, being replaced by guilt. The last thing I wanted him to think was that I didn't want him near me. I just couldn't get Rafe Cameron's touch off of my body.

"I'll hold onto you, just please don't touch me" I explained, forcing myself to do something my body was screaming at me not to do. I grabbed his shoulder, hands shaking. His shoulders, on top of me, forcing me down. I let go, tears falling from my eyes.

"Ellie, are you ok?" Diego asked, worry in his voice from watching my reaction of JJ's touch. "It's JJ Ellie, not Papa or Rafe. It's JJ" he reminded me.

"Yeah Gogo, you're right. It's JJ, JJ Maybank. Not Rafe, it's JJ" I repeated, forcing myself to continue. We made it to the bathroom and he turned on the shower for me. Leaving without saying a word, just a look of hurt on his face. My heart ached thinking of what I was causing him. He thought I was scared of him, yet I wasn't. It was Rafe who caused this. Rafe fucking Cameron.

I slowly peeled off my dress that I was forced to wear last night. Watching the beautiful blue flowered material fall to the floor. I was left looking in the mirror, at how disgusting I looked. My bitten neck, bruised torso, swollen hip and tear stained cheeks. I ran my hands down my body, over the bite marks, the places my father kicked me. Tears rolled off my cheeks.

It was too much, looking at myself like that. I cautiously stepped into the shower, letting the water wash away his touch. All the places his kissed, he touched, he infected. I washed it all away, erasing all traces of him.

{}

JJ POV

"She isn't ok JJ, is she?" The boy asked JJ, sadness overtaking his expressions.

"I don't think so lil human," he responded. "I'm going to go talk to Pope about it. You can watch some TV or something if you want." he suggeted before walking outside to join his friends.

He closed the door behind him, seeing both Pope and John B just sitting out near the hot tub. He walked over, hands in his pockets, head low. His friends could tell something was wrong before he even said a word.

"How is she?" John b asked, trying to read expression to get some information.

"Shes afraid of me, she won't let me touch her." JJ responded, his voice low with sorrow. "She had to remind herself that I wasn't Rafe. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you mean she had to remind herself?" Pope asked, more worried about her condition then JJ's feelings.

"I don't fucking now Pope" he responded, irritated already.

"Relax, J. Tell me what she said since she woke up" Pope calmly suggested.

"I went to give her my hand to hold onto then she started to shake and said that she wanted to touch me but his hands were on her and she just laid there or something." he explained in a mocking tone. "then she grabbed my shoulder and the started to shake and cry until Diego reminded her I was me and not fucking Rafe Cameron. She had to tell herself that 4 times before moving," he finished. He started pacing up and down, not understanding why he was being confused with a psychopath.

"JJ, Rafe must have done something to her too." Pope explained. "He must have done something that is causing her to have some sort of flash back whenever she is touched."

"What could he have done?" John B asked, trying to help the two figure out what's going on.

"Until we figure that out, we better give her space. It's not you she's scared of JJ, it's what Rafe must have done, she doesn't want to feel anything close to that."

JJ just stood there, not completely understanding what his friend was attempting to explain to him. "You're telling me that I can't be near her because she'll feel like something else is happening instead of me just helping her? What type of voodoo shit is that?".

"It's not voodoo JJ, it's PTSD. She just is reliving memories from what happened yesterday" Pope explained, annoyed with JJ's lack of knowledge when it came to trauma recovery.

"Ok, so I wont help her. Got it," JJ stated, annoyed with the position he was being put in. "Where is Sarah?"

"Oh she's out for breakfast with Payton and Topper I think. She said he had something really urgent to tell her. I'm pissed" JB replied, not wanting to talk about the whole situation.

JJ nodded his head, before returning inside the house. All he wanted to do was help Briella. Pope just told him he couldn't because it would give her flashbacks. Why was the thought of his hands on her causing her fear? It hurt him, seeing her that panicked when he was just offering help. Even last night, she asked him to stay. She wanted to get closer to JJ, but her eyes had this look of fear in them. It made no sense.

He had to figure out what happened last night, that was the key to solving this whole thing. That is how he can start helping Briella.