Butterfly Black

Self Harm

Something about bleeding feels right, the way it flows in and out of the body, like the warm deserts of the East Coast sands, and the spices that stain the city's air with their desirable tastes and smells that dare you too desire them and sin.

I can't even use a fucking phone, I am so sick of this I hate them so much for all the pain and torture they put me thru and for what? For running around and goofing off? For dancing and laughing? What the hell is wrong with this place?

How dare they treat someone who has problems like that? If I don't help I'm cutting myself.

I want them to let me go, and I want to not be here, sorry for everything else, I really am sorry...

I can't focus read and write I'm in so much pain right now. 

Focus is back can finally think straight, I'm watching the beauty and the beast it's my 3rd day in this hell hole...

Darn it, o well patience is a virtue after all, I'll be patient things happen for a reason after all.

I miss my mom,dad and family so much, I need them now more than ever...

The pills the self harm all feel so good and bad at the same time, I hope you can find it in your'e heart to forgive me, never meant for this to happen it just did, just now that I'll always be with you and love you no matter what happens.

Still in this fucking place with four fucking walls around me trapping me inside like a wild animal.

Someone please help me I can't do this by myself, I can't be alone anymore, feelings of not wanting to be here have never been so strong, someone anyone please just help me get through this.

I hate what this place makes me do to myself, I hurt myself in the shower a lot so I don't have any fucking privacy, I hate it here, I hate everything about this place, but most of all I hate myself for what Iv'e done to myself and what I still do, I cut myself with the sharp end of a tape not long ago, felt relief.

I need to get these meds, I don't think I can't continue to accept this body for much longer, I know I need help and I know I'm not well.

I wish I could have the love and self respect I used to have but I can't I just can't, why can't I?

Is it because I hate this body? Yes that must be it.
I want to take testosterone so badly, but I give this act that I'm a girl because I fear the world will never truly accept people like me.

I find it really sad that this is true, I wish I could just be at peace with myself.

I haven't loved myself for so long it hurts and overdosing was extremly painful, I'm grateful the world has given me a second chance at life.

Thank you world, yours Elio.