Your Warmth

The Dance of Life and Death

I didn't really have much to do today, so I decided to go and play piano a bit. This time no one else was home, they had some errands to run. I have a feeling that these aren't your normal errands but I wasn't going to question it. It feels a little unnerving being alone in this house. If anyone knows who lives here and has some ill intent, they could surely just come in and attack. Not that I mind dying, I just wouldn't want to trouble anyone else. Plus, Fyodor doesn't seem like he wants me to get hurt for his own reasons, and I promised my life to him. Only he can kill me or hurt me.

I can't help but wonder what they're doing right now. Maybe tracking something or someone down? Having a meeting? Murdering? I suppose it isn't really for me to know if they didn't tell me, but I'm tired of being in this house. It isn't like I haven't done that stuff before either, and they know it. Maybe they don't trust me yet, or maybe they're trying to protect me. I've assassinated plenty of people before. All of which were secret government missions. I never thought twice about the blood shed or the life I had just ended. If I did, I wouldn't have been effective at my job. This is another thing that led to my numbness. After a while, it just becomes routine. Every life you take dulls your respect and regard for human life. It just becomes another body. Even now when I think about the people I murdered and the face of fear I saw, I don't really feel much remorse. They were killed for a reason. They had done something to deserve it, or at least that's what I had been told. I was just following orders. I wasn't killing anyone who wasn't going to die. Some of them probably received a more gracious end than they would've otherwise, and I may have spared them much suffering.

I feel like two different versions of myself at the same time. One of them is the true me, the other is my ability that has slowly been merging with me. That's the part of me that is insane. Special abilities are like a parasite that slowly takes over your entire body without you realizing before it's too late. Someone's ability may not necessarily have a drawback like mine, but they are foolish if they think that they are in control of it. Special abilities are not of this world, they are a higher state of being. But, they aren't God, and God certainly didn't intend for their existence. Special abilities control a person. They're like an environmental role in your personality, they can affect you greatly. Most often they do. They become the most defining factor of your life.

"Oh, why'd you stop? I was quite enjoying that." I hear a voice coming from behind me. I soon realized it's Fyodor. I didn't hear him come into the room. I had just stopped playing piano.

"Ah, I've been playing for a while and my hands got tired."

"You must've been tensing them up too much then. Is there something on your mind?"

"Nothing in particular, I guess I was just thinking about things...." I reply. I rather not get into the logistics of my constant moral dilemma and risk having yet another panic attack in front of him.

"Come here." he commands. Yet he does so with a slight smile as he holds his hand out. I get up off the piano bench and walk over to him. He takes one hand in his, and the other he puts just under my arm on my back. "You wanted to learn how to waltz, no?"

I can't believe he remembered, or cared enough to actually teach me. "Yeah.." I place my free hand on his mid back. His hand is somewhat cold, yet his back is rather warm. He pulls me in a bit closer and gives a slight smile.

"Now then, put your feet together to start," we both place our feet together, "And then step forward with your left foot. Then place your right foot a little wider than shoulder width next to your left one."

It feels strange to be dancing with him. He sounds so calm. His voice is relaxed, and so is the rest of his body. It reminds me of when he plays the cello.