The Boyz Imagines (Yandere version)

One for me (Younghoon)

You know how you get that unwanted feeling from time to time? Like as if you were just a piece of junk and you did not deserve anything? How your stomach start churning and you feel like you wanna throw up?

That is what you were feeling right now. Everyone was out there, enjoying the time of their lives. It was the 1st of January so everyone was obviously happy, happy that now there would be a new start to their lives, maybe new year means new memories, new opportunities but it was different for you.

You were huddled up in your small corner of the room with thoughts flooding your mind, unwanted thoughts. The ones you always despise from the core of your heart because whenever they came back you would always seem to get insecure about yourself.

Hell you get insecure about everything, about the way you talk, the way your voice is, the way you look, the way you behave. It does not help the fact that you get this constant sinking feeling as if you're not enough. As if you're just a burden to everyone you love.

If you ask someone 'Am I a burden?' They will obviously say no and whisper sweet words to you, to comfort you but that won't do anything. It won't help the fact that you would still continue to feel that way.

Maybe some would say that you should interact with others more, maybe then you would feel this was less but that's not how it works. Despite being surrounded by people who love and cherish you, you're a human after all. That jealousy, where you envy others for having better relationships with people you want to get close to but never do because they're just so hard to approach, the envy you hold for others getting close with the people you have known longer but the new person just immediately got closer to them.

This feeling was like a devil in disguise for you, it would strike you at the most random time of the day and you cannot help but let yourself get sunk into it as if you were just a mere object.

"Y/N, are you in the room love?" You heard a voice call out your name from a distance which made you snap out from your train of thoughts.

Looking up you noticed Younghoon entering the room with a soft smile on his face, a cup of hot chocolate in his hands as he walked towards you "Why are you in here all alone love? We all are out in the backyard together." Younghoon says softly as he places the cup on the bedside table and gently enters in the warm sheets of the bed beside you.

Intertwining his hands with yours he started playing with your hair soothingly as he hummed to a song, his gentle warm voice filling the room but that did not help with the thoughts which continued running in your mind.

"I just don't feel like going out there.." you tell him, your voice coming out small as you place your head on his shoulder before you get comfortable against him.

Hearing your answer, Younghoon looks down at you, "And why is that love? What's bothering you?" Younghoon asks as he leans down and gives your forehead a kiss as he starts patting your head comfortingly which provides you a sense of comfort and warmth.

"I don't know..it just feels like I don't belong there, with you guys." You say as a tear rolls down your cheek making you sniffle. "Like even if I disappear none of them would notice and that just sucks because I know that I am not much of an important person." You say as you snuggle closer to Younghoon, hating the fact that he has to listen to your negative thoughts on such a special day.

"That's not true. You're very much important to all of us, love." Younghoon whispers in your ear as he continues patting your head with his hands softly as he listens to you speak.

"No you don't get it. I always get this unwanted feeling inside me suddenly and I hate it. I hate it so much. I start getting insecure about everything I do and I start feeling as if I am just a burden and I just close everyone out. I know that my true nature is just me messing around but when I get this feeling inside me, as if I am just disturbing others by my presence itself I even start questioning my behaviour. I start thinking that maybe I am crossing the boundaries by joking around too much, maybe I bully them too much with the way I behave even though I truly love them and it hurts me knowing that maybe I might have hurt them by something I said. I hate the feeling I get from time to time. It's frustrating and because of this I cannot even get myself to socialise more. I am afraid that if I approach a person first they will get annoyed, I am afraid to even text someone first because it just feels like I am disturbing them. I hate this feeling so much." You say as you let out a sob, "Maybe it's just better if I don't talk with them again because what if I hurt them? I am sorry." You whisper the last word as you bury your face in Younghoon's chest before you let out your sobs, not holding them in anymore.

Younghoon does not say anything as he just pats your back and gives you occasional forehead kisses. He knew that what you needed right now was just someone who would lend you an ear to listen to your worries and a shoulder to cry on and that's what he would do.

Younghoon could feel his stomach churning the more he heard your cries but he did not know what to do, because all he knows is that this feeling is something you always experience and all he can do about it is be by your side and assure you that you deserve everything.

Pulling you closer to his body, Younghoon drapes the blanket over you and wraps you in it comfortably, "I hope you know that you're really special to all of us. No matter what happens, there are few people out there who worry about you all the time and think about your well being." Younghoon whispers in your ear as he picks you up from the bed, "Now come on. Everyone is waiting for your appearance out there." Saying that Younghoon starts walking out of the room with you in his arms.

Maybe, now that you have people who are closer to you, you will finally get rid of these feelings? Maybe not, but at least you know that there is someone who is always there to comfort you.