to the moon and to saturn

ten

AGE: 16
WARNINGS: self harm
WORD COUNT: 559
A/N: this is definitely not about me 😂😂read at your own risk, it might be triggering if you struggle with self-harm.

❝ just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it ❞

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ʚɞ ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Y/N's POV:

3:56AM.
I haven't been able to fall asleep yet. I have been clean for 3 weeks, I planned on keeping it that way, but the urges are starting to get impossible to ignore.

"Just do it, just get the blade. You know it will make you feel better. Just. Do. It."
The thoughts won't leave my mind. Why do I hurt myself to silence the thoughts? Why is this the only way out?

4:03AM.
Do I throw 3 weeks of being clean away, just so I can feel something?

4:06AM.
I get up and get the blade I hid in a book. The song of Achilles, I read the title. It's my favourite book.

4:07AM
I drag the blade across my arm. And again. And again. And again.

4:08AM
I panic. I went too deep. It feels good, the thoughts have disappeared.

4:11AM
I stare at the blood dripping down my arm. I fucked up. It's almost summer, I fucked up so bad.

I need my mom, but I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want to put her through this again.

4:17AM
I walk to my mom's room.

"Mommy, wake up, I need you." I tell her quietly. She wakes up, confused.

TAYLOR'S POV:

I wake up and see Y/N standing next to my bed. It's been years since she's last woken me up.

I turn on the lamp on my bedside table, and my heart drops. Blood. Blood dripping down her arm. She's done it again.

"Oh my baby, come here." I say as I pull her close to me. She immediately breaks down sobbing. I hold her tightly.

"I'm so sorry Mama, I screwed up. I'm so sorry." She says in between sobs.

"Y/N, listen to me. Never apologise for struggling, ever. I love you so incredibly much and I'm so proud of you for coming to me. Come with Mommy, let's get you all cleaned up." I tell her as I take her hand and lead her to the bathroom.

I place her on the counter. I clean her cuts and bandage her up. My poor baby.

"Is someone in need of some Tayloving?" I say and pull her close to me.

—

A/N

sorry it's been so long, and sorry for the short and triggering chapter.

i've been in the psych ward for about 6 months now and i thought i'd have time to write but i've been so busy with therapy and people and everything else that i completely forgot to write.

this is written from my own experience but except with taylor as my mum, it was my favourite staff person who was there for me when i called her at night. i don't know what would've happened if she wouldn't have been there. i'm forever grateful

i get discharged in 3 days!! i cannot wait to go home and finally live again. i can't wait to get my freedom back.

thank you for all the reads i can't believe it!!

— is