to the moon and to saturn

nine

AGE: 13
WARNINGS: yeah death (sorry)
WORD COUNT: 666

❝ what am i supposed to do, if there's no you? ❞

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ʚɞ ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Two years ago we found out my mom has a brain tumor, I was 11. She's been really strong but she's getting weaker every day.

The worst part is obviously seeing my mom in pain, but also her not being able to perform anymore. It's killing her that she can't interact much with swifties anymore.

The past 3 weeks have been the worst. She's barely eating, drinking and sleeping. I can't lose her, I won't survive that.

—

"Mommy, I wrote you a song!" I say as I sit on the edge of her bed.

"You wrote a song for me? That's so sweet of you, mini me." The blonde replies smiling.

I get my guitar and the notebook I wrote the lyrics and the chords in, and sit in the chair next to my moms bed.

Mommy taught me how to play guitar when I was six. I'm still learning every day, but I'm improving. (Let's pretend Y/N wrote this thank you)

"The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair. In doctor's-office-lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared. That was the first time we were there
Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you
Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too"

I see my mom tearing up and I try to not cry myself. She knows how much she means to me, and that seeing her so sick hurts me.

"And I say to you,
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon
'Cause you have to."

I sing the rest of the song to her, and by the end we are both in tears. I didn't mean to make her sad, I love her so much.

"My sweet girl, I love you so incredibly much and if I could change all this, I would. Having you has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wouldn't trade you for the world, baby. I don't have that much time anymore because my cancer is spreading, and there's nothing more the doctors can do for me. I want to spend every last moment I have with you my angel, you are my favourite person ever, I love you." Taylor says as tears stream down her face.

She lays me on top of her chest and I hug her tightly. I don't want this moment to end, I don't want to lose her.

"I love you so much more Mom. But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?" I tell her as I cry my eyes out.

She hugs me even tighter and replies to me.
"I'm the wind when it blows, I'm the birds in the sky, the burning sun, the glowing moon and the shining stars. I will be with you wherever you go."

With that, I feel at peace.

"I love you to the moon and to Saturn. You're the best mom someone could only ever wish for. Goodnight mommy! Soon you'll get better." I tell her. I close my eyes and fall asleep, with my head resting on her head. She strokes my hair comforting.

Every time I say goodnight to her I'm scared it will be the last, but every time she woke up.

Except for this time.

Her wings were ready but my heart was not.

—

A/N

my apologies for the sad chapter, i was originally going to write something happy but i didn't know how? i am a sad person

sorry for the late update, i've been sick for over a week now but there will be more updates coming i guess?

thank you for almost 2k reads! it still feels unreal that anyone even wants to read this

i love you all!

— isra x