Crippled Inside

Chapter 3: Avant Garde Bullshit

It was 10:33 am when Sean was woken up by his mother shaking him gently.

"It's time to wake up Sean, you're coming to work with me."

"Can't I stay here and sleep instead?"

"No you're too young and you shouldn't spend your entire summer sleeping. Don't you want to come to work with me?"

Sean did not in fact want to come to work with Yoko because he knew what entailed going to work with his mother. His mother's work when it included him meant Sean sitting in the corner of the studio office while his mother quietly planned and occasionally filled the room with sound as she made calls. Sometimes she would come up to him asking his thoughts on the piece she was working on though that rarely happened anymore.

"Get up and get dressed."

Sean begrudgingly got out of bed dragging his body to his dresser, his mother left the room. He wanders into the kitchen looking tired and unenthused. Yoko quickly got Sean to the car before driving to the studio. Sean was placed at a table on the side of Yoko's office with a pencil and a few pieces of paper. Yoko mainly did this to 1) encourage her child to explore creative pursuits, and 2) keep him out of her hair while she worked. Sean drew but quickly got bored of this.

Sean opened his mouth and there was a sizable lump in his throat. His stomach was twisted but he decided to ask the question he should've pressed his mother for an answer the day she told him about the divorce.

"Mom, why did the divorce happen?"

She winced when he said it got her to look away from her desk and at Sean. Sean thought he would be happy to have his mother look at him after the silence but he was wrong.

"I would prefer not to talk about the divorce right now."

"Then when should we talk about it?"

Yoko says nothing and Sean asks another question.

"Is it my fault?"

"No, of course not. Sean, sometimes adults make decisions."

Both of them stared at each other for a moment before looking away and creating an uncomfortable silence. Sean started turning the paper he was drawing on into paper airplanes. He didn't throw them, not wanting to provoke a conversation between him and his mother which felt worse than sitting in silence making paper airplanes that won't be used for their intended purpose. The silence continued until 1 pm when Yoko looked up from her desk and spoke.

"Sean, what do you want for lunch?"

"I don't know."

"Well there's a sandwich shop down the street, do you want that?"

"Sure."

Yoko gives a faint smile before standing up and placing the papers she was working on to her left. She moves from behind her desk next to Sean.

"Are you ready to go?"

Sean nods.

__________

When they get home the silence follows them. Yoko makes dinner in silence, they eat in silence, they watch tv in silence, and eventually Yoko falls asleep in silence. Sean on the other hand was awake in silence and moved to the phone. He knew which floorboard would creak and avoided them as he made his way to the phone. He dialed his father's number and was met with an automated voicemail message. "Hey, Dad... can you please call me back?" was all he left in the voicemail.

Sean slowly walked back to bed being less careful of the floorboards but still walking gingerly enough to avoid waking up his mother. He closed the door tightly and put a blanket underneath. He pushed back the covers and lied underneath them before crying.