Random Thoughts

Something Heavy

For those of you reading you don't know me, may never know me, or even care about anything in this part. Here I am going to lay down something hard and heavy. I am going to get real and personal. I am going to bare my soul for you to see. Not to long ago I have been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and very often I plan to kills myself, often attempting to do so. Since I was a kid I had tried a total of seven times to kill myself, most of which my family doesn't know. I have since spoken to my mother about it and she doesn't believe me because nobody ever told her.

Well I told her. Does she want to see a video? Isn't this the part where she helps me and gets me help?
On top of this a while back I went through a very bad threat of divorce . I lived with her still, watched her fall in love with another guy. See her smile and laugh. Hear her talk about him. Drove me insane and tried again to kill myself. Loaded .22 rifle. Didn't take. She stopped me before I could pull the trigger. We ended up working things out and we stayed married. That was 5 years ago.
Then 6 months ago she decided to leave me for real. Divorce. Papers. Another man already. This time I got help.
I went to a shrink and they only gave me pills.
A month later I found a beautiful girl, one that took the pain away. She makes me laugh and I enjoy it. Enjoy life again. We are taking things slow and I am healing myself before I try to move forward. Really hope she decides to give me the chance to show her I am a good guy. She knows I like her, want her in the worst way, but we are staying friends till we both feel like it is mutual between us.