Random Thoughts

Chuck Norris

When I wonder about Chuck Norris I begin to also wonder if he laughs at his own jokes?

    Chuck Norris can photobomb his own selfie.
   
    Chuck Norris is immortal because Death fears him.
  
    When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

    Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

    There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
 
    Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

    If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

    Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

    Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

    Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

    Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
   
    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
  
    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
 
    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

    Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
   
    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 
    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris won a starring contest against medusa.

    The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.  The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris once threw a grenade, it killed 50 people. THEN it blew up.
 
    Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
 
    When Chuck Norris swings a sword, the air bleeds.

    Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  
    Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
   
    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
  
    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  
    Chuck Norris tells a GPS which way to go.

    They were going to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore but the rock wasn't hard enough.
  
    Chuck Norris once won a billion dollars.... On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
   
    Chuck Norris once starred in Wheel of Fortune. The last twenty nine minutes were spent in an awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.

    What did Graham Bell find when he invented telephone? Missed Calls from Chuck Norris
  
    If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
   
    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
 
    Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

The real funny thing is, I had no idea who Chuck Norris was until I played WOW in 2002 and everyone on the Badlands Chat was talking about Chuck Norris.