LOVE LESSONS - a sokeefe story

Chapter 9 I A Thing or Two About Gossip

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!!!! <3 

Trigger warning: Panic Attacks.

I shuddered with the realisation that Biana's actions were true. I had so desperately hoped they weren't...in fact I actually convinced myself I'd seen her mischievous glance toward Marella when she walked in. But no...no no no. I was standing there. Looking like a fool.

"Just stop!" I hastily exclaimed, mainly to my thoughts and partially to Biana. "I just...need to go. I just needed to hear the confirmation from the mouth." My tears were flooding my eyes and my chest was caving in and I felt panicked... like so pathetic. My chest heaved and I put my hand over my heart. My tears blocked my vision as I stumbled aimlessly through the hallways outside in the fresh air...where my head suddenly cleared and I could finally get a thought out or two before completely collapsing.

It was finally catching up to me...all that water...that had been following me around..my whole stupid life, like a big tsunami, it finally caught up to me, and now just like everyone else, was drowning in it. And then when Keefe came along, it finally felt like someone was making the effort to save me, but then he let go, and I'd always had Bia right there, trying to save me and now she's let go and I have no one...no one but myself. No one...I'm alone, and maybe that's how its supposed to be.

I could feel my hands shaking desperately needing help but not knowing how to get it. It felt like one my attacks started they would never stop. I took some deep breaths but it just got worse and soon my old family had infiltrated my mind and next it was their bodies in the cemetery and next their funerals and their gravestones and the pitying stares and the colour black....GOD I HATE THAT COLOUR.

The thoughts got more erratic and terrible. I shook with sadness and fear. And then the police station and then Amy...her face, she was too young. Too young. Too young. I tried to find an object to focus on in the expanse of the campus but my thoughts were too sporadic.

I bent down covering my ears trying to block out what I knew was a hallucination of a police siren and a crashing noise.

My knees planted on the ground, the gravel painful against my knees. But I didn't care, I couldn't care because I couldn't feel anything.

"You'll be okay Sophie." I repeated. "You'll be okay Sophie. This is not forever." Over and over I repeated those same sentences until my thoughts dulled to the point where my head stopped throbbing from the pain.

I loosed a heavy breath. I looked around for 3 things I could see, identified 3 sounds and then 3 body parts and soon my mind stabilised and I loosed a shaky breath...ten of them before completely being back to my present self. Although my hands still shook and I bit my lips so hard it was slightly bleeding.

I tilted my head up to the sky and breathed in and out, my body lowered to the floor, sitting crossed legged on the floor.

"God." I wiped any remaining tears. "Pull yourself together Sophie." I stood up slowly, but a wave of dizziness hit me, so I grabbed hold of the wall. "Come on Sophie you've got this." I encouraged.

Soon I was lightly strolling by myself without any problem when I spotted a girl with curly brown hair, wearing a green cropped top and baggy denim jeans. The girl looked at me and must have sensed my sadness because she walked over to me.

"Hey...are you okay?" She looked concerned.

"Oh. I'm fine. Just had a bit of a breakdown." I tried to brush it off.

"It happens to the best of us." She shrugs. "I'm Stina Heks. I'm studying Architecture. What about you?"

I loosened up a tiny bit. "I'm Sophie Foster. I'm doing some studying in the Science field."