Don't let them see.

first day 2/2

When we were done we were either able to go to our trailers or stay around and talk. I decided to go to my trailer and start reading my script. But I wasn't that lucky. As I was about to walk out, I was stoped by Ms. Johanson.
"Hey, we are all going to hang out in the lounge. Would you like to come with us?" She asked
I was never aloud to say no to adults so I just nodded my head.
"Great, come on. I'll show you the way."

When I was following Ms. Johanson to the lounge my thoughts were all over the place. Can I really trust her? Can I trust any of them? What if they get too close? What if they see who I really am? What if they don't like me and treat me like all the other adults in my life? I don't know if I can do this maybe I should just g-

"Hadlee, hun are you okay?" Ms. Johanson asked. When I looked up I realized we were stopped in a hallway. I didn't realize I was panicking.
"Hadlee, look at me. You have to breathe. It's ok." She said in a soft tone.
"I... c- can't... b-breathe." I choked out.
"Hey, hey, hey, look at me. Follow my breathing. In....out.... In... Out..." She had me follow her breathing until I calmed down. "Good job sweetie. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Th-thank you and n- no I can't talk about it." I said as I started panicking again.
She put her hand on my shoulder and I flinched. My breathing got heavy again.
"Oh, it's ok, I didn't mean to startle you. Do you need me to get you anything." She asked
I knew I was going to have another panic attack but I also knew it would be more of a PTSD attack because, I was already panicking when she touched my shoulder.
"The-the R-usso's." I choked out even worse than before.
"Anthony and Joe?" She asked confused.
I just nodded my head while crying. Ms. Johanson ran to get the Russo Brothers. What have I done she's going to see how fucked up I am?! This is only my first day. The only people who know what I am like are the directions. OMG I just fucked everything up! I'm so stupid!

"Hadlee... Hadlee!..kiddo I need you to hear me. I'm going to touch your shoulder. Okay?" Joe Russo said
He touched my shoulder to get my attention. I flinched and put my hands over my head I clenched my eyes shut. Joe quickly moved his hand. Ms. Johanson was standing there concerned and worried.
In my brain I was not on set. I was at "home" with Frank and Lynda. "no, no, no. Please don't. I didn't mean to." I cried.
The Russo Brothers knew what was happening. They knew they had to get my attention before it escalated.
"Hadlee! Kiddo, look at me. It's Anthony and Joe. It's okay you're safe. No one can hurt you here. You're not there anymore." Anthony said with his hands now on my shoulder. I finally lifted my head to look at him.
"I-I'm sorry." I cried.  Anthony pulled me into a hug. "You never have to be sorry for something like that. It's okay to break down. Just breathe Hadlee." He said.
We sat there for a bit and he let me cry. It was like all of the walls that I built were coming down and I didn't like it. Once I calmed down he pulled back to look at my face. "Why don't we go get some water and relax for a bit?" Anthony said. I nodded my head and he helped me up. When I looked up I could see all the cast members around me with worried faces. I froze. "Everything is fine here. Please either go to your trailers or go back to work." Joe Russo said. Everyone hesitantly left the hall but Joe stopped Ms. Johanson. "Scarlett, could you come with us if you want? I can see she is already starting to trust you, and that's big for her." He quietly said to her.
"Yes, of course!" She said. Worried about the girl.

Anthony helped me to the lounge and we sat down on the couch. "Hadlee, kiddo, do you know what triggered that? And was the memory from where I think it was from?" He asked me. I already trusted the Russo Brothers and I wasn't really worried about Ms. Johanson being in the room either. Something was different about her.
"I don't know, I was already panicking and overthinking about going into the lounge with all of the adults. And I got scared. I had a panic attack and Ms. Johanson calmed me down. Then I don't know.... All of the sudden I wasn't at set anymore. I was at "home" with Frank and Lynda. So-so no, it was a different memory." I rambled out and looked at the floor.
Ms. Johanson kneeled down in front of me and lifted my chin so I would look at her. I didn't flinch because for some reason I felt safe.
"Hadlee, did it trigger you when I touched your shoulder after the panic attack?" She asked
I closed my eyes and nodded my head.
"Oh hunny, I am so sorry. I didn't know. But please remember that I will never hurt you." She said in a soft voice.
"Thank you ma'am." I replied quietly. She chuckled a bit and said. "Hadlee, please call me Scarlett. Ma'am makes me feel old." I smiled and nodded my head.

"Hadlee why don't you take the rest of the day off. The work day is basically over anyway. Okay?" Anthony said.
"Are you sure?! And are you sure you want me to come back to work? I mean I definitely just fucked everything up. The whole cast is going to know I am just some broken teen with trauma. I reall-" my rambling was cut off by Joe.

"Hadlee.... Of course we want you to come back. And you didn't 'fucked everything up' and you are NOT just some 'broken teen'. Hadlee, you went through things that no one could even imagine. What you went through makes Hydra and The Red Room look like nothing." He took a deep breath before he continued. "You have every right to break down. What happened to you should have NEVER happened. But you need to know now that, you are not alone anymore. I know that scares you more than anything but believe me when I say absolutely none of the adults here will ever hurt you. Okay?" Joe said as he gave me a hug.
"Yeah and if they ever try to hurt you I'll go all Black Widow on them." Scarlett said. I laughed a little and said "thank you guys."

"So, what do you say I drive you to your house?" Anthony said. I really liked how he said house and not home. I knew if I argued with him I would lose so I agreed. I said bye to Scarlett & Joe and we went to Anthony's car. On the way back to my foster home. I was really anxious about what my "parents" had in store for me when I got home.
We pulled up to the house and Anthony said "If you need any of us... Call us. Here is Scarlett's number if you want to call her." He said. "Ok, I will thank you. I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked unsure. "Yes, kiddo we will see you tomorrow." He said with a smile.
I smiled back and got out and started walking inside.

When I got inside I realized Frank and Lynda were not there. I'm not worried about it. They are probably out drinking or partying at a friend's house. I thought to myself. I decided to go upstairs to my room and get ready for bed. It is only 8:30 pm but I am exhausted. So I take a shower, brush my hair, do my skincare and go to bed. After 10 min I fell into a deep sleep.

-AN-
hey guys, this was a little longer. I really hope you enjoyed it.
If y'all have any ideas let me know. I also thought about doing one shorts with the cast but idk.
Anyways, I love you all❤️