𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓼 & 𝓬𝓲𝓰𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓼 • 𝓭.𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓷 | ✓ |

10. 𝓻𝓮𝓹𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

          |10|
"nothing's new. nothing's new. nothing's new"
        ||NOTHING'S NEW; RIO ROMEO||
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
and that's exactly what i did.

dally and i were back to normal for the next week after that night. we had our occasional quarrels, but overall, we just ignored each other.

when he and i were alone though, things were different. he'd sweet talk me and make me feel like i was loved. however, no matter how much he wanted, i wouldn't let us have sex again.

being in a secret relationship with him was killing me. i just wanted to tell everyone. i wasn't afraid of everyone knowing because i truly cared about him. if he really cared about me, he wouldn't care what everyone else said.

johnny had just broken up another argument and now i stormed back to the spare bedroom. the one where dally and i had previously had sex.

i sat down on that same bed and buried my face in my hands, letting my thoughts take control.

what's wrong with me?

does he even actually care about me?

am i just another body to him?

i was beginning to experience that familiar excruciating pain in my chest. it had been weeks now since the church, but this stupid chest feeling wouldn't go away.

my thoughts were interrupted by johnny cade entering the room and sitting down next to me.

"what is wrong with you two? i've told you im sick and tired of having to break up your arguments! how do you think i feel..." his words trailed off at the sight of how distraught i was.

"h-hey, bella, im sorry. i didn't mean all that, im just stressed out." he apologized.

i brought my head up from my hands and revealed my teary eyes and unpleasant expression.

"oh johnny," i said as the tears began to flow down my cheeks, "you don't know the full story."

"what's wrong? what happened?" he questioned sounding very concerned.

"i-i can't say" i said to him, staring down at my laces, "it's a secret."

dally's already in a bad mood from our argument, there's no telling what he'd do if i told johnny "our little secret."

johnny let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his face with his hand.

"if it ever gets too much for you to handle, i'm here for you to tell me that secret. i ain't gonna force ya to tell me, but just know, i'm here if ya need me." he said to me in a calm, sympathetic tone.

i immediately wrapped my arms around him and fell into him. i buried my face in the crook of his neck and sobbed. he placed his chin on the top of my head as he rubbed my back and whispered sympathetic phrases to calm me down.

after a while, i sat myself back up and looked him in the eyes. my tears were all dried up and i was feeling a lot better.

"thank you johnny. thank you for understanding. i couldn't have asked for a better best friend."

he looked at me and grinned.

"i'm always here for you bella, and don't you forget it. could you try one thing for me?" he asked me.

"sure, what is it?"

"could you and dally at least try to get along? at least give it a shot, for me?" he sincerely asked.

i knew it killed him when dally and i fought. we were selfish to think our arguments only affected us.

"of course johnny. for you." i replied, forming a faint smile.

"thanks bella." he said, forming a smile as well.

we stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"pony and i were planning to go watch a movie tomorrow. you should come, and maybe even invite dal too. not for you, but for me. y'know he's my buddy too."

i thought for a second before responding.

"sure johnny, i'd love to. i can ask dal later if you want."

"okay, great!" he exclaimed, smiling from ear-to-ear.

i giggled at the sight of him so happy. i then had an idea pop into my brain.

"hey johnny? do you mind sending dally in here right now?" i asked him, knowing he would say yes.

he nodded, got up off the bed, and made his way into the living room where dally was.

after a few minutes, dally walked into the room with an unpleased facial expression.

"god, what do you want? and what'd you tell johnny?" he asked, harshly.

"i didn't tell johnny anything and i just wanna talk about...us." i said, patting on the bed next to me so he'd sit down.

he complied with my motion and sat down. he sighed heavily before turning to look at me.

"so, what do you want?"

"why do you sweet talk me when no one else is around, but then be a total jerk to me when the gang's here?" i asked, trying to sound calm.

"because i want to keep us a secret. i already said that bella." he replied without making eye contact at me. he was definitely still pissed from our previous argument.

"i know, but you don't have to be a dick all the time. we can be extra when we're alone i guess, but i just wish you were kinder."

"if you don't like the way i do things, then that's your fault. i'm not changin' nothin' for no one. you can either get over it, or get on somewhere." he said, picking at his finger nails nervously. i felt like he regretted what he said, but he wouldn't admit it.

"dal, i really care about you. i wouldn't care if we were public. hell, i'd like it better that way. i just want to feel like i'm more than just a body to you." i said while trying to hold back my tears. my chest was still hurting and the pain was only being added on to from dallas being so stubborn.

"you know what? since when was this all about you? we will not be public because i'm not risking my reputation for some silly feelings. you ain't just a body to me, but my reputation means more to me."

my heart snapped when these words left his lips.

his reputation really means more to him than me?

am i really worth anything to him?

is he lying when he says i'm not just another body.

"please leave." i whispered, on the brim of breaking down. i didn't want him to see me cry. i didn't want to see him period.

"whatever." he said, stomping to the door and slamming it after he left.

i immediately wiped my tears before they could fully fall. i can't keep crying. i've gotta be tough. i may be a girl, but i'm still a greaser.

i laid flat on the bed, trying to fathom what just happened.

"i'm not risking my reputation for some silly feelings." repeated over and over in my head and ripped me apart each time.

is the pain really worth it?

to be treated like shit in public, but a queen in private.

i let out a heavy sigh and told myself i'd head back in the living room momentarily. i just had to prepare my fake face and act like everything was okay.