Waves Of Despair (MuiTan - TanMui)

Chapter Eight - I Need Help

Muichiro's pov

Once I got home I was immediately greeted with Yuichiro. I quickly went to the kitchen to prepare him something to eat but before I could, I heard him say “woaaah, what's this? It looks good!”

I looked behind me to see him taking out the small plastic box with the food Tanjiro gave me. “Oh.. Tanjiro gave it to me.. you can have it” the words came out so suddenly, I didn't even think about what I wad saying but I couldn't change my answer now.

“Yayy!!” Yuichiro said excitedly before placing the food on a plate and then putting that in a microwave. I felt horrible, I promised something and didn't accomplish it once again..

I just went to my room and laid down on my bed, sighing and taking my phone out of my bag, seeing a couple messages from Tanjiro.

“Make sure to tell me if you liked the food! I looked up some recipes that might be okay with you so I could make those for you and bring them to school!”

“It's okay if you don't want me to, I just want to make sure that you don't go all day without any food”

Those messages made me smile yet feel guilty for just giving all the food to Yuichiro. I sighed and placed my phone away.

I felt a wave of loneliness wash over me. It was so nice when I was with Tanjiro.. I finally had someone to talk to but now.. I just felt like crying.

I tried to hold it back but without a warning, the tears slid down my cheeks. I was a loner yea.. I liked being alone but.. it hurted too..

I turned around to face the wall and hugged myself, sobbing softly so no one hears me. It felt like the loneliness was getting worse with each passing day and it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

I placed my hand on my hair, caressing it soothingly while having my eyes closed, imagining like it's someone else comforting me which didn't work like it usually does.

I began to sob harder, my sobs wracked my body as I struggled to catch my breath.

I was always a bit of a loner, never had many friends but as years passed.. it just got worse and worse and I didn't know how to fix it. I keep losing people.. people I love let go of me so easily while I struggle to get over it for months..

I hated it.. hated getting so attached.. believing people won't leave but eventually get proven wrong.

I wanted to just.. cut everyone off, get over it and never befriend anyone ever again, just be alone and.. just shut myself out from everyone.. but at the same time I was crying over how lonely I was.

My eyes felt heavy and my mind was blank, the sobs silent down a little too. I just pulled my blanket up to my chin and closed my eyes, wanting to escape all those horrible feelings that haunt me every day.

…

“Hi Muichiro!” Tanjiro called out when I got to class. I couldn't help but feel guilty for what I did yesterday, that I just gave the food I got from him to Yuichiro. “Hi there..” I mumbled and sat down next to him, not daring to make eye contact, knowing that I would most likely say it if I looked at him.

“How was the food? You didn't respond yesterday so I am asking now”

He chuckled slightly. That was the question I was afraid of, I didn't want to lie more than I already did about a bunch of stuff but at the same time I knew that he would be so disappointed.