DISCE, OHSHC.

⁺ ♡ by some twist of fate

Embarrassingly, Keiji found you as you were standing outside, calling your chauffeur to pick you up. As he appeared in your periphery, you genuinely considered hopping into one of the random cars that were pulling up alongside the pavement, or maybe feigning a phone call and walking in the opposite direction. But Keiji reached you before you could decide on either of these things, and the small, uncertain smile he gave you stopped all trains of thought.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," you said.

He looked good. It was easier to admit that now that he was standing right in front of you. His eyes. His jaw. His stupidly perfect hair that Renge had astutely pointed out. You suddenly felt ridiculous in your flowy shirt and loose trousers.

"We didn't get a chance to talk earlier. I guess I was too nervous about my speech to remember that you would be here. Stupid of me."

"There are a lot of people here tonight," you said. "More than we usually have. They must have come for you." The words were faintly surprising to you. Slightly teasing, slightly mocking. Like how the two of you had used to talk.

"Yeah, I doubt that." Keiji shook his head and laughed quietly. You were staring at him. You had to stop.

"Is it okay if we talk? I know we left things kind of ... in the air."

You had been dreading those words. Can we talk? After Malta, all you had wanted to do was talk but now that Keiji was here and you were hearing his voice and seeing the slight quirk in his lips—

"Okay," you said over your pounding heart. "Yeah, we can talk."

You needed to take control so you led Keiji to somewhere quiet—still outside, though, in case you needed to make an escape. You sat on the steps of one of the side entrances and after a beat, Keiji joined you. A good few inches away, but it still felt too close.

"So," you both said at the same time, and then stopped. Keiji smiled. You tried not to.

"What happened to you?" you blurted. You couldn't handle these false starts and bashful smiles anymore. "You said we would keep in touch. We had each other's numbers. Were you really that busy?" For weeks on end? Not even a text? I had to assume we broke up. Do you know how hard that was? I kept giving myself false hope. Is that what you wanted?

Keiji frowned. He glanced at you, and then off into the distance. "I don't really know how to tell you this."

"Just tell me. I think it's the least you owe me. We spend all that time together and then nothing. Did you enjoy leading me on? Is that it? Did you expect to win me back tonight?"

"No, that's not it at all," Keiji said. The force behind his words caught you off guard. He sighed. "I was scared, okay? I didn't know how I felt about you, but I could tell that you really liked me. Maybe more than I was ready for. I didn't know how to react. So I didn't say anything when you left to give myself time to think. And then when I figured it out, so much time had passed by already and it seemed easier to just leave things be. I didn't know how to bring it up without making things awkward. It was a stupid thing to do, but it was the only thing I was comfortable with. I know I should have said something. However you feel about it, it's completely warranted. It's probably unfair of me to assume that we can just go back to being friends but I'm sorry. I should have realized however uncomfortable I felt, how you felt would have been worse. I really am sorry. I'm stupid. I know that."

You hadn't looked at Keiji the entire time he'd spoken. This wasn't like his speeches. It was rushed, long-winded, confusing. But his heart was still there. Keiji never said what he didn't mean.