This lust is a burden (that we both share)

Eddie

Eddie's not ready to admit it, but he's pissed. He wakes up in the morning, he's pissed. He goes to work, he's pissed. He holds the door to a stranger, orders coffee, does the groceries, and he's pissed.
When his tia starts setting him up with random women, he's pissed.
When everyone chimes in and makes jokes about his inequity in the dating world, he's pissed.
And when Buck tells him that some woman, a death doula on top of that, knows him more than anyone else, Eddie is pissed .
But it's not like he's fuming with anger. It's not like he snaps at people or fights strangers in illegal underground fights. In the words of a dear friend of his, that's Eddie 1.0.
No, instead, he splashes some cold water on his face, applies himself at work, politely smiles when he holds the door, tips the barista and looks for Chris's favourite cereals even if they're full of sugar and not on sale. He stays polite and thanks his tia for trying to help him ( even if it's unwanted and truly none of her business) and he even cracks a joke or two with his friends when they tease him about his dating life.

And when Buck talks nonsense about how Natalia sees him and understands him better than anybody, Eddie doesn't go off on a five-minute rant and he doesn't raise his voice. He stays calm, he stays gentle and he tries to advise Buck to the best he can.
But still, Eddie is pissed.

And it's not like he doesn't have reasons to be.  With everything that happened to him, from his childhood to barely escaping teenage pregnancy, getting married to Shannon, going to the army and reenlisting (because somehow, back then, war scared him less than being a husband), Eddie thought he was entitled to be pissed. Hell, he was entitled to be angry.
He had the right to mourn the life he could've had. He was allowed to be angry that his son would always face extra challenges and that Eddie wouldn't always be there to protect him. He was allowed to be pissed at  Shannon for leaving and for not wanting him when she came back. He had the right to be mad that Christopher had to lose his mom over and over again.

Eddie was due to feel some anger.
He even thought he owed it to himself. To be angry for the 10-year-old version of himself, who had to take care of everyone and hold back his tears when his dad would scream at him. To be angry for never truly having a choice in how and when he'd be a parent, when and with whom he'd get married. To be angry that he gave everything to pull four people out of that helicopter, only for them to die.
To be angry that when he finally felt like he belonged somewhere, his entire family tried to diminish it and trick him into coming back to Texas. It didn't matter to them that Chris loved LA and it didn't matter to them that for once in his life, Eddie wanted to be somewhere. Eddie thought he owed it to himself to be angry because clearly, nobody else would be.
It didn't matter to them that he wasn't running away or that he wasn't closing himself up. On the contrary, he had bought a house and made friends, building an entire life for himself and Chris. He spent his free time surrounded by people who cared for him, loved him and took care of him, and Eddie was angry at his parents for not seeing it.

He was angry that he got shot, and that his nights were plagued by nightmares for weeks. He was angry that Chris was getting older and suddenly didn't need him as much. He was angry that he was not angry that his son was growing up because he was so beautiful and Eddie couldn't stop from beaming with pride. That's my son. I did that.

He was pissed at himself for all the lost time he spent not being a firefighter. He was pissed for not asking for help sooner, for not being honest, for holding grudges. He was pissed at himself for not being truthful with Bobby, Carla, with Frank and especially with Buck.

He was angry for not being what Ana wanted and needed him to be. Because she was perfect. Because she would've made an amazing girlfriend and a loving step-mom to Chris and because they could've had a perfect life together.
She didn't run away when she learned about Chris's CP and the challenges it brings. She didn't bat an eye when Eddie's shift lasted more than 24 hours. No, she gladly stayed with Chris for practically three days and she probably would not have gone home if Eddie hadn't broken up with her. Ana Flores would've been the perfect match for Eddie and the fact that she wasn't angered him. He hated himself for not telling her sooner and for wasting her time. For getting Chris attached and for relying on her even when he knew it wouldn't last.