In Power We Trust - Haymitch Abernathy

Chapter Nine - Breathe

Amelie

I wanted to die. I knew this for certain now. Not in the way my Father once wanted to. I didn't crave death by any means. In a way I respected it. I respected the ending it provided. I know that sounds bad, but I saw Rummage. Everyone did. How tortured he was. How he could never escape his fate of being reminded. Year after year he is reminded. Reminded of the people he killed. Reminded of his girl that he loved. His girl that he killed. I don't know if my story would be much different than his if I lived. I don't think I'm as strong as him. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I wasn't going down without a fight though. If I'm dying either way, I might as well die with honor. Might as well die in a way no one has to be ashamed of. I don't know if I'd ever go out of my way to kill anyone though. Marcus might tempt me, but I'm sure if I ever see him, he'll see me. He'll take the first punch or stab or whatever.

God I hope Haymitch doesn't kill himself for me. I hope he doesn't die for me. Then I'll have to live. I could never let him die then just die anyway. God I hope he doesn't die.

As expected, the night was inevitably sleepless. I had apparently been in my own head for hours, because I heard a knock at my door.

"Morning Amelie." Briar whispered.
She looked different. Her hair was down and her makeup was less extravagant. In the dim lighting of my room, at that moment, she looked normal. Like someone I would pass on the way to the school house back at twelve. Not like someone who lived in the Capitol. She set down a hanger with a cover over it. "Your outfit for the games."
I sat up in bed, nodding at her as she made her way out the door.

I turned to the clock:

6:30 am

The games started in less than 2 hours. It was getting real to me now. My heart pounded. My last outfit ever. Maybe my last morning ever. I had to stop thinking. I had to. If I turned my brain on at all, I'd spiral.

So, I sat through breakfast like a zombie. I didn't differ much from anyone else. Everyone just ate in silence. Apart from Bernard, who made an occasional comment about the food or how quiet it was, to which he was met with stares. Rummage on the other hand didn't even show up for breakfast. His seat at the head of the table sat empty. I wondered to myself if he would even come to say goodbye. If he would even watch. I looked over to Maysilee, her face showed how scared she was. Like an abandoned puppy. I thought about saying something. Something to console her or ease her worry, but there was no use. She should be worried, she has every reason to be scared. I was scared too. I hoped I didn't wear it on my face as much.

Bernard cleared his throat after a while and stood up, "You have 30 minutes to change and prepare yourselves." His voice was serious, somber, "We'll take you to the arena at approximately 7:35 and the games will commence no later than 8 o'clock. It's been an honor to serve you all." His voice quivered at the last sentence. I think in some weird way he cared about us, felt for us.

As I unzipped the cover of my outfit I saw green cargo pants, a common item worn by tributes due to their functionality, a black dri-fit long sleeve, and a black jacket. Combat boots sat on the floor. Putting it on felt weird. Like I was playing dress up or something.
When it came time for my hair I debated between a couple styles but I ultimately settled on a singular bubble braided ponytail. This was my favorite style to do back home. Maybe Ma would see it and know I'm thinking about her. Maybe she'll know I don't hate her.