Everything To Lose

Chapter Fifteen

'Natalia? Sweetheart can you hear me?' Rough hands gently tap my face dragging me from the black emptiness. How did I end up down here.

'She is probably faking it for attention.' Why is Lucinda here. Oh no, it was real. It can't be real.

'Natalia enough messing around and get up of the floor for crying out loud.' My Mother snaps and I push my body to move but it doesn't get very far before I am falling again only this time strong arms cushion my fall.

'He lied to me Adam.' I whimper. With all the shouting going on around us I would be surprised if he hears my pained whisper. 

'I know Sweetheart. I know. Do you want me to make them leave?' He looks down at me and the sympathy in his eyes is my undoing. He lied to me. I am being lifted into the air as I cling onto Adam like he's my only life line. I don't care where he takes me as long as I far away from here. I can't be here .

'Where do you think your taking her? We have things to be doing.' My Mother snaps at him but I don't look up, I just cling on tighter silently begging him not to let me go. 

'She needs some rest. She isn't doing to good at the minute if you hadn't noticed.' He sneers but thank the Lord doesn't stop or put me down.

'You can't just take her, she is my sister and I need her right now. Natalia tell him to put you down and go away.'  Silence, I just embrace my own silence.

'It's all about you isn't it Lucy. It's always about what you want, what you fucking need. Well hate to break it to you princess but this time you don't get to come first. This time you can sort your own shit because Natalia is coming with me. So fucking suck it up and shut it up.' His body is hot from the rage radiating off him. Nobody has ever stood up to her before, well not for me anyway. I can't believe he did that for me.

'Just who do you think your talking to?' Oh no. He is here. Why is he here? Adams grip tightens on me and I feel his body begin to shake, or it could be mine I have no way of knowing I am holding him that tight.

'The jumped up pampered fucking princess there. Why got something you wana say have ya?' Oh shit this is not good. Adam grew up on the streets, he never had anyone to rely on so when he starts to get angry things start to get dangerous. Well not for him at least, he has been fighting his whole life, only this time it isn't so he can survive. It's so I can. In this moment I have more love and respect for the man cradling me in his arms like a wounded child than my own family. This is family.

'What the fuck is your problem!' I lift my head off Adams shoulder and take in the scene before me. My Mother is a funny shade of red - I wonder if this is due to embarrassment or anger - whilst Lucinda is tucked into Dominic's chest like she needs protection and the man himself looks like he is about to blow. His eyes connect with mine and I look away, I don't want to see what they hold. He has the most beautiful and the most expressive eyes I have ever seen and right now I can't bare them.

'You really wana discuss that now then lets fucking have at it....' I tense and I notice Dominic does too. He would be wise to back down and let us leave, he doesn't know Adam, but I do. He may look like the blonde boy next door, wouldn't say boo to a ghost but looks are most certainly deceiving in his case. One thing I do know is unlike some people he doesn't make threats he has no intention following through.

'No that's what I thought.' He mocks as he carries on walking us across the car park an away from them. The smallest, weakest part of me wants Dominic to try and stop us. To ask if I am okay but he doesn't.

'Oh and congrats on the sprog, with parents like you I am sure it will be a little darling.' I cannot believe he said that and from the look on all of their faces neither can they. 

'What did you say that for?' I gasp when he places me into the passenger seat of his baby - to everyone else it is a grey Mustang Cobra - and closes the door. He walks round the other side and without so much of a glance at my family he climbs in and we speed off.

'He needed to know you knew. Although I can't imagine that he believed Lucinda wouldn't try to rub your nose in it. Whether she knew about the two of you or not.' He finally speaks after what seems like forever. This is what Adam does, he goes silent to give himself to calm, I think its a therapy thing.

'Call Kat tell her to either come stay at mine or go somewhere else, I don't want either of you there right now.' He doesn't take his eyes off the road as he dictates our lives.

'They won't hurt us Ads.' I scoff. I mean honestly other than more than a few emotional scars they can't really hurt us. 'Plus I left Tiny there.' I feel guilty that I completely forgot about my baby. Who does that?

'I already phoned Sean he is going to pick him up an take him with him, you know I can't have pets in my apartment. It's only for one night to let things blow over.' My phone starts going crazy in Adams pocket and I reach for it only for him to move it out of reach.

'Adam give me the phone.' I complain, I mean honestly I am a grown up. Yeah because you really acted like one just the little voice in my head chimes. Great now I hear voices.

'Hello.' I say when he finally gives up my phone, he isn't my Dad and he needs to back off a little.

'Natalia! Don't hang up please... Nat?'

'I'm here.' I don't say any more the emotions are clogging my throat.

'I can explain... just please meet me somewhere, anywhere and I will explain everything.'  God I have missed his voice so much. The deep husk that rasps through my whole body igniting my blood. 

'Did you sleep with her?' I cut to the chase needing to end this call but not without knowing the truth for once. Maybe he didn't lie.

'Nat....' He mutters my name not answering the question but telling me everything I need to know.

'Was it before or after me?' Don't torture yourself! Why are you doing this? My heart is beating out of my chest whilst I wait for his answer. There is no right answer to this question, none are less painful to hear. But the masochist in me needs to know.

'Please don't make me answer that Nat, we can meet somewhere and I can explain. We can talk things through. I swear I can explain.' Ha the famous 'I can explain' it has got to be up there with the good old 'It's not what it looks like' and the classic 'It's not you, it's me'.

'Did you fuck my sister before or after me.' I scream down the phone, the pain of him dragging this out is to much. Just rip the band aid off and stop fucking peeling at it slowly.

'Nat.' This time its Adam who says my name as he rest his hand on my knee in silent support. I need him to move it but don't react. I can't take his support or sympathy right now, it will break me.

'After....' His voice sounds so fragile and small, kind of how I feel. I cut the call without speaking as the sobs rack my body because once again I wasn't enough. I have never been enough. I continue to sob - I couldn't stop them if I wanted to - until I feel myself drifting off in the comfy leather of Adams car. Thank God I at least have him.