lover/fighter - Finnick Odair

Chapter 43 - My crying hero

Rhea is genuinely startled when the doorbell rings. It is already late evening, and she was just about to flee back to her bedroom after a long shower when the noise surprises her.

She stops and stares into the dark hallway leading to the front door for a while in a state of astonishment. Conflicting feelings fight against each other in her head. She hasn't spoken to anyone since her argument with Oliver. On the one hand, there was always the small hope that he would come back, and they could sort things out, but at the same time she somehow didn't feel up to facing anyone.

The longer she sat at home alone, the lonelier she felt. It was awful, but somehow, she convinced herself that it was better this way. So she spent her days torn between the desire for someone to come and get her out of here and the fear of having to realize that she had completely lost all of her painstakingly built-up social skills and that she was now as helpless as before.

It's a scary thought, but the second ring flips a switch in her mind. Right then and there, she can choose one of the two sides by opening the door or hiding.

She literally hurries to the door and pulls it open. But it's not Oliver on the other side, nor Linus, nor Elaine, who she has already sent away twice with poor excuses.

Finnick stands on her doorstep, his hair disheveled and his clothes wrinkled, and lifts his uncertain gaze from the floor towards her, as if he's not sure if he's in the right place. He is about to say something but doesn't get the chance.

He doesn't know what exactly he was expecting. The way she reacted to him last time, he was bracing himself for the worst. It wasn't a conscious decision to come here after he escaped from Ambrose's apartment, and yet his path has led him straight to her.

He thought she wouldn't even open the door, but then she did. Beneath the surprise on her face, he thought he saw something like desperation and relief and before he could even get a word out, she threw her arms around his neck so forcefully that he stumbled two steps backwards.

For days, he has feared that she might actually be afraid of him and speculated about the possible reason. But now there is no trace of reserve, instead she is practically clinging to him. He doesn't mind, but the way she is behaving is an obvious sign that she is just as out of sorts as he is.

Meanwhile, Rhea can't bring herself to think about what she should and shouldn't be doing right now. It's as if she hasn't been around anyone for years and now, she can't help but cling to the only living being she can find.

Maybe it would have been the same if someone else had been at the door, or maybe not. In truth, she had wanted to talk to someone all along, to have someone around her, but she was afraid that they wouldn't understand her. The same fear that she has been carrying around with her for so long, that has slowed her down and kept her away from others for years, has stopped her from asking for what she needs, she just didn't dare.

And then he came to her all by himself and that was enough to make her realize how much she needed him around. No, it wouldn't have been the same if it had been anyone else. Because Finnick is unlike anyone she's ever known and right now he's the only person she's not afraid of being misunderstood by, even though she's never really talked to him about it. But it feels like she could, if the conditions were just a little different then she could and maybe it would be okay.

That's the only thing she can think about right now, which is why even her completely over-sensitive subconscious can't bring itself to plant any stupid ideas in her head that might drive her away from him like last time. For a long time, she thought she would be better at being alone, but it turns out that this was either never really true, or she has forgotten how to do it over time. She's not really good at letting others get close to her either, but she'd like to be, and that makes all the difference.