Atlas Malfoy and how history repeats itself

Part 10

I spill the contents of the bag onto my floor and gasp. Notebooks upon notebooks, drawings, poems, clothes, jewellery. Everything I could ever want to figure out who a person was. Homework assignments from the years 1972 to 1979. I flick through the first notebook, reading and reading.
My name is Regulus Black. I am a Slytherin and I am destined for greatness.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.

I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.
I am an asset to Death Eaters.

Amazing. Guess, everyone in my entire family just has to be a death eater. Honestly, nobody has any proper morals. I flick to the next page.
I miss Sirius. Mother refuses to talk about him and I daren't try reach out. I hope he is happy. I wish I was happy. I don't think joining the death eaters was a good idea. Bella tries convincing me to go further, do more, but I can't. Cissa wants me to calm down and take a step back. Keep my head down for the time being. Mother is proud of me. I just want mother to be proud of me. This is getting ridiculous. I am in too deep.

There are about ten pages blacked out with big splotches of black ink. I wonder what he wrote about, and how he felt after blocking it out. He didn't want to be a death eater. The rest of the pages are full of constellation drawings, and sketches of planets and birds. His initials are scratched into the back page. I pick up the big black sketchbook to my left and flick through the pages. I can only assume Bella is aunt Bellatrix, and Cissa is mum. There is a drawing of two men or boys holding hands. I wonder who. Suddenly, I hear my name yelled, "ATLAS DARLING! ESSEN IST FERTIG!"

I race downstairs to see ministry workers at the table. Why they are here instead of celebrating with their family, I will never know. I sit next to mother and load my plate with food as the adults talk. Draco is talking to a boy our age, and mother turns to me.
"I trust you like your little additional things?" Mum asks, looking round and nodding at something someone said. I say, "Yeah, other than the fact that he thinks he made a mistake."
"Who made a mistake?" A man opposite me asks, intrigued. Mum turns to him and says, "Oh, I got her some books! She just loves reading so much."
"Ah, I see," He says, "And what do you think of Albus Dumbledore?"
"Well," I say, struggling at being put on the spot, "He has been very helpful in controlling the school."
"The ministry heard about the troll. Apparently you came face to face with it?"
I nod and say, "Very barely. It was dealt with very quickly."
He turns away, and after the meal, I race back to my room. I mainly just read for the next week and a half. Thank god Hermione is on the train back.

We get our own compartment and Hermione says, "How did your holiday go?"
"Average. However," I say, lowering my voice, "I found out who my watch was from. R.A.B is Regulus Arcturus Black. My mum's cousin. He was a death eater, but I think he regrets it all. I've bought all of his stuff. Just notebooks and sketchbooks full to the brim of poems and drawings. There's also some clothes and jewellery, but honestly, some of it doesn't make sense. Poems about sadness and grief, but mum hasn't ever mentioned losing someone."
Hermione leans back for a second and says, "You don't think maybe the grief isn't someone dying, but someone being alive and unavailable. I mean, you've told me how it's quite a common thing for the House Of Black to be full of people acting more like roommates than family."
I gasp and say, "And he writes about death eater's a lot. Maybe the poems are also about grieving his younger self, or his self before joining."
The train chugs along and I say, "Enough about my family. How was your break?"
Hermione's eye immediately light up and she says, "Brilliant! Really, brilliant! I got books, and also a radio! I don't know whether it'll work at Hogwarts, but mum and dad say it tunes into wizarding radio stations. Christmas dinner was so busy, but I was quick and got enough food. Did it take your family long to cook the meal?"
"We..." I struggle for words, "We don't cook our own food. We have house elves."
"What are house elves?" I can hear the disgust in Hermione's voice as I reply, "They're little things that work for you. Elves that live in your house. My father is so cruel to them, but I always say thanks. They are set free when they get an item of clothing. Most of ours just wear old pillow cases."
Hermione's jaw drops and she says, "And everyone is okay with that? Why don't you free them?"
I wrinkle my nose and say, "And risk being absolutely killed by my father? No thank you. If you see the way my father acts in public towards me, I do not want to know how he acts in private when I FREE HIS HOUSE ELVES? Puh-lease, I'd rather die old and frail in a nice little cottage than a young girl at the hands of her father. Or aunt Bella... I bet Father would break her out to kill me."

Hermione looks aghast and I say, "But it's fine."
"Malfoy's are weird. And anyway, break her out of where?"
"Oh, you know what... I probably should have kept my mouth shut there. It really hardly matters, Mines. It's not an-"
"Break her out of where, Atti?"
"Azkaban."