ミ★billie eilish oneshots ミ★

𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 & 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 | 𝐚+𝐟

Trigger Warnings: eating disorder

If you feel like this, please talk to someone or get professional help. It's always good to talk to someone! You are worth it 🤍 I know that it isn't always easy to talk to someone about your problems, but it helps so much, I promise!!!

The chapter starts with a bit of angst in the beginning, if you aren't comfortable with reading this type of stuff, then please don't read it.

There is going to be much comfort and fluff in the end ✨

Y/N Pov:

I woke up, shaking, because I had a nightmare of people calling me fat again. I mean, it's true that I am really fat, but it just hurt more when people actually say it out loud.

Billie was on tour, she is usually the only reason why I still eat during the day. Not three meals like you should, but Billie was always proud of me.

I love her so much, she's the only reason why I am still trying. But now that she is not here, I feel so lost. So fat and disgusted. But not by these comments people I used to call my friends, but disgusted and disappointed with myself.

Why can't I be skinny and pretty like everyone else? I sighed, staring at my reflection in the mirror. But my vision soon got blurry, good, I wouldn't want to see my ugly body.

My thighs that were touching, because of how fat they were, and my belly, which was the reason why I could never ever wear crop tops like the other girls.

Why does Billie even love me? There are so many other girls out there, that are way skinnier and prettier than me. I got into my, our, bed again, sobbing and being to tired to do anything.

I hugged the pillow, my thoughts wandering to Billie again. She was so beautiful, and so...skinny. God, now I am starting to compare myself even to my girlfriend. She should be the person to make me feel better.

She does, but what if that goes further? What if I can't stop comparing myself to her? I wiped my tears and looked at the water bottle, that was standing on my nightstand.

At least I drank water every day. 2,5 liter to be exact. But only to prevent myself from getting even more hungry. I pulled out my phone, my hands being cold as usual, I couldn't call Billie because she was asleep, due to different time zones.

She said I could always call her, if there is something that bothers me or if I am not feeling good. But I just couldn't press the call button to her contact. She needed that rest, being on tour must be so exhausting for her.

If someone asks me what I would want right now, I would say Billie. I just need her so much. She is like the air I breath everyday. But now that she is not there right now? I totally feel like I am completely falling apart.

I want to be like the other girls so bad. Their figure, face and thighs that are skinny and not always touching when you walk.

And with these wishes, I fell asleep again.

~a few hours later~

I woke up by a sound of the bedroom door slamming. I instantly looked who it could be. And was met with Billies beautiful smile and her pretty ocean blue eyes.