IT STARTED WITH A WHISPER, Elizabeth Olsen

Break

After a few weeks, things with Lizzie were totally back to normal. I had decided to take her on a date, to spend some time together since she'd been pretty busy with work lately. They were about to finish shooting the movie, so she spent countless hours a day working. I loved that she was so dedicated, but I missed her. I missed waking up next to her in the morning, and falling asleep in her arms at night.

She had a day off since they were shooting scenes in which she wouldn't be, so I offered to take her to a nice restaurant for lunch. I had made a reservation in a restaurant near the sea, which looked very similar to the restaurant she took me to the day we met. I hadn't told her where we I was taking her, so as I drove us, I could see her in the corner of my eye looking through the window, trying to guess where we were going. When I parked near the beach, a smile grew on her face. We made our way to the restaurant, and when we reached it, she froze.

"It looks just like..." she paused, not taking her eyes away from the small restaurant.

"I know, I thought you would like it" I took her hand, not so sure about my brilliant idea anymore. The restaurant where we had our first date closed a while ago, it wasn't doing so well. So when I found this one, I figured it would be perfect.

"I do, it's perfect" she smiled, gently squeezing my hand. I couldn't tell why, but her smile seemed a bit forced, making my stomach ache at the idea that maybe I had done something wrong.

I had purposely chosen a table away from the rest, as I knew Lizzie didn't like the idea of our relationship being public. Luckily, the table we were seated at was right by the window, offering us an amazing view. As we ordered our drinks, I could see that something wasn't right. The usually shimmering green eyes avoided my gaze, hiding behind the menu.

"Lizzie, are you sure it's alright? If there isn't anything you like on the menu we can always go somewhere else" I smiled softly, hoping the issue was as simple as that.

"No, it's not the menu, darling. It's- It's nothing important really" she shrugged. I went to put my hand on hers, but she pulled it back, giving me a stern look. "Please, Y/n, not in public" she mumbled.

"Right" I sighed, going back to reading the menu. The waitress brought us our drinks and took our order. The rest of the lunch went fairly well, she talked about how the movie was nearly done, then we discussed my upcoming graduation. I had submitted my final dissertation, three whole years of research, a few days prior, and was waiting for the results.

After that, I took her to the aquarium. It's something we used to love doing on Saturday's afternoon when we were younger. Since I knew she's been stressing out a lot lately, I figured she would like it. But again, it seemed as if I had done something wrong. I chose to ignore it, not willing to argue again like we did a few weeks before. The astonishing beauty of the colourful fish slowly wiped the tension away, as we moved from one tank to the other. I wanted to hold her hand, to stand closer to her, but I couldn't. 

It took us around 3 hours to finish the tour, and I still had something else planned. Went we got out, I saw Lizzie's shoulders relax. She let out a long breath, one she'd probably been holding since we got to the restaurant. It confused me even more. I knew she didn't want us to be seen in public, but I didn't know it was that bad.

"I was thinking we could walk on the beach, the weather hasn't been that nice in a while" I suggested, watching as her shoulders tensed again.

"Actually, I still have a few lines I need to go over before tomorrow, do you think you could drive me home?" she asked, the same forced smile then before spread on her lips. I surrendered to the fact that this whole date was a disaster, and she didn't like it at all. The drive back to her place was silent, but not the usual comfortable silence. I knew she noticed, because she started playing with the hem of her shirt, avoiding my gaze as I parked near her place.

"Are going to tell me what the hell is wrong, or do I have to guess?" I asked dryly, tears threatening to come out as I realised we were going to argue about whatever the issue was.

"Nothing I just-" she stopped herself, watching as my sad expression turned to strong disappointment. "When we got to the restaurant, and it looked so much like the one I first took you on a date, I got scared" she admitted, leaving me unable to speak for a second.

"What were you scared about?" I asked, barely audibly as I felt my throat tighten.

"It's stupid, Y/n... I just- I got scared because I thought you were going to propose" she nervously chuckled. My eyes widened as the words hit me, why would she be scared about that. Watching as I didn't move, nor say anything, Lizzie turned to face me, worry spreading on her face.

"You weren't going to propose, were you?" her intense gaze studying my face in order to catch even the slightest reaction.

"Of course not, Lizzie. It's way too soon. You're not even ready to accept what we are yet" I sighed, bringing my hands closer to my face, pressing my palms against my eyes to stay focused.

"That is not true I-"

"I'm not doing this, Lizzie. You can say whatever you want, but it's been months. Months during which I never pushed you to come out. I know you're still not ready for some reason, but I'm really starting to feel like your dirty little secret and it's driving me crazy. Of course I wasn't going to propose, especially not in public, I'm not that stupid" I tried to remain calm, even though this whole situation was becoming really hard to handle for me.

"Maybe we need a break" I spoke, still avoiding to look at her. "Until you're ready to be you without caring about what people might think" I added, knowing that her constant fear of failure and rejection was probably one of the reasons why she wasn't ready to come out.

"Is that really what you want?" she asked, voice breaking as the words slipped through her lips. I regretted everything I had just said as my gaze met her teary emerald eyes.

At what cost? Caity's voice echoed in my head.

"No, of course not. But it's what I need" I tried to steady my voice, and hold back the tears forming in my eyes.

"Alright then" she forced a smile, tears rolling down her face, and leaned in to place a soft kiss on my cheek. After she left the car, and disappeared behind her door, I let the tears come out, blurring my vision. I waited until I calmed down to drive home, not willing to provoke, nor be involved, in another accident.

A/N: I know that by now, you're all probably getting sick of the angst and drama... But it's what I like writing the best. I can assure you that it's not going to stay that way, things will get better again, so don't worry (and now you're wondering if you should trust me or not 👀). I hope you're all doing great, good luck to those of you who are going back to school after Christmas break, or have exams coming up. I just finished mines and I couldn't be happier, I surprisingly feel like it went well! Take care 💕