IT STARTED WITH A WHISPER, Elizabeth Olsen

Communication

The once soft fabric felt rough and cold under my fingers, leaving a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I was pulled out of my thoughts by a firm knock on my front door. I placed the shirt back where I took it, and made my way downstairs. I was quite surprised when I opened the door, not expecting this visitor.

"Lizzie, hello" I greeted her, sounding a bit colder than intended.

"Y/n, can we talk?" she asked, a soft yet sad expression on her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, making it obvious that she'd been crying.

"I don't- yes" I sighed, allowing her to come in.

"I've thought about the other night, a lot" she admitted as we sat on the couch, opposite from each other, leaving a large distance between us. "It wasn't fair of me to react that way"

"No, it wasn't" I confirmed, still sounding more upset than I'd like.

"I have this constant fear of never being good enough, like- Am I a good actress? A good enough daughter? Sibling? Lover? And it's driving me crazy. That's why all this, fame or call it what you'd like, matters to me. Because I know I matter to some people, all those teenagers who keep telling me how my character saved them, I crave this. This validation, it's all I've ever wanted. And I know how fucked up it is, but I can't help it" she explained, stopping to catch her breath, eyes not leaving the floor. She cleared her throat, ready to continue. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I projected my fear of failure onto you, and it wasn't fair. I know you're not like me, and you don't care about that sort of stuff. I just don't want you to jeopardise what you have" she sighed, finally looking up to meet my eyes.

"I hear what you're saying, but still, I'm not jeopardising anything. I'm going to get my PhD soon, if writing doesn't work out the way I want, I'll have a safety blanket. Nothing could stop me from going back to psychology if I want to. But I want to give it a shot, I need to, because if I don't I know for a fact I'll regret it. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror in fifty years, and be proud of what I've done. I don't want to have regrets, Lizzie" I spoke calmly, the hint of coldness in my voice long gone.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I swear" tears started to form in her eyes as she turned away from me, hiding her face between her palms. I got closer to her, our knees brushing against each other's.

"Lizzie, I'm not mad at you, I was just disappointed, but I know you meant no harm" I reassured her, gently pulling her hands away from her face. "Arguments like that will most likely happen again, there's nothing we can do about it. This right there, communication, it's essential if we want to make it work. If we want us to work. I love you, Lizzie, even when we disagree, even when I'm disappointed, you're the love of my life" I smiled softly, cupping her face with my hands, wiping away the few tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"I love you, Y/n, always" she smiled, closing the gap between our faces. Her words from before still echoed in my head, making my heart slightly ache at the fact that I would never possibly be good enough for her. She didn't stay at my place that night, I told her I still needed a little bit of time, to let the ache fade. She didn't look happy about it, but she understood. A little after she left, Brie and Caity showed up. I knew Caity was supposed to pick up a few things she'd left at the apartment, but Brie's visit was a total surprise. The two blondes gave me looks I didn't quite understand as they walked in, and sat on the couch. I felt like an 11 years old who just had a terrible grade and was about to argue with their parents.

"Are you okay?" I asked, hesitantly sitting on the chair opposed to them.

"Are you?" Brie asked back, a bit drier than usual.

"I mean- I- yes. What is this about?" I was confused, looking at one, then the other, waiting for an answer.

"You forgave her? Just like that?" Brie titled her head a little, giving me a stern look.

"I want it to work Brie, of course I-"

"At what cost, Y/n? At what cost do you want it to work?" Caity questioned, her tone and expression matching Brie's.

"Do you remember what happened the last time you forgave her for everything? She played you. You know how I remember? Because you were miserable, and it took you years to learn how to build a relationship, a healthy one" Brie reminded me of the first time Lizzie and I dated, the memory was painful. I didn't want to admit it, but she was right. When Lizzie and I were younger, I used to let everything slip, always finding a good reason to justify her behaviour. I was the one who got played in the end.

"Look, we're not saying you shouldn't try to make it work, I'm sure Lizzie can be lovely, but be careful. You're not 16 anymore, you don't have to accept everything to make it work" Caity added, using a softer tone. Her voice was filled with care. Although I met Caity a little while after my chaotic breakup with Lizzie, I was still pretty affected by it. Caity was definitely not Lizzie's biggest fan, but she was smart enough to not let that obscure her judgement.

"I know you two are just trying to protect me, but I swear she's changed. She's also not 16 anymore. Sure she made a mistake, but it happens. I'm being careful enough, 16 years old me would have let her stay tonight, I didn't" I spoke. We kept on talking about it for a little while, they were both worried that I would let Lizzie hurt me just so she wouldn't leave me again. I was ready to accept a lot, because I wanted her in my life, I wanted it to work, no matter how much it costed me. I wanted to fight for her, because I wasn't ready to accept the slight possibility that maybe it would end up the same way it did a few years ago.