alive / chenford

confessions

Lucy's POV

I look through the peephole and I see Tim, I'm not ready to see anyone right now so I try to ignore it. "LUCY, OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE! I NEED TO KNO IF YOU'RE OKAY." I open the door, my eyes are swollen and my cheeks are stained red from all the crying. "Lucy, are you okay? Grey called me, I'm so sorry".

I don't say anything and walk into my room leaving Tim in my doorway, he quickly closes the door and follows behind me. I open my closet and look for clean clothes. "i'm just going to shower, gonna follow me in there too?" he swallows hard and doesn't say anything. I know I shouldn't be so mean but I'm just so mad at Chris and what he did to me. The fact he filmed me, makes me livid, if anyone sees that my reputation is going to be ruined.

"I'm going to go sit in the living room, yell if you need anything" Tim walks out of my room and I can tell he wanted to say something else but he just kept walking.
After my shower I felt much better, i hadn't showered since I git home because I couldn't undress myself without panicking.
As I walk into the living room I apologise to Tim "I'm sorry for how I reacted, I was just mad at this whole situation and I took it out in you". He looks at me, his face is full of concern. "Oh Lucy you really don't have to apologise, you can react how you want to. Who wouldn't be mad at this situation?" I'm relieved he isn't mad at me. "Don't you need to go home to Ashley, I can assume she misses you." Tim looks away "uh yeah about that, I broke up with her, it just wasn't working and she was mad that wi was with you. I mean you just went through hell and she blames me for staying with you".

Did he just say he broke up with Ashley, I almost started smiling but I could see he was kind of struggling with the break up. I sit down next to him on the couch and grab his hand "Tim, I'm so sorry, this is my fault. You shouldn't have stayed with me". "Lucy this isn't your fault at all, if she can't understand I would stay with my bestfriend if anything happened than I don't want her in my life" did he really just call me his bestfriend, I don't even know how to react.

"Can I share something vulnerable with you?" He puts his hand above mine and responds "yeah, ofcourse".
"Tim, you are the most important person in my life. I'm so glad that I had you at my bedside when I was in the hospital. I would have never survived this if it wasn't for you, i don't even know how to thank you." My eyes are filling up and the tears start to roll down my cheeks. He grabs my face and wipes away my tears with his thumb. "Lucy, I was so scared I was going to lose you when I came into your appartment, I saw you laying there and you looked so pale, I mean there was blood everywhere. I have ,ever been so scared than when you were in that barrel or when you were laying there on your bed. I love you, Lucy chen. And I'm not going to hold back my feelings anymore."

I look at him and my body fills with warmth at the confession. "I love you too, Tim" and suddenly I feel his lips on mine. It's a sweet and tender kiss. He pulls away and Rab his shirt pulling him back onto my lips, the kiss is more passionate than the first on. He picks me up and I put my legs around his waist. He throws me on the bed and starts undressing me, my body freezes and I start to panick, I instantly get taken back to that night. Tim notices and stops "Lucy, what is going on" he looks scared. "I can't do this right now, it's too soon. "I'm so sorry Lucy, I didn't realise, I didn't want to take advantage of you. Oh my god what did I do." I can hear the panick in his voice. "It's alright, it' not like I didn't want to, it's just, my- my body freezes and I start to panick. This isn't on you. Come to bed, we can cuddle?" He nods and climbs into bed with me.
I try to cuddle but I can see heis scared to touch me "it's okay Tim, you can hug me" he pulls me closer and I put my head on his chest. It's felt so safe and I slept better than ever.

Tim's POV

I can't believe I was so stupid, she was just raped and I tried to have sex with her. I didn't think it through, the kiss was just so good and all of a sudden I saw her panicking, i can't believe I put her through that. I look down at her legs and I can still see some bruising between her thighs. She went through so much and I didn't even think twice, i love her so much I guess I just got carried away.

I need to tell her even though she is sleeping "I'm so sorry Lucy, I wasn't thinking. I still feel so much guilt, i put you through this twice. When you were in the hospital I couldn't even leave your side, everyone came to visit and told me I should go home and shower but I didn't want to leav you alone. I wasn't here to protect you and I never wanted that to happen again. That's why I slept here too, when I want home the second night I was so glad I broke up with Ashley, i could just come back here and stay with you. Have loved you for so long, I was with Ashley to ignore my feelings for you. You don't know how happy I am, having you here in my arms."

- This is kind of a short on I'm sorry-