"To say you have no choice is to relieve yourself of responsibility." —Patrick Ness, Monsters of Men
I was so young, barely five when I was abandoned by my own mother to live with my grandmother shortly after father had died in an accident.
At first I didn't know it, but my mother was driving me to my grandmothers house, which was nearly seven hours away from ours, to give me away. "Where are we going mommy?" The four year old me had asked. My mother turned to look at me before quickly turning her gaze back to the road. My mother was beautiful back then, with black hair and blue eyes. I had the same hair color as her, black, but I inherited my green eyes from my father, Paul. "You'll see soon sweetie."
"Anne, Michael?" My mother had called out. We arrived at our destination which was a three-story house. It was late at night and I didn't know at that time why my mother was bothering the people who were living in there.
The lights in the house flickered open and soon enough the door opened to a middle aged couple who looked a lot like daddy's parents. The woman was dressed in a pink night gown, her blonde slightly graying hair tied up while the man was dressed in a t-shirt and some shorts he also had blonde slightly gray hair too. "Laura? Laura, is that you, dear?" The slightly gray haired woman standing by the doorway to the house asked.
My mother grabbed my arm forcefully and brought me closer to the middle aged couple standing in the doorway of the house. "I need to talk to you both."
The elderly woman gestured for us to get inside the house. Once inside mommy asked if she could have a private conversation with the elderly couple. The elderly woman patted my head and offered me a smile. Then they went over to the kitchen and spoke in quiet, hushed tones while I sat on the couch and waited for mommy patiently. After sitting there for what seemed like hours when suddenly mommy started yelling loudly.
"I told you, I got accepted to my dream job over in Europe, so I am leaving Jared to you so tha—"
"How can you leave your own son? The only person you have left after Paul had died? How could you?!?" Anne yelled. Michael put his hands over his wife's shoulders to get her to calm down a little.
"I have no choice! I am too young to take care of him and work! If Paul was still here maybe I would have reconsidered but I'm only 22, Anne I still have so much I want to do with my life. " Laura proclaimed, gesturing wildly.
"So your just going to abandon your son?!?" Anne asked, incredulous.
"I'm not going to abandon him I'm just going to leave him with you for a while, at least until I have enough money to take care of him."
"Laura, please don't leave him he needs his mother. We will help you take care of him, we'll even lend you some money." Anne begged her. If she had to get on her hands and knees to get Laura to stay with Jared, she would. She was sure that if Laura left Jared, at his age, that things wouldn't end well.
"No. I've made my decision. I'll come visit him from time to time so it will be fine." Laura said sternly. It's not that she didn't love her son, it's just that she felt that she was too young when she had him. At that time Darren said that everything would be fine, that they would be one big, happy, family but then he died and had left all the responsibilities to her. A 22 year old who has barely lived her life, a 22 year old who has hopes and dreams too.
"Have you talked to Jared about this?" Anne couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
Laura looked towards the living room couch where little Jared was at. He was looking straight at her with big, doe-like eyes. "No."
Anne sucked in a deep breath and tried to wipe away her tears. "You will regret this, Laura. I have no doubt that you will regret this."
"I told you, I've made my decision." Laura stormed out of the kitchen, walked to the couch Jared was sitting one and crouched down to kiss Jared gently on the forehead and said to him, "Be good to your grandparents, Jared."
"Where are you going mommy?" I asked her.
"I'm going to another continent to work, to earn money." Laura explained to him.
"Can I come with you?" I asked hopefully.
"No, sweetie, your staying here with grandma and grandpa."
As if on cue Anne and Michael stepped into the room and watched the scene unfold.
"But why?" I asked sadly.
"Because mommy will be very busy and if mommy is busy with work then she won't be able to take care of you, so now grandma and grandpa will take care of you for a while."
"When will you come back?" I suddenly felt like crying because mommy was going to leave me with my grandparents.
"I don't know, Jared."
Before I could speak a word mommy stood up and walked to the door. "I'll visit you soon, Jared."
"Mommy wait, no! Don't leave me!" I said, I got off the couch and ran to her flinging my arms around her legs and held on tight.
Laura sighed. "Jared, please, I have a flight to catch."
"No,no,no,no,no..." I kept repeating.
"Jared!" Laura yelled trying to yank him off her. She still had to drive to the airport and her flight was leaving in 2 hours and 30 minutes.
Anne finally having enough, intervened. "Stop it, Laura! You're hurting him!"
Laura sighed in exasperation, finally getting Jared off her. She took him into her arms and gave her to Anne's open arms. "I'm leaving. I'll try to visit soon." She kissed me my forehead and left.
I stared at the door.
The door that my mother had just passed through, to abandon me and to leave me with my grandparents.
I had changed that day.
That day my mother left me was the day that I became a different person.
And I will never be the same again.
My name is Jared Blaze Anderson, and this is my story.
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