Words Heard Across the Street from Avondale Park

Act 1: 35205

Why I Need to Leave the South

     I am so upset that after all these years the fantasy just had to come crashing down like this. As a child, I really thought I'd just come to a point where I'd outgrow this; but the fact of the matter is, I'm still deeply affected by these hurts and pains from years ago, and it's so annoying. Honestly, I shouldn't still care, but I do care and I'm disappointed that I care. Quick, fast, and in-a-hurry, I absolutely must get out of the south. There's nothing left for me here; quite frankly, there was never really that much to begin with. Alabama is always going to be a home to me, but I am no longer attached to this fantasy. The south does not belong to me, and I don't not belong to it. I am, but merely, the consequences of my own given circumstances. The south has never intended to make space for me, but I am the result of my father's prayers. I am beyond grateful for the lessons I have learned here, but the sacrifice has been way greater than the reward, and in the silence of this pandemic I recognize now that these are simply growing pains. To free myself of this situation I have to be willing to let go. I cannot find peace in a place where my ancestors were slaves. I deserve to enjoy the life I choose to live, and I cannot do that here. I am scared of the person I am becoming, because I am afraid I might not recognize him, but they will be freer than they ever been before. I am fully capable of being a better person, and I am committed to becoming that person by any means necessary; even if that means unlearning everything that I've come to know.

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Cocoon

At home,

Barefoot on a wraparound porch

Bleak underneath the streak of old yellow street lamps.

I was born with the original sin,

Poor, black and ugly.

Born and raised in Ensley,

My neighborhood was filled with gang bangers, chicken joints, and churches.

Chasing the smog of self-hate, I threw away one too many prayers trying to save face.

I woke up this morning ready for the change I had been waiting for.

Clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth, I had to resist the urge to scream.

I have carried these words full term, and they need to be heard.

The truth of the matter is I'm exactly who you'd thought I'd be, a little more and a little less.

Gayer than the sunshine skipping off the dewy sidewalks of a pleasant grove,

Good God, look at me...

finally stretching my wings.