𝔖𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔟𝔲𝔯𝔫

𝔗𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢

I hestitated knocking on Felix's room door, unable to bring myself to do it for a reason I still couldn't figure out. Eventually, I did it without thinking.

"Come in!" I heard from the inside.

Still, I hesitated, but opened the door anyway out of eagerness.

I watched Felix turn towards me and smile.

"Hi, Felix." I spoke softly, fiddling with my fingers.

Felix was the only thing that made me nervous. The idea of him. The look of him. The way he acted towards me.

"Madelyn."

His strong arms wrapped around my waist to hold my body close to his, slightly picking me up off of my feet. I laughed as he burrowed his head in my neck. I ran my hand through his hair, missing the feeling of it wrapped around my fingers.

"It feels like it's been years. I don't think we've ever spent that long apart." I heard him say, putting me back down. He pulled away just for me to get trapped in the eyes I care about so much.

"I know. It's just, you know with school and everything. If you had a break, I had to stay. If I had one, you'd be at Oxford."

"Right. Right." He agreed as I spoke. It was the truth. It's not that we wanted to be so far apart, that's just the way it worked out.

"How is that, by the way? Oxford, I mean." I wondered. I knew how he was at secondary school. The guys wish they were him, the girls wanted him to be in them. I could only imagine what college was like.

"It's alright. I mean, as cheesy as it sounds, it's hard not having you there."

He patted me on the shoulder and laughed like we were related. I didn't know how to feel, but smiled anyway.

"How's Saint Mary's?" He wondered.

"It's okay. I mean, me and Jonathan..we broke up." I mentioned.

I was popular at school, but only because of my relation to the Cattans. Jonathan was popular because he was the stereotypical attractive college boy you only saw in movies. I knew we wouldn't last. But it was fun while it did. Just not for me.

It was a good distraction from just thinking of Felix all the time. Sometimes I wonder if that's all  it was.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Felix tried his best to console me.

"I knew it wouldn't last."

I started walking over to the window of the room, the view being the front of the estate.

"How come?" He wondered. I glanced over, watching him stare at me.

He looked like he was admiring me.

I simply shrugged, trying my best to ignore the fact that he was getting closer.

"Different backgrounds. Just..different people." I said.

He looked me up and down.

"You and I come from different backgrounds."

Why was he comparing my romantic relationship to ours?

"But that's different."

"How?" Felix rebutted back quick.

I didn't know what to say. By now, he was leaning on the other side of the window frame, standing right next to me. My hands were by my back and all I could do was stare at his beautiful chest and avoid eye contact.

It took me a while to respond.

"Becuase it's us." Was all I could think of.

I hated how he made me feel like I was stupid, because that's how I felt under his stare. Luckily, a car pulling up to the estate was a distraction for us that pulled us from our conversation.

Out from the taxi, which quickly drove away, was a boy. Alone with his bag, he opened the gate and wheeled the suitcase he had awakwardly down the driveway.

"He's early."

"Is that your guest?" I asked, curious. To my surprise, Felix touched my side.

"His names Oliver. I think you'll like him."

Oliver didn't look like someone Felix would typically hang out with. He didn't seem confident with the way he slouched and looked put off from Saltburn's exterior.

He looked a lot like me the first time I came here.

Breaking me from my thoughts was a kiss on my cheek by the softest lips I've known. I glanced over at Felix as he smiled at me.

"I'm going to show him around. Where will I find you?" He furrowed his eyebrows. I shrugged, starting to make my way to leave the room, him right on my heels.

"Around...somewhere." I smiled as I stared up at him, Felix's eyes not daring to leave my own.

Except when they did, only to give me another kiss on the forehead. I've been back for thirty minutes, and he's been more affectionate than ever.

I had to walk away before I fell from being so weak in the knees.