For The Rats (One-Shots)

Where Do We Go From Here?

It was the kind of spring that made you feel like the world was on the cusp of something, like all the greenery and blooming flowers were just a precursor to some grand revelation. The air was crisp, the sky a vivid blue that made your heart ache with hope. Even the birds, with their incessant chirping, seemed to be whispering secrets to one another. And yet, here I was, standing on the edge of the park, feeling more lost than ever.

I missed him so much it physically hurt. It had been six months since he'd passed away, but some days it felt like it had only been yesterday. Danny had been my best friend since we were kids, the one person who truly understood me. He was the one who always made me laugh, who had my back when things got tough. And, I had to admit, he was also the one who I'd had a crush on for as long as I could remember. But I never told him. Not while he was alive, and certainly not now.

I knew that he'd wanted to get sober. He'd told me himself, over and over again, that he wanted to be the best version of himself for me, for us. And even though a part of me had wanted to be selfish and keep him the way he was, I understood his decision. I was proud of him for trying to get better, for wanting to change.

I wondered where I was supposed to go from here. Usually the devil would speak to me, but there were no voices to linger in the cool air right now. I felt lost, adrift in a sea of memories and what-ifs. I didn't want to forget him, but I didn't want to be defined by his death either. I wanted to find some sort of balance, some new normal.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing thoughts. I could still feel his hand on mine, the warmth and comfort it used to bring me. Even now, when I knew it was just a memory, it was enough. And maybe, just maybe, that was the key. To hold on to those memories, to cherish them, but to also find a way to move forward. To honor his memory by living my life to the fullest, by being the best version of myself that I could be.

As I stand, letting the breeze run through my hair, I find myself thinking about all the times we'd spent together; the laughter we'd shared, and the countless memories we'd made. A warm smile finds its way onto my face, a gentle laugh. The beauty, accompanied by the ache. And though I missed him desperately, I couldn't help but smile when I think of him. He was so beautiful. There was a light that radiated from him, all the times he'd planted this spark in me and made me feel special.

I guess, this is the memory.