Evelyn, a 17-year-old high school student, has to overcome the side effects of emotional abuse to connect with her mate and become the Luna of her pack. But what will happen when she discovers who she needs to be is much more significant than anyth...
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I started a blog once when I was 15. I named it "Going Somewhere." I put up a banner with a picture of a pathway that curved back and forth through a field of vibrant orange flowers, with tall brown mountains in the backdrop. Over the lot of it, in bold letters, was the title "GOING SOMEWHERE."
If only I knew where I was going. I might have had more success. I managed to write one passionate entry about how I hadn't done much of anything just yet but that I would. As if I would just start updating the blog and something would magically happen.
It was very motivational though... I mean, to me. Filled with "Charge!" and "Ah whoho's." The latter of which is my war cry. Positively terrifying in person, I assure you.
And to answer your unasked question: yes, shifters can have blogs too.
This is the part where I'd tell you about my wolf form, and I'd say something weird like... oh yeah, her name is DaisyMay, and she's small and brown with a black spot on her tail. And I'd be all excited and passionate about it.
Except that... well, I wish I could say my wolf had a black marking and all the rest of it, but the reality is... I haven't shifted, and that means...
Actually, I can't say it because I don't believe it. I mean, I thought myself a shifter all my life and now... now it's like... Does not compute.
Shifters shift by the age of 15. And I... Well, I didn't. There, I said it again. So now you know.
This is going well.
Except it isn't, really. I mean, not in real life... not in my pack. They don't take kindly to non-shifters, and it's been two years since I should have shifted.
My family was not very kind before I was 15, and now... well, they didn't get kinder. It's just my aunt and her two daughters. My mom passed away when I was 4, and I never knew my dad. So I should be a shifter.
I should be grateful to my aunt for taking me in, really. And... I am grateful. I mean, I try to be.
Gosh, that sounds horrible.
It's just that... it's been hard living here. It's hard to work to stay positive. Sometimes it's hard to keep going. I can't... I can't not. My faith is so strong that there is a reason for my being here. And I guess that was the motivation behind the blog. That and an escape from the hurtful things people said about me. As if I was a leech to the pack because I can't shift and because of that, it somehow makes me useless.
Shoot, my aunt is calling me. I have to help with dinner.
I feel a bit frustrated because I feel like there are some things I need to write about here and... I haven't hit the mark. Only... I will try again when I have a chance. Maybe it's something I won't be able to get across clearly until I've written a lot more. So I think it'll be good if I keep writing regularly. And I guess that's a simple enough goal to focus on... and--
Sorry, my aunt called again. Better go.
Your friend,
Evelyn
_______________________________________________
Somersault!
Can I call you Somersault? If not, we'll name this journal that instead.
Gosh, I missed you. It's been a few days. I got in trouble for peeling the potatoes wrong. I don't like it when she yells at me...
How do you peel potatoes wrong?
Well... it's not like I did pinstripes with the skins or anything fun... But according to my aunt, I didn't put them in water fast enough, and 'they'll be mushy and off-color thanks to you.'
Well... between you and me, they tasted just the same. I wish she didn't make me feel so bad about it. At the time, with her leering above me, I felt... despair. I felt like I'd done something heinous and unforgivable. Something that's inexcusable. But... they're potatoes.
Sigh. It must seem silly. It's just that I feel like I can't always be sure what reality is in some way... As if I'm inherently flawed somehow and... I hesitate to take even a tiny step because I can't be sure which seemingly inconsequential thing is going to set off the next avalanche of despair and seeming worldly destruction.
Sigh... sorry, I don't mean to complain. It's just that... I guess it's that I feel uneasy and strung up tight from being hyper-analytical to avoid messing up again, but it seems the pitfalls are just unavoidable.
I feel like I adjust the way I am, and I work to be better, and work to be better, and... that's a good thing to some degree, maybe... I don't know. But maybe I can't keep changing myself and working to be better when my external environment doesn't seem to be reflective of my effort or progress.
So... I'm going to try breaking the rules. I say try because... okay, so call me pathetic, but I'm terrified of it. I'm afraid of getting in trouble and maybe getting kicked out, and then... and then where would I go? A 17-year-old human who knows shifter secrets and...
And yet, I've tried so hard to be good enough, and now... I think the changes I make in myself need to be the changes that I want and not what others put me down for not being, or what I think will make me more... lovable, I guess.
So, this is me going somewhere. I'm going to go and break the rules. Um, yeah... My mom's surely gazing down at me from heaven and simply beaming with pride. Yes yes, and --
How am I going to break the rules?? I'm glad you asked!
It's my birthday next week, and I'm going to sneak out of the house at midnight and try to shift.
Sometimes a shifter's first shift is on their birthday. Not always of course. But maybe I'll go, and on my own, and in the woods, maybe... maybe I can shift. Maybe my aunt told me I'm two years older than I am or something... well no, I've seen my birth certificate. But still... maybe.
And maybe it'll work, and I'll turn into some magically powerful white wolf like what happens in stories, and I'll be epic, and elegant, and like... don't mess with her, she's amazing and... And probably not lol, but... it could happen. Maybe.
Not everyone gets a wolf form. It's most common, hence all the stories about werewolves. But we're not werewolves. Just shifters, and we live in our quiet way in communities outside of interaction with most humans.
Maybe I could just be a squirrel or something. That'd explain why my aunt and peers are always barking at me. Maybe dogs and squirrels just don't mix too well. Whoops, I mean wolves. Lol, they'd be livid if they saw me calling them dogs hahaha.
I don't know. I want to try going out though... on my birthday and... And I know I'm just dreaming really, it's just that... maybe just let me dream for a while because... it helps me feel better.
I've been thinking a lot about what I want from life. I mean, beyond highschool and shifting. There's so much more I want to experience and understand. I want to travel, see new places, meet new people, and learn new things. I want to find a place where I belong, where I can be myself without constantly fearing judgment or punishment.
I know it sounds ambitious, but I think it's important to have dreams and goals, even if they seem far-fetched right now. And maybe, just maybe, I'll find that place someday. Until then, I'll keep writing to you, Somersault, and sharing my thoughts and dreams.
