The Reluctant Luna

Chapter 29

04/18

Hi Somersault!

Thursday today. It's a bit gloomy outside, but it's a nice day. It's only been a few days since I last wrote. Things have been... good. Nice.

My new situation is sinking in more, and I feel elated. I feel a sense of peace.

I haven't spent time with Alexander or Oliver for over a week now outside of a short conversation I had with them on Tuesday after PE. Maybe they're giving me time to adjust to my new living space.

Oliver is going to be gone next week though. When we talked last... he said he was going to spend the week at the next school. Thinking his mate might be there maybe?

"I still think you should stay here," said Alexander, in a leading way.

But Oliver declined. He said he needed to be looking for his mate. The way he gripped the air with his hand made me.. feel guilty, seeing him feeling antsy, or perhaps not in control.

Oliver mentioned his concern that she might get hurt, or be stuck in a bad situation. Alexander and I reassured him as best we could, but we couldn't dissuade him from the trip.

The conversation ended with Oliver eluding to his belief that Alexander and I need time alone anyway. He still thinks we were mates I suppose.

Alexander said, "It's not like that!" But Oliver had started to leave already and didn't seem to hear... or else wasn't willing to hear just yet.

I kind of wonder if Oliver is dealing with similar things as I am. I don't feel ready. But maybe he isn't ready either. And what even happens when we do recognize each other as mates? What then? We go on a date? Does Oliver become Alpha then? And what about me? What does it even mean to be Luna? Is that what I want for my life?

I'm going to meet up with Alexander tomorrow after school. I'm not sure what we'll be doing, but it's nice to have something planned. I am grateful for their friendship. With Oliver gone, I didn't expect to feel such a sense that something was missing. I find my mind wondering a bit about what he might be doing right now. Shaking the hands of other females... The idea isn't appealing to me.

And yet... it's my fault.

*Sigh* It's not my most exciting entry. Just that... I feel like I'm hungry for something.. not food but... something. And I think I might get it here somehow. Comfort? Reassurance?

I'm not sure. I kind of wish I knew.

I did have a thought about my shifting though. A modest breakthrough. It was triggered after I wrote at the beginning of the week about... well, about going into heat. And...  that's fairly specific to shifters I think. And.. brace yourself, it's underwhelming, but I've been thinking ...I'm a shifter.

Lol, not that I ever wasn't... but that I doubted it. I doubted it because I couldn't shift. And to avoid emotional upheaval, I recognize that for the past several years I've been ...mentally preparing myself for the news that I'm human. I've been letting myself down easy, and separating myself from the idea of being a shifter.

But... my Mom was a shifter, and probably my Dad too... and... well, it's something to think about anyway.

Thinking too about when I was meant to shift, and how my adopted Dad passed away, and... maybe my grief could've affected my shifting ability? The stress from the event also. People there...

Granted, I'm not sure why I wouldn't have been able to shift since then. At least in private... but I guess the breakthrough is recognizing myself as a shifter. Not just a shifter, but a part of the pack, as if this is who I am, this is who I can be.

And, it probably doesn't seem like much, but I think it's important.

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"What's it like being a Luna?" Evelyn asked while stuffing invites for the Masquerade Ball into ornate envelopes. The information for the event was common knowledge at this point, but Oliver decided the invites would make things more official, and would make it easier to extend the invites to neighboring packs. 

"I don't know," said Alexander, who was preoccupied puzzling over paperwork.

"You must have some idea," said Evelyn. "What's it like? What's expected of me?"

Alexander paused to look up then. He seemed to think about how he might answer that. "You know how in some groups of people, there is someone who acts as a kind of glue? Someone who seems to hold things together somehow?"

"I suppose so," said Evelyn.

"I don't know if the role of the Luna is like that exactly, but it's like that in the sense that what a Luna does is rather intangible. It's not like a job application where things would be listed out.. tasks to be completed, but rather it's ..." he broke off and looked down at the paperwork without seeming to see it. "I think you just have to be yourself. It's been too long since this pack has had a Luna, even if you did a poor job of it, it'd still be a great improvement."

"You think I'll do a poor job?"

Alexander laughed. "Not at all. I just don't want you to stress out about it."

"Thank you, Alexander," said Evelyn quietly. "I'm sorry it's taking me so long to adjust to the idea of it."

"Don't be sorry," said Alexander. "Truly, there's absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You can do the best that you can do. And nobody has the right to expect more than that. Especially not me when my purpose is to ensure the well-being of the Alpha and Luna for the benefit of the Pack."

"Do you ever worry about becoming the official Beta?" said Evelyn, her fingers fidgeting with the next envelope. 

"I have been groomed for the position since birth," said Alexander. "I've accepted it as my purpose, and in this way, even if there is unease at times, it's not... relevant. It doesn't change the fact that this is the way forward. Does that make sense?"

"It does," said Evelyn. "It helps a lot, actually."

They went back to the tasks at hand. Both engaged in their thoughts. It was a nice room to work in with lots of natural light. It gave the room a feeling of a sunroom. 

"Do you think Oliver will be mad?" asked Evelyn after getting through one-third of the mountain of invites. "You know... when he finds out?"

"I don't know Evelyn," said Alexander. "I'd like to say he won't be. I wish he wasn't under so much stress right now."

"Stress because of his trip to Summit High School this week?"

Alexander shifted his paper before answering, "Yeah."

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