The Reluctant Luna

Chapter 26

Good morning Somersault! 

Wow. Just wow. My new space is ... like a storm shelter in the presence of an F5 tornado. I didn't expect to feel the relief I did. I feel a sense that I've been in a dark place. Darker than I realized.. because it's just been for such a long time. 

And now... in my room. I feel a crushing weight is lifted. I feel like I can breathe again. And the magnitude of this is challenging to put into words. There's a stillness about it also. As if ...I am safe now? And I feel rather shaky, but also that it's ok, and that I can just sit here for a while. I can sit here, in this grand canopied bed, and I can write and.... and not worry about getting in trouble for it. 

The room is streamlined and spacious. It's got a kind of natural theme with plants, and soft green accents. The light from the window looks beautiful on the monstera. It's April 7th now. It feels like summer weather came early. I spent a week moving my things over. Alexander offered to give me a ride and help me move, but his presence would have caused some difficult questions. I don't have many things anyway. So I just walked them over. Just a few things every day.

The room reminds me of a nice hotel. Clean and functional... there's a nice sense of novelty. Maybe it feels like a hotel room also because it hasn't sunk in that I can live here now.

There are polished light wood side tables on each side of the bed. and a couple of chairs with a coffee table near the door. 

The room is almost pentagonal, but it opens up towards the back for a bathroom and walk-in closet. There's a linen closet also. The bathroom is simple and nice. It's not elaborate by any means, but it's perfect and wonderful and private. It's more than I hoped for.

On the other side of the door, there's a workspace. I got to select a standing desk with a walking pad beneath it. I feel giddy about it. About all of it. Absolutely giddy. It was such a hard time before... I didn't realize that in my pursuit of survival, I was suppressing that reality. 

I don't mean to go on about it. It's just that the feeling is so intense. I think it'll take time for me to move forward from it. I feel like crying from the joy of being here. And, between you and me, I have. Last night, and then again this morning... waking up here to find it wasn't just a dream.

I feel rather shaky writing about this.

It'll sink in in time though. 

The Packhouse is massive. People always seem to be coming and going. It makes it feel alive. 

The residential spaces are all on the third and fourth floors. The more practical things are on the first floor. Some offices and conference rooms. Study rooms, formal sitting spaces.. etcetera. 

The second floor is mostly used for hangout areas. There is a gym there as well as many game rooms, and tv rooms. The dining hall is there also. The meal times are in the morning from 6:30 to 9 and in the evening from 4 to 7. 

I'll be working there starting next week. I'm excited about it. I think it might not seem like an enviable job to some, but it'll be good for me. Something I feel comfortable doing. Alexander showed me the kitchen when he showed me to my room, and it had more windows than anything. It looks out on a velvet green lawn and a backdrop of trees. 

The view offers a sense of pack life also. 

Anyway, it's Sunday today, and I'm feeling good. Feel like I've finally landed, and that... maybe now I can heal. It's a beautiful day despite some light rain, and I have plans to explore every inch of the building. There's a walking trail to try outside also. 

I'm a bit nervous about going back to school tomorrow. I'm not sure why exactly... just that I feel like I'm in a new world right now somehow, and school is maybe part of a different world, and I'm nervous about ..addressing that reality again maybe.

I didn't say much to my aunt when I left. I moved things little by little, and I don't think they paid me much mind in general unless it was to yell at me, so she didn't notice. I thought about leaving without saying anything, but that seemed like a cowardly option. 

Instead, I told her head-on, "I'm moving out now." I wasn't sure what to say beyond that, but it seemed something needed to be said, so I settled for thanking her. It just seemed like the best option. And she did shelter me. I find it's much nicer and easier now I'm in my new space to focus on my gratitude and work to let go of the rest. There's a sense of relief in that. Knowing that I can let go of those things that... weren't very nice. 

But I do feel like I am here now, and I have this incredible opportunity to ....start again. I think everyone needs a chance to start again sometimes in life. A chance to... let go of the hardships of the past, and consciously decide how they want to move forward.

And I recognize now how important that is.

That said, I feel good. I hope you feel good also. I missed breakfast this morning, but I'm looking forward to dinner tonight, and seeing what that's like. There are some snacks available during the day. Grab and go kind of things, so I think I'll pick up a sandwich and eat in the courtyard. 

I feel like... there's maybe something more to be said. I think because the emotions and reality are so beyond words it's hard to show the depth. I like to think that maybe you've felt this depth of emotions also, so maybe I don't need to bend my mind to try to think of a way to convey it.

Anyway, I have a building to explore! 

Your friend,

Evelyn

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