The Reluctant Luna

Chapter 20

Somersault! Gosh, I missed you. It's been busy here, and I haven't had my study period in which to write. 

It's lunchtime now, and I'm hiding out.. mostly from Alexander in one of the private study rooms.  He's gotten rather protective of me. It's endearing really. But at the same time, I don't want Oliver to notice and get suspicious. 

PE is .... amazing. Lol. It's funny to me because I'm someone who always hated PE. But now... now it's different. I like being part of a group. And I'm not pushed to do more than I'm able to. Instead, it's just the movement, and the sound of the other students, and ... it's joyous. I'm not even sure why, except for the endorphins released by exercise, and the others, being shifters, moving and exercising doing what, they're meant to do... to be alive. 

I'm not explaining it well, but .... it is a feeling of being alive, and being in a group... and it's nice. And I don't mind moving my arms in a circle or doing leg lifts or whatever else because ...because I'm happy to be there. Happy to be alive. And it seems strange that such a simple thing is a foreign novelty.

The class gives me a sense of hope. True, I'm still apart from a lot of it... Without my shifted form and the strength that comes with that ability I wouldn't stand a chance in a spar, let a lot a fight in the contest. But.. my sense of being a part of something is more than it ever was. 

One downside is being closer to Juniper's Project Luna attempts. Some of it is rather off-putting. She got in his face the other day as if ... she thought it seemed passionate and that he'd kiss her or something...

Even from 11 feet away, it was cringe-awkward. 

On Wednesday shifting days I'm to work on shifting. Alexander researched my genetics.. which is apparently on file for all pack members. When I asked, Alexander said it was so inbreeding could be avoided. Lol, I'm not sure if he was joking or not. 

But according to him... I should be able to shift. He didn't know why I would be so late to shift. But I'm going to practice now every Wednesday. I'm still inclined to think I'm some kind of spotted mutated sheep that's been coded wrong... but that's just my theory. My parents had wolf forms, but I'm not sure about other forms in my bloodline.

But all the same, I'm up for trying. Hmm, it'd be funny if my form turned out to be a sheep. But it seems unlikely... 

He said also that hurting myself isn't going to help me to shift... Nor will standing in a circle, or standing in the cold forest in the middle of the night on my birthday... who knew? I don't regret trying though. I needed to try to maintain some measure of hope.

And now... I do feel hope. And it's a magnificent feeling. I hope you feel hopeful in whatever situation you're in. Life can get pretty dark without hope.

Oh! But onto the fun stuff! I'm to go into the forest near the school, right by where the other students meet for PE. But when I say go into the forest, I don't mean just go into the forest lol. That's the trick apparently hahaha. 

Rather, I'm to go into the forest as if I'm going in to go shift. As if.. like I was already able to, and la deee daaa, here I go.. as if it's some systematic thing that I just go and do.

Lol.. it sounds crazy to me also but... it's worth a try.

And to keep up this mental charade I'm to go in and.... and .. well, act as if I'm about to shift. 

"You don't just walk in, and stand in the forest like, 'Here I am standing in the forest," he'd told me, and this would be a silly thing to be doing. "Instead create a system, don't think about shifting directly, but instead about walking in, and ...and, for example, you might remove some clothing to protect it when you shift."

"You want me to take my clothes off," I said, mostly in shock, but some degree of amusement also. I noticed Oliver was passing by not too far behind us instructing the rest of the class. I know he heard me because he turned red-red... but he wasn't as red as I was lol.

We didn't mention the incident after. Each of us acted as if it hadn't happened. I don't see Oliver that often. He is around often, but it always seems to be in a passive way. There won't be another event for another week and a half... I'm to help Oliver look through a group of girls who potentially could be his missing mate... any girls found to be suspicious. 

I can't be sure, but I think Juniper weaseled an invite from Oliver also. It was probably the only way to get her to stop nagging... granted I'm biased I suppose. 

I've started wearing my formal gloves also. The transition seemed to go smoothly. The style seems to suit me. And it hasn't drawn suspicion. It's comforting to know the scar on my hand is concealed and won't give me away. Gives me a sense of control, and even confidence... which is kind of a big thing for me. 

Your friend,

Evelyn

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