do you really think you're perfect ? | blade [hsr]

...even after he left?

Broken. That's how you felt after the breakup. You really didn't feel full without Jing Yuan by your side. He was yours, and you were his, and thats how it was meant to be. That's how it was meant to be. Clearly, the universe didn't want the two of you together. 

Fucking universe.

You hated it. You hated how easily you were played by him. He brought you gifts, when you were mad, he gave you kisses when you were sad, and he loved you, he loved you, he loved you. At least you thought he did. In the end, he didn't. And you couldn't get over it. 

You spent your time either in class, or huddled in bed, absolutely no in between. You've heard hundreds of breakup stories ranging from junior high, to your senior year in university. But you'd never experienced one, and you definitely didn't think it would be as bad as described. You were never really a social person, but you'd go out every once in a while with friends. After the breakup, you were a goner. Sucked into an endless spiral, almost as if the five stages of grief got multiplied by infinity.

Your friends weren't happy, especially Kafka. The two of you were almost opposites -- she was charming, almost in a seductive way, while you were quiet, yet sweet when you opened up. You hardly remember the first time you met her, but you can recall the first thing she said to you:

"Aren't you fucking gorgeous?"

It had caught you by surprise, though you were flattered nonetheless. You learned her name, and eventually trusted her enough to call her a friend. And she of course, introduced you to her friends, and your pair became a a group. A group you felt happy in. 

Yet, thats also how you met Jing Yuan. He was what college students called "hot shit." And boy, were they right. You couldn't figure out why you fell for him so fast, but you did. It just happened. And when you found out he liked you back, you were ecstatic, beyond joyous. Everything was perfect. Picture perfect, just how you liked it. 

Two years. After two years, he up and left you. You were through. You had no purpose. Lost and abandoned, back to how it was. Back to-

"Y/N?" You lifted your head from the pillow at the sound of Kafka's voice. "Y/N, open the door!" Did you want to open it? Maybe. Did you have the energy to? Not exactly. 

"Kafka," You shouted, voice croaky yet loud enough to pass through the door. "Please, just go."

"Y/N, are you a fucking psycho?!" Ouch. "You can't mope about that fucker forever! It's been a week babes, I'm fucking tired of seeing you like this." Yeah, it's the same ramble you've heard every day for.. a week. She was right. It's been one week. One week out of fifty-two; that'll make a year. 

"K." You yelled again, this time with more force. "Please, Please, just.. leave."

"I'm not fucking leaving, until you get the fuck out Y/N." The knocking increased and you found yourself unable to ignore it. Getting out of bed was a pain, but you managed to drag your body to the door, blanket swaddled around you, dark circles under your eyes, as you finally opened the door.

"Aeons." Kafka's eyes travelled down your form. "You look like shit."

"Nice to see you too Kafka." You grumbled, inviting her inside. "You need something?" Her gaze wandered around the dorm as she found her seat at the table. You sat across from her, hugging the blanket tighter, as if it'd shield you from anything.

"Like hell I need something." She scoffed, crossing her arms and leaning back in the chair menacingly. "I said you look like shit, why don't we do something about it?"

"I'm busy." You waved it off, standing up and grabbing two cans of soda as an excuse to break the eye contact with Kafka. "Don't feel like going out."

"Sure you're busy." Kafka gave you thanks as you handed her a soda. "Please Y/N, Silver Wolf and I are worried." For once it seemed like Kafka had finally shown you a new side. "Let's just go out tonight, drink off Jing Yuan. You seriously need to get out of those clothes." She finished, eying the "2023 AEHS Senior" hoodie that flooded your body. You stared down at the garments, sighing - yet another opposing part that you two never seemed to address: clothing style.