What If?

Back Story pt:1

Hey guys! so im soooo srry tht i haven't updated in soo long. it was just tht school was being a bitch and i had final and the stress was just like oh mah gawd kill me now. but anyways im back so all you bootyful ppl can read once more! hazza! also this story has 90 reads wow! thnks to all who have read this! you guys are #1, anyways lets continue with this shiza.

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(Chrissa's p.o.v)

It feel like forever since Ella ra away from me. She seems fine though, she made some freinds with some guy named Ross and some chic named Wendy. And of course little old me here is still alone in the fucked up world. *sighs* I haven't been able to sleep in over a week, my nightmares are comming back. You must be wondering 'nightmares? you said no such thing about said nightmares' which is true i havent. So if you must know about these said nightmares then here it goes.

When i was a kid, about 5 or 6 years old, my dad was the one person i looked up to. He was the kind of guy who would just light up your day you know? You could be sad over anything and he would put a smile on your face. As cheesy as it sounds, he was my superman, he stood by me no maer what. And as i got older, he still respected my choices aand opinions. My mother understood the relationship between us, it was like ying and yang. we were each other's counterparts. But it all changed when middle school started.

As y'all know i came out in middle school. I was 12 going on 13 my 7th grade year, I was growing up. I can't desccribe exsactly how i knew i was gay, its like breathing, you just know. So i told my mom because you know, girls tell there moms everything. And she was alittle taken back, but she understood where i was coming from. After a few weeks i decided to tell my dad, let me tell you this, it was like watching the hulk awaken after years of being repressed. He yelled at me telling me i was crazy and just going threw a fad and i'll be over it. But i told him i wasnt that i was abosolutely sure about this. He said that he had done every thing to make me happy, to give me a perfict  life, to see me grow up and go to a four yaer university. I snapped then, i yelled back saying that he was too controlling that he was basically putting a bird in a cage and running it over with an army tank.

My mom tried to calm us both down, but shewas just overlooked, at this moment it was me and my dad and the storm brewing between us. Then he went to far. He said the words that haunt my dreams and thought, "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU COME OUT TO EVERYONE?! HUH? THEY ARE GOING TO CALL YOU NAMES, CALL YOU THINGS LIKE 'FREAK','WEIRDO' , 'FAG' AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO THEN? TELL ME? BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'LL DO YOU'LL SLIT YOUR WRISTS, SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD JUST DO IT NOW!" just do it now. I lost it then, i started to cry, my own father had told me to kill myself. Mom was crying to, she had lost all her calm. Dad just left, went to his truck, slammed the door, and took off. That was the last time i saw him.

It  was weeks before we got the news, i had already came out at school and mom had calmed down again. One day after school awe got a phone call, saying dad had died. He was intoxicated, and driving over the speed limit. But thats not how he died. He was in  a high speed chase, he led the cops to an inn where he was staying. He ran to his room... and shot himself clean in the head. 

Investigators found a suiside note in his pocket, They said that this was the most insane note they have ever read, this is what he wrote:

To whom it may concern,

I am pleased to tell you that i have found an answer to my daughter's insane fad she is going threw.

Haunting her.

She will soon understand that by me controlling  her life was protecting her

She hardly saw anyone othr than her own race,

own religion,

own sexuality,

own family,

and own life.

Or my life as i should say.

She lived a life that i wanted, that i still needed, well not anymore.

She has violated the rules of this said life and will forever pay as long as she lives and walks this earth.

She will only know suffering now because of my actions here tonight.

She will only know pain, sadness, loss, and hate from now on.

She will only see me in her dreams,

only me.

I did this becaus i lover her, 

because i wanted to protect her,

because i wanted to keep her forever,

my darling Chrissa.

Chrissa darling if you read this please do me a favor,

and kill yourself now

- Nathan Waters

Ever since then i have been blamed for my father's death by everyone, except mom. My nightmares are indeed of him, his words echo in my head. Inever mourned the loss of him, is that bad? Who knows what is bad and what is not now, the world is twisted.

Oh what a twisted world indeed

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Oh what a twisted world indeed

i need a shirt that says that now.

anyways, forget to leave a comment and vote for this!

if its ur b-day than happy birthday! (yes i know cinnamin toast ken says this)

if u are going threw a hard time, im here 4 u

and if you need advice im here too!

love all u peeps!