ALL I WANT #1

Chapter 30: Love and his best friend, fear.

Song recommendation: Breezeblocks - Alt-J.

Chapter Thirty.

"After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom."

-Arthur Golden.

***

Mute

The sunlight filtered through the white curtains, bathing the room in a golden glow. I glanced to my left and saw her peacefully asleep, her face resting on my numbed arm. I leaned closer and kissed her forehead, sweeping the strands of hair off her face.

I felt completely drained.

Our fight lasted the whole night. I was furious and ended up saying and doing things I'll regret forever. No one else would have stayed after witnessing how I exploded yesterday, but she did. She kept coming back. She never gave up on me until I went too far.

I had been acting awful towards her for the entire evening. And when I reached out to hug her, the fear in her eyes hurt me deeply.

The thought of losing my temper so badly that it made her scared of me was unbearable because I had always promised myself never to become like my father. Yet whenever I got mad, I became just like him.

She shifted in her sleep, her head settling on my chest, her breath warm against my skin. The stain of her tears lingered on her cheeks, and I wanted to replace it with the sweetness of my affection. To reassure her that I could never harm her. Or maybe it was myself I was trying to convince.

I hoped her skin would always remember my unwavering devotion. I couldn't resist the urge to shower her face with kisses, exploring every contour except for her tempting lips. Like a punishment, I avoided them and repeated my assault of affection until she stirred from her sleep.

I planted kisses along her jawline and down to her neck, and I couldn't suppress a smile when I felt her small hands curl around the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

"You've apologized a thousand times," she mumbled, her voice heavy with sleep. "You need to relax."

Leaning my forehead against hers, I shook my head. "Not enough," I grumbled, giving her another kiss on the corner of her mouth.

She held my face in her hands, her lips brushing against the bridge of my nose. "Your eyes are all puffy," she said, her delicate fingers caressing every contour of my face and tracing a path down my neck.

When she wrapped her petite hand around my throat, I could feel the familiar warmth of her skin, causing my heart to race. Her delicate fingers traced the rough edges of my scar, causing an involuntary groan to escape my throat. I couldn't help but lean my head against hers, allowing her to touch my ugly freely.

It was hard for me to accept that I allowed myself to break down in front of her. Sure, I tried my best to bury the pain deep inside. I tried my hardest to hide it.

But she welcomed me with so much grace, strength, and tenderness that I finally let someone help me for the first time in my life.

I don't know how she managed it, but her gentle touch on my bruised skin and her soothing voice pulled me out of the depths of the hell I found myself in.

I was a dirty bastard, and she was my salvation. Each smile and every gaze from her had this purifying effect on me, as if she was wiping away all my sins. She made me want to be better for her.

"Did you at least get some sleep?" she whispered.

I responded by shaking my head no.

All I wanted was to hold her close. To kiss her. To drown myself in her embrace and allow her to touch me and heal my wounds like she'd done so well. I wanted her hands on every single one of my scars, putting me back together while I held her in my arms, shielding her from any kind of pain or fear.