SMG3: Is something burning?

SMG4, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

SMG3: SMG4, the toaster is literally on fire.

***

SMG4: SMG3 and I are no longer dating.

SMG3: SMG4, that's a horrible way of telling people we're married.

***

SMG4: I'm trash.

SMG3: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

SMG4:

SMG4: You smooth motherfucker.

SMG4: And yes it does.

***

SMG3: I fell—

SMG4: From heaven?

SMG3: No, I literally fell—

SMG4: In love with me the moment you saw me?

SMG3: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

SMG4: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

***

SMG4: I love you.

SMG3, not paying attention: What was that?

SMG4: I said I'm selling you to the zOo-

***

SMG3: I'm proud to identify as morosexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.

SMG4: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

SMG3, already taking off their clothes: God, SMG4, you're so fucking stupid.

***

SMG4, trying to flirt with SMG3: I think both of our families suck.

***

SMG3: What do you want to be for Halloween?

SMG4: Yours.

SMG3:

SMG3: ...yeah, that would be pretty scary.

***

SMG3: Fight me!

SMG4: *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*

SMG4: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

***

*SMG4 is crying after a breakup*

SMG3: There there, SMG4.

SMG4, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?

SMG3: Great question—

***

SMG4, throwing their head into SMG3's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

SMG3, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

***

SMG3: Talk dirty to me~

SMG4: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.

SMG3: Wha-

SMG4: The economy is in shambles.

***

SMG3: Relationships should be 50/50. SMG4 cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

***

SMG4: Did it hurt when you fell-

SMG3: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-

SMG4: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

SMG3: ...

SMG4: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

***

SMG4: Let's watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

SMG3: Okay.

SMG4: And make out during the scary parts.

SMG3: Th-

SMG3: The scary parts.

SMG3: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

***

SMG3: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

SMG4: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

SMG3: I don't know, surprise me!

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