Best For Last || Jacob Elordi AU

punishment

       Downstairs -- finally both fully dressed -- you two soon found out that Arya had left with Lea, and about an hour after that Dante had left with Jaxon. You attempted to retain secrecy about yours and Jacob's night together by descending the staircase first, hoping he'd space his appearance a good few minutes after yours, but he followed hot on your heels, making it obvious you'd both come from the same room at the same time. His proud grin did nothing to help the situation. You sat then at the sturdy, dark oak bench in the kitchen, having noticed Sid was brewing a fresh pot of coffee. Jacob slid happily in beside you, a little closer than publicly appropriate. Sabrina rounded the corner from the tiny laundry room in only Sid's long shirt, which acted as a dress on her, and knee-high socks. It was obvious their night had gone quite similar to yours.

When Jacob's hand landed on top of yours to run his fingers lovingly over the back of it, you looked down at where they met, then up to his beaming face before offering a tiny, awkward smile and pulling your hands to rest in your lap. His brow twitched slightly in confusion, but his smile hardly faltered.

You noticed Sid and Sabrina noticing from your peripheral, and suddenly the latter was saying with a giggle, "That sure was a looong bathroom trip last night Jacob."

Sid and Jacob fought identical smirks as your ears heated at the correctly implied accusation. Having everybody know what happened wasn't your worst nightmare, but it wasn't exactly ideal either. After all, it was one night. A slip-up, a mistake that you didn't necessarily regret, but wouldn't happen again. It couldn't-- you couldn't afford to admit how you felt for him to anyone but yourself. You still had a life in Michigan, you couldn't just uproot everything you had there over one hook up with an ex. You two had gotten it out of your systems, and that would have to be enough. Though with the way he looked at you and touched you now, you wondered if the two of you were on the same page.

When Sid handed you your coffee in a convenient to-go cup, you poured in way more creamer than one is supposed to, smiled bunglingly at Jacob, and sipped your drink in silence. As Sabrina flirted shamelessly with an overly eager Sid, Jacob's leg bumped with affection against yours. You responded by keeping your gaze locked on a random spot on the table and scooching your leg slightly away from his.

"Well," Sid finally spoke, arms around Sabrina's waist. "If you guys want to wait in the car, we'll be there in about ten minutes."

His tone and the excessive PDA from the two of them let you know exactly what those ten minutes would be spent doing, and then Sabrina said, "Make that five."

You did glance over at Jacob then, and the way he wiggled his brows got a brief chuckle from you. Once the new lovebirds were out of sight locked behind their shared bedroom door, Jacob's hand snaked over to rest on your inner thigh. "Bet I could make you feel good in five minutes too."

You turned a blind eye to the goosebumps that rose over your arms and the way your spine instantly straightened, and rose from your seat instead. His puppy-dog eyes looked up at you, making him close to irresistible.

"I know you don't have hair and makeup to get through," you began factually, rising from where you sat. "But some of us do. Come on."

He looked away from your face then, smiling and nodding vaguely with understanding as he also stood from his seat. You grabbed your coffee cup in one hand and your phone in the other, knowing if you hadn't he'd have tried to lace his fingers through yours the entire walk to the rental car. You wanted nothing more, but could have no more slip ups with him. You couldn't lead him on if you knew he'd be going to Pennsylvania and you'd be going to Michigan. You refused go back to an old flame after one passionate night together. No matter how badly you wanted him.

In the spacious car, the silence was deafening when the door slammed shut, and you hoped Jacob couldn't feel the awkwardness that suffocated you. He didn't seem to, as he was still trying to knock his knee against yours with a small and playful smile. You tucked your hands between your thighs and pointed your knees in the other direction just out of his reach, staring out the window to try and avoid the conversation that he began just seconds later.

"Everything okay?"

You looked at him only long enough to nod with a forced smile, "Yeah, it's fine, why?"

"I don't know, just, wanna hold your hand, but it almost seems like you're avoiding me."

He held onto his hopeful grin, but you could see that it was only there to mask his anxiety. His dark eyes peered into yours in wait for a response that you didn't know how to give. He must've read your expression, because his had already fallen by the time you opened your mouth to speak.

"Jacob, listen--"

He turned his face away from you and spoke in a low, monotone voice, "I knew it."

You instinctively placed a hand on his knee, far enough down that it was only platonic, "Don't say that. It's not like I regret what happened."

"Then what is it? I thought we got past everything."

"We did," you weakly shrugged. "I forgave you, we... did what we did, and we know how we feel about each other."

His brows drew together and he faced you again with an accusatory tone, "Do we?" Your eyes darted around nervously, but no words came, so he kept on. "Cause I think you know how I feel about you, but I haven't heard a word of your feelings for me."

Your voice was more timid every time you spoke, "I thought what happened last night was enough."

"So did I," he scoffed.

The conversation seemed to already be going in circles and nowhere at the same time; you shook your head and after a few seconds said, "Listen. I'm really glad I saw you again, I am. I'm glad we got things worked out and that we got to have one last night together. I didn't-- I don't want to say anything to complicate things further, I don't want to lead you on."

"You already have."

You shut your eyes and swallowed the lump in your throat. You willed your brain to think of the perfect thing to say to resolve this as you stared up at the beige ceiling of the car, but nothing perfect enough was coming to mind. He was right.

"Jacob, I'm willing to be friends, okay? But we can't be anything more. We just can't."

"Friends?" He repeated with offense. "No, I don't accept that; I can not just be your friend."

"That's all I have to offer," your bottom lip began to quiver, and you bit it to keep Jacob from seeing.

His fingers rose to his temples then ran through his hair as his head drooped and he looked at the floor; "Why? What is this about? Punishing me? Because believe me, the time away from you was punishment enough."

You couldn't decide if that last bit was sweet or arrogant: who was he to decide what was enough punishment for what he'd done to you? But still, the idea of his suffering being caused by your absence did break your heart that much more.

"No, it's not about punishing you. We live in different states with different lives; we've already proven we can't do long distance and neither of us are uprooting their lives for the other, okay? That's not even on the table." You stopped for a moment to catch your breath from talking so fast, then finished with, "We tried, and it didn't work. Someday you're gonna find someone perfect for you, I believe that."

You took your hand from his knee just as the house's door slammed and the red-faced, messy haired Sab and Sid came giggling to the car. By the time you turned back to face Jacob, he was leaned away from you, elbow rested on the ledge of the car's window and avoiding eye contact.

As Sid started the car, you swore you could hear a mumble from next to you, "I already have."